


Everything is alright

by better_times_are_coming



Series: Kids These Days [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bullying, Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied tangerine picking, Kid Fic, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-09-02 09:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 69,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/better_times_are_coming/pseuds/better_times_are_coming
Summary: Jihoon and Soonyoung finally decide to adopt.Seokmin’s arrival brings unexpected chaos to the Yoon family.(Plus, one trip to Jeju and how Seungkwan got adopted).





	1. Build-up

Seungcheol stirred awake at the sound of a phone.

Not _his_ , but Jeonghan’s, that annoying idol song (that Seungkwan had chosen as a ringtone) resonating in the room until Jeonghan shifted and blindly patted the night stand, mumbling something that Seungcheol couldn’t understand.

He decided he didn’t need to understand though, he was _exhausted_.

He _needed_ five more minutes.

Seungcheol buried his face into the pillow, inhaling Jeonghan’s faint scent from it. Was it late? He didn’t even want to know. He blindly searched for Jeonghan’s slim waist and roughly pulled him back into his embrace, getting an _oof_ in response. Jeonghan’s back against his chest, legs tangled together, just a few inches away from Jeonghan’s neck to press a kiss there (if he needed, which he always did).

Warm, comfy and _perfect_.

 _Okay_ , he could probably have five more minutes.

As Jeonghan’s words started to register though, he made himself look up at him, blinking up sleepily, still dazed after being woken up so suddenly.

 _“Don’t cry”, “it’ll be okay”,_ and “ _I promise_. _”_

He could barely make up his expression, but the tone was enough to set off the alarms on his head.

“Hannie, everything okay?” He mouthed, willing himself to wake up in case there was an emergency. His words were slurring, pressed against the pillow.

“Everything’s okay,” Jeonghan assured him, caressing his hair as he tried to lull him back to sleep, just as he did with the kids. He didn’t sound sleepy at all, and Seungcheol wondered _how_ , he had met Jeonghan since they were like eight, and he was always a heavy sleeper. Now with the children, everything had changed. “Seokminnie woke up from a bad dream and wanted to speak to me.”

Ah, right.

That wasn’t unusual at all these days.

“‘Kay,” Seungcheol whispered, closing his eyes already.

No need to worry, Jeonghan would handle it.

He faintly heard the hushed words Jeonghan was saying and he burrowed closer, head fitting against the crook of his husband’s neck. He let out a small puff of warm air and it must have made Jeonghan ticklish, because he shied away, settling back down a moment after.

“Goodnight, Cheol.” Jeonghan whispered, lazily petting on Seungcheol’s hair until he relaxed again, drifting off to sleep.

The phone call lasted a few minutes or so, but Seungcheol fell asleep before Jeonghan would hang up.

***

After years and years of going back and forth with the idea, Jihoon and Soonyoung had finally decided to adopt.

Truth was, they had been thinking about it for years, but it had never seemed like the right time, after college came work and then they both signed contracts with a company, then they saved money, they traveled, bought a really nice department. Now with both of them turning almost thirty, certainly it felt like the time to do what they had been thinking about, for years.

Soonyoung’s injury had made it hard to focus solely on choreographing and dancing and Jihoon mostly worked from home, if he could, but the workload wasn’t as big as before.

They had made a whole little gathering and everything, with friends and family, to let them all know the paperwork would be ready on the middle of September and a little boy would finally be theirs. Certainly it wasn’t like Seungcheol didn’t know, Jihoon told him almost everything and like Jeonghan didn’t suspect, since Soonyoung was never good at keeping secrets.

But it was nice, getting together, laughing, Jihoon’s and Soonyoung’s household was the only one without a kid on it, and it made them all think back, remembering when they were in college and didn’t plan on a family and kids for the future.

And here they were.

It wasn’t _that_ big of a surprise, Jeonghan thought, since they had asked him questions about the adoption process ever since Wonwoo had come home with them, so he figured they _had_ been thinking about it and somehow he had always been helping them with the decision.

Which Jeonghan didn’t know, and found out at the announcement party was that the kid they’d be adopting was none other than Lee Seokmin.

And that _was_ a surprise.

Jeonghan had actually met him before, only for a few weeks, because he stayed in The Angel House, after his orphanage came to a sudden close.

It was one of those kids that you kept thinking on and on years after you had met them, if they were doing okay, what had happened to them, if they had found a good family.

Seokmin was only five at that time, and he was a sweetheart, he kept hugging him nonstop (which made Wonwoo a little jealous back then) and he was always laughing, enjoying every gesture of affection directed towards him like it was the most special in the world.

It was hard not to love him.

And Jeonghan was sure that one family would adopt him right away.

He had been wrong though, because now Seokmin was ten, and apparently he had stayed in foster care until now. Which was good, better than an orphanage, Jeonghan thought. And the outcome was even better, because he knew that Jihoon and Soonyoung would be great parents to him. But still, it made him sad to think that no family had wanted him before…

He wouldn’t lie though, it was a bittersweet feeling, but even though Jeonghan was sure that Seokmin wouldn’t remember him, he was still happy that he’d be able to spend time with him, see him grow.

Jeonghan still cared for him, just like he had with every kid he met on _The Angel house._

Every person that had worked with him at that time adored Seokmin and he knew that it’d be the same right now.

And Seokmin brought so much joy to Jihoon and Soonyoung’s life that Jeonghan thought he had never seen them happier.

Things were going well.

Jeonghan knew more than anyone that adjusting was extremely hard at first, but surprisingly Seokmin was just fine with adapting to a new house and parents. He was going to a new school, and meeting new people, but he stayed with a smile on his face and a positive attitude.

The shocking part was, that the _adjusting_ part was more difficult on his own household.

And if Jeonghan went back to day one, when they were introduced to Seokmin, he probably should have known from the beginning what would have happened.

And not only that, he could have also done something to fix it… before it’d explode on his face.

***

”Hello everyone, this is Seokmin.”

Here they were.

They had decided not to make a big party for all of them to meet, just invite them over for dinner, so Seokmin wouldn’t feel overwhelmed about meeting so many people at once.

Which was working just fine, since Seokmin looked like an extrovert (being loud and talking nonstop), but he was actually shy.

Yesterday, Minghao, Mingyu and Jun had come to say hello, and now was their turn.

Jeonghan had been willing to lower his expectations about meeting Seokmin, since he probably wouldn’t remember him, but he was still excited to see him, how big he was, and if he had changed from the innocent little boy he had met back then.

Seungcheol held his hand the whole way, squeezing from time to time to remind him he was right there.

It was weird, standing there with Jihoon and Soonyoung and their new kid… all eight of them together.

“Come on, boys. Say hello,” Seungcheol prompted gently, one hand holding Jeonghan’s and the other one Chan’s. He glanced at Seungkwan first, since he was always the mood maker.

He always made everything less awkward.

Seungkwan hastily stepped forward, offering the gift bag to Seokmin.

“Hello. I’m Seungkwan and I—” He didn’t finish the sentence, because Seokmin literally threw himself at him, giving him a tight hug. Seungkwan started laughing first, then Seokmin and Wonwoo and Chan too.

The four adults in the room visibly relaxed at that.

All of them worried that they wouldn’t get along, although there shouldn’t be any problems… all the kids came from similar backgrounds and they wanted them to be close (just as they were), but at the same time they knew they couldn’t force a friendship like that.

So even though they’ve talked on and on about this, it still felt unreal, that the four of them had kids now and those kids _could_ be friends.

It was thrilling.

“Ah, that’s sweet.” Soonyoung commented, smiling as he saw them hug. As soon as they pulled back, Wonwoo knew it was his turn.

Wonwoo was only smiling at him, standing at a safe distance from Seokmin, since he was never good at first meetings.

“Hi,” He said, extending the gift with a small bow. Jeonghan and Seungcheol had helped their kids to pick a welcome gift for Seokmin. “I’m Wonwoo.” He bowed again when Seokmin received the gift, beaming at him.

“Thank you, Wonwoo-hyung.” Seokmin said, resisting the urge to pull Wonwoo into a hug, since he looked uncomfortable.

Only Chan left, who kept hiding behind Seungcheol’s legs, holding his hand tight.

Jeonghan always talked on and on about his baby, but Chan was _Seungcheol’s_ baby all over.

Not that he’d admit that like _ever_.

“Baby, say hi.” Seungcheol instructed gently, tugging on his hand.

Chan shook his head, hiding behind him again.

“Sorry, he’s a little shy.” Seungcheol bent down and picked him up instead. Chan was still smaller than the average five year old, which was good, because he still wanted to be carried around everywhere and Seungcheol had stopped making exercise years ago.

His arms got tired right away when he held him for too long.

“Hi Chan,” Seokmin said when he noticed the way the youngest wrapped his arms around Seungcheol’s shoulders, hiding in his neck.

“He’ll warm up to you,” Seungcheol assured him with a smile. “My name is Seungcheol, nice to meet you Seokminnie.”

Jeonghan was next, and as soon as he opened his mouth, Seokmin pointed at him.

“Jeonghan-hyung,” Seokmin announced brightly, with a smile.

The kids let out a gasp in surprise and Seungcheol frowned too, knowing it was hard for him to remember Jeonghan, since they had met when Seokmin was so young.

“You are, aren’t you?” He asked slowly, looking doubtful since Jeonghan didn’t reply.

“Yeah… I am, Seokminnie, I didn’t think you’d remember me.” Jeonghan said, voice wavering from the turmoil of emotions he was feeling right now.

Luckily Seungcheol’s hand on his lower back kept him grounded, a warm steady reminder.

“I don’t, well… I do.” Seokmin replied, getting a gentle frown on Jeonghan’s part. “Eunbin-noona made me this and you’re in it.” He lifted a photo album and handed it over.

“We wanted it to be a surprise,” Soonyoung said sheepishly, and it almost made Jeonghan cry.

Jihoon had a knowing look as well, and Jeonghan couldn’t believe they had wanted to keep this as a surprise for him. He had already thought that Seokmin wouldn’t remember him and now knowing that he somehow did was… well, exciting.

He also figured that Eunbin was his foster parent, and he dared to open the album that Seokmin had handed over, it was filled with photographs, from his birthdays, to some baby pictures.

And there was one that Jeonghan didn’t even remember being taken.

When he saw it, his eyes filled with tears.

It was actually Seokmin, Jeonghan and Sojung (one of his favorite staffs of _T_ _he Angel house,_ bless her for teaching Jeonghan when he needed the most), a few other kids as well, Jeonghan remembered all of them. 

And little Wonwoo sitting cross legged on the floor, looking elsewhere.

“Ah, Jihoonie, I really want a copy of this one.” Jeonghan asked, cleaning the tears with the back of his sleeve. “Kids, want to see a photo of Wonwoo-hyung?”

Jeonghan treasured finding photos of Wonwoo the most, because even though Sojung had also made Wonwoo a photo book like this, it had _half_ of the photos. Only one for each birthday, and Christmas, and one on his first day of school.

Since they had adopted Seungkwan when he was five, and Chan when he was two, they were able to take a lot more of them, but Wonwoo definitely had less than his two younger brothers, and it broke Jeonghan’s heart, knowing that their eldest had no memories and no traces of his childhood like any other child would.

“Wonwoo-hyung was _so_ tiny!” Seungkwan commented, impressed.

“Look, Channie.” Jeonghan showed, and Seungcheol was staring at the photo too, looking just as emotional as Jeonghan felt.

“Ah, appa, that’s so embarrassing. Stop it,” Wonwoo asked, with a whine, trying to take the picture out of Jeonghan’s hands.

Sadly for him, a parent’s love for their child knew no boundaries, so there was no way Jeonghan was letting anything happen to that precious photography.

Things had gone well after that.

A few hours into dinner, Seungkwan found himself not knowing what to do. Wonwoo and Chan were together, the first one reading, the second one listening, his uncles and appa were talking in the kitchen, and Seokmin and Jeonghan kept _cuddling_ on the couch as they checked on every photo and shared memories.

Seungkwan didn’t know how to feel.

He was about to ask Jeonghan to go over with him to see Uncle Soonyoung’s fish tank when he caught the way Seokmin laughed at something Jeonghan said and they hugged.

And _something_ snapped inside of him.

Seungkwan didn’t know what got into him and went over them, tugging on Jeonghan’s sleeve.

“ _Appa,_ play Just Dance with me,” he asked, deciding to wrap an arm around Jeonghan’s elbow and pulling him away, with a small whine.

“Oh, Seungkwannie, I don’t know,” Jeonghan said, turning to him with an apologetic look. “We’re having dinner soon and we have to set it up, maybe next time?”

Seungkwan pouted, not even hiding his disappointment and how Jeonghan stayed firmly planted there, even though he had been pulling him towards him.

“But _appa,_ ” Seungkwan insisted, finding unfair that Jeonghan wasn’t paying any attention to him.

He had just met this boy, why did they keep hugging so tight?

Seungcheol, who had been talking to Jihoon and Soonyoung in the kitchen, came back to them, with a smile on his face. He had no idea about what was Seungkwan thinking.

“Boys, let’s set the table, okay?” He asked, directed to all of the children.

Seokmin seemed reluctant of letting Jeonghan go.

Wonwoo who had been reading on a corner, next to a dozing Chan, immediately looked up, nodding. Seungcheol resisted the urge to coo out loud at how polite their eldest was.

He was always so willing to help, Seungcheol loved that about him.

Seungcheol also didn’t miss the way Seungkwan walked towards the kitchen, with a sullen expression on his face.

“Seungkwannie, what is it?” Seungcheol asked, ruffling his hair and pulling him close.

 _I want appa to hug_ me.

“Nothing... I’m fine.” Seungkwan assured him, because being jealous wasn’t very nice. He hugged Seungcheol back though, because he needed the comfort.

Jeonghan turned back just then, watching the interaction, and wondered if he had anything to do with Seungkwan’s sudden mood shift.

“Jeonghan-hyung, I remember there was a stair on _The Angel house_ and we could climb—”

His attention went back to Seokmin and he pulled him close, even though the boy didn’t exactly remembered him, he had clung to him during the whole party and Jeonghan could only hug back.

He had loved this little boy before, and certainly he still loved him just as much.

***

Back into the present, if Jeonghan had to choose one word to describe himself right now it’d be _stressed_.

He was a second away from snapping.

And if he thought about it, Jeonghan didn’t remember feeling like this since college, when he had failed twice on his _social neuroscience_ course and he kept studying on and on, while the professor gave him shit. At that time he hadn’t been with Cheol, and his general life was a mess.

He had cried after the exam too.

(Although in the end he had passed).

Right now it was a different kind of stress.

He had work to do, write reports on employees and hand them over by the end of the year. Which meant literally go over more than fifty different cases and analyze them individually, considering behavior and performance and their group management and—

“ _Appa_ , look at me.” Chan whined, effectively bringing him back to earth.

“I’m looking, baby.” Jeonghan replied calmly, stopping the typing on his notebook and eyes focusing on their kid instead.

Besides even Jihoon and Soonyoung had adopted Seokmin two months and a half or so ago, they talked almost everyday, because Soonyoung asked him for help on how to handle him and Seokmin was in their house almost three days a week and it was an extra amount of—

“You’re _not_.”

Jeonghan took a deep breath, Chan was still wearing his school uniform, hadn’t he told him to change clothes after they arrived?

He didn’t even remember.

“Aw, Channie you’re such a baby.” Seungkwan said, from where he was working on his homework, a few meters away from Jeonghan.

The only one who liked to study in his room was Wonwoo, all the rest of them worked and studied in the living room.

Not like Jeonghan didn’t understand his eldest, he needed the quiet from time to time too, but he couldn’t leave Chan unattended and Seungkwan usually needed his help with English.

“ _Hyung._ ” He whined, directing his attention towards his brother instead of him, which Jeonghan didn’t know if it was good or not, since they liked to bicker from time to time and now _wasn’t_ a good time at all. ”I’m big, not a baby.”

He put his foot down and everything, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Still, you’re adorable—”

“I’m big!” He repeated, with a whine. “Not in nursery anymore.” He added, proudly. And Jeonghan could agree about that, he didn’t know how Chan managed to make it to kindergarten after missing at least two or three days a week during nursery.

He’d cry and wail and scream until Jeonghan and Seungcheol went to pick him up, but still he knew the basics to pass, which was surprising to say the least.

Not that Chan wasn’t smart or anything, he had just started developing language a little later than the average two year old, and that was hard at first, but now he was doing well in school, and Jeonghan was thankful for that.

“Aw, you’re so cute.” Seungkwan gushed, reaching out to pinch on his baby brother’s cheeks. Chan immediately pulled back with an offended expression.

Jeonghan tried to focus on the last paragraph before the idea would slip out of his mind.

“I’m _big_ , not cute.”

“You can be both.” Wonwoo provided, choosing this exact moment to enter the kitchen (and catching the chaos in the living room), probably looking for a snack.

“But he’s cute, the _cutest_ ,” Seungkwan insisted. “Isn’t he, hyung?”

Chan started to pout, which wasn’t a good sign at all, and sniffled, reaching out to seek comfort in Jeonghan. Also luckily Wonwoo decided not to respond, because it'd only make Chan feel like a baby even more.

“Seungkwannie,” He warned gently, reaching out to hold the youngest’s hand, without taking his eyes of the screen. He was proofreading now, and he hoped he’d be done soon. “Don’t push it, you’re making him upset.” He asked, wanting to avoid Chan having a tantrum.

He didn’t miss the way Seungkwan sighed dramatically, but nodded.

“Thank you, baby.” He said, not satisfied at all when he finished reading. This was a mess, he couldn’t hand this report to his boss.

Jeonghan took a deep breath and deleted the last paragraph, starting over.

“Appa,” Chan tugged on his hand, with a questioning look. “Want to see me dance?”

It broke Jeonghan’s heart just to think about saying no to that, because it was (by far) Chan’s favorite activity and he loved hearing praise from his parents and uncles.

Jeonghan looked at the unfinished report though, and back to his baby’s pleading eyes.

“Baby…” He started, with an apologetic look. “I really need to get this done now, but I promise that as soon as I’m done I’ll see you dance, okay? You can show me anything you want then.”

“But _appa_ ,” He whined, eyes getting watery. Jeonghan tried not to sigh, he was _exhausted_ , he was already falling behind with work, considering everything that had to be done, he didn’t even had half of it.

His boss would either fire him or…

No, that was it, he’d _fire_ him.

He definitely needed to hurry, but he couldn’t ignore Chan like that.

“Okay,” He started, trying to hide his anxious tone, he would definitely have to work at night to do this, otherwise he wouldn’t be done by December, and that was his deadline. “Show me your dance, Channie.”

Chan cheered, running to turn on the music and Seungkwan shuffled next to him, wanting to cuddle. Jeonghan happily pulled him close, rubbing his arm up and down.

Jeonghan wouldn’t deny how tired he was, but now that he thought about, how could he choose work over his beautiful kids? 

He closed his laptop with his free hand and settled down to observe Chan. He didn’t miss the way Wonwoo also stayed, leaning his elbows on the kitchen counter.

Chan was about to start when Jeonghan heard his phone chirp, he wouldn’t deny he thought it’d be Cheol, telling him he’d be home soon, but nope.

_How am I supposed to remember ANYTHING about equations?!! SOS_

And a mix of sad, frustrated and crying emojis.

Soonyoung.

He was probably helping with Seokmin's math homework.

Jeonghan's eyes drifted from Chan, to his phone and to Seungkwan. Then back at his closed laptop.

He really wanted to do everything, play with Chan all day, and help Seungkwan with his homework, and even join Wonwoo during his study hours, but he just _couldn’t_.

He couldn’t work and take care of them and help Soonyoung and—

Jeonghan just _couldn’t_ do everything at the same time.

A lump started to form in his throat, not knowing what to do first (maybe he should call Seungcheol so he’d come back home early?), but he wasn’t able to dwell on it, because the sounds of _Thriller_ started to fill in the room, and he allowed himself to relax only until the song would come to an end.

He faintly registered Seungkwan’s cheers and Chan’s serious expression, he was still somehow clumsy, but he was determined and Jeonghan loved that about him.

He’d try not to get more stressed now, he could always stay up all night to finish work and focus on his kids during the day until Cheol arrived…

Jeonghan would survive, it was only until December.

He could do this.

***

He could _not_ do this.

“ _Appa_ ,” Seungkwan whined. “I don’t want to go.”

Jeonghan suppressed a sigh, reaching out to caress his son’s hair and then placing his fingers under Seungkwan’s chin, trying to get him to look at him in the eye.

That always helped with Seungkwan.

“Why not, baby?” He asked gently, not understanding where Seungkwan was coming from. They had talked _on_ and _on_ about this party, and Seungkwan had seemed excited before, _why_ didn’t he want to come now?

“Because,” He started, puffing his cheeks and crossing his arms against his chest. “The volleyball match—”

“Guys, we need to leave like _right now_ , otherwise we’ll be late for the surprise,” Seungcheol called from outside. The door was wide open, since Wonwoo, Seungcheol and Chan were already in the car.

Seungkwan had started saying that he didn’t want to come just as Jeonghan was picking up his phone and keys to leave.

Not a very good time, if you asked Jeonghan.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol fully supported their kids slowly trying to gain independence and decide on a few things by themselves, like the clubs they wanted to attend to at school, their clothes, the food they ate, and how to decorate their rooms.

Or if they wanted to stay in the house, or go out on weekends.

If they wanted to invite a friend over or if they didn’t want to go out and play with the neighbors.

But this was different.

It was _family_.

Besides, it’s not like he could just leave Seungkwan here if he didn’t want to come… and it’s just that it hadn’t crossed his mind that he wouldn’t _want_ to come.

All three of their kids loved being with their uncles (not just Jihoon and Soonyoung, but Mingyu and Minghao too) and Jeonghan knew it was mutual.

This had never happened before, and Jeonghan would be lying if he said he knew how to handle it.

It was Seokmin’s party, it wasn’t something to be taken lightly.

“Maybe we don’t have to come today.” Seungkwan tried, pouting.

God, this kid reminded him so much to a young version of Seungcheol that Jeonghan didn’t know what to do sometimes.

But that was another subject altogether.

“We’ve talked about this, remember?” Jeonghan said softly, smiling at him. He didn’t want him to think he was mad, because he _wasn’t_ , they just had to leave _right now_. You couldn’t be late to a surprise party, it wouldn’t _be_ a surprise at all. “Uncle Jihoon and Uncle Soonyoung made this surprise party for Seokmin, since between all the adoption process they missed his birthday. And they invited us, because we’re his family and they want us to be there to share—”

“But _appa_ , it’s saturday and the volleyball match—”

“Yeah, sweetie, I know.” Jeonghan interrupted, placing a hand on his shoulder. Seungkwan was wearing a striped sweater that Mingyu had given him for his last birthday and he looked _adorable_ , Jeonghan only wished that he could be focusing on that instead of trying to get him into the car. He also noticed that his cheeks had gone red, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold weather or him getting upset. “But as appa said, we’ll be late for the surprise if we don’t leave now, okay? You can watch it when we go back.”

“But you said—”

“ _Baby_ ,” Jeonghan said, tone firm but soft. Was Seungkwan even listening to him? He didn’t think so. He took a deep breath before saying the next words, not wanting them to sound too harsh. “ _Please_ , just get in the car, we’ll talk about it later, but right now we need to leave.”

Seungkwan’s eyes filled with tears (he was an angry crier above all things), and when Jeonghan thought he’d say something to him, he didn’t.

He stuffed his gloved hands into his pockets and stormed off towards the car.

 _Well done, Yoon Jeonghan_.

He found himself all alone, one hand at the doorknob and the other one with his keys and phone.

The party hadn’t even started and he was exhausted already. He had only managed to catch about four hours of sleep last night and he really wanted a nap.

 _Maybe later, after the party,_ he said to himself. _You can rest then_.

He only needed to go to the party and have a good time, join Jihoon and Soonyoung and Seokmin and then they could go back home.

Easy peasy.

He picked himself up, and went to the car, trying to ignore the way Seungkwan kept avoiding to meet his eye.

He hated to know that his baby was mad at him, but he didn’t know what else to do.

During the ride, Seungcheol caught the tense atmosphere between the two, and made easy conversation with Seungkwan, as Jeonghan leaned his forehead into the window, enjoying the cold surface against his forehead.

Luckily his other two kids didn’t seem to notice anything weird, Wonwoo was busying himself with his Nintendo DS and Chan was fixed on Seungcheol’s phone, watching a choreography video that Soonyoung had sent him the other day, thinking that Chan might like it.

(He had, he had watched it the _whole_ week.)

As Jeonghan decided to close his eyes for just a second, he tried to think about _why_ Seungkwan was so upset.

Had he handled this right? Was he being unfair?

Should he allow Seungkwan to miss something like this just because he wanted to see the match? Wasn’t it more important to teach him about being there for your family and friends?

In Jeonghan’s case, he knew he should be working right now. But at the same time he knew that it wasn’t Seokmin’s fault, and he didn’t deserve any of them missing the party that Jihoon and Soonyoung had taken so long to prepare for him.

It wasn’t fair to him.

Jihoon and Soonyoung had been _great_ with them when they decided to adopt, even more when Wonwoo arrived to their lives. They babysat him, bought him gifts, let him sleepover in their apartment, picked him up from school.

They took him in and loved him from the beginning.

And they did the same when Seungkwan and Chan arrived.

It was only fair for Seungcheol and Jeonghan to do the same now that Jihoon and Soonyoung had Seokmin.

And it wasn’t just because Jeonghan felt he needed to make up for something… he also cared deeply about Seokmin, he wanted to see him happy, he wanted him to see that they were his family too.

Which definitely meant going to this surprise party (among other things).

It made sense to him, making Seungkwan come. He could see the match later, it’s not like he was missing it completely.

Then why did he feel so conflicted?

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Seungcheol started to park the car, usually they had twenty minutes or so to their friends’ house, had he really spaced out _that_ long? He hadn’t noticed they had arrived already.

As Seungcheol helped Chan out of the car, and Wonwoo headed inside, Jeonghan reached out to his son. He didn’t feel like it’d be right to go there and pretend like everything was alright.

“Seungkwannie.” He said gently, glad that at least his son stared up at him, eyes glassy with tears. He hated to fight too, Jeonghan knew. “I know you really wanted to see the match, I told you you could too,” He remembered, lately he had been a mess about dates and everything, he blamed it on his work and his sleep deprived self. “I’m sorry, appa got confused, okay? But today we’re here to support Seokmin and welcome him to the family, so let’s try and have a good time, you can see the match when we come back home, I promise.”

The boy looked down at his hands, shoulders shaking.

“Uncle Jihoon and Uncle Soonyoung need us to be there for them today,” He added gently. “So let’s. Can you do that for me?”

Seungkwan looked like he was about to cry after all, and Jeonghan’s heart squeezed painfully at the sight. Every time one of his babies cried, Jeonghan couldn’t help but get emotional too, even after all these years.

Surprisingly, Seungwan only sniffled, nodding.

“Okay, appa,” Seungkwan mumbled, voice wavering.

“Thank you, baby.” Jeonghan said, placing a kiss on the top of his head and heading inside the house, feeling a lot lighter than before. Seungkwan looked calmer too, even reaching out to squeeze his hand as they headed inside.

Seungkwan always had a temper, but he could never stay mad for too long.

And about the party, well... Jeonghan could only hope that things went out smoothly.

Besides, it was a kids’ party, what could go wrong?

***

Seungkwan _loved_ karaoke.

If anything, he was born to play games like these.

He had the number one place on Uncle Jihoon’s _and_ Uncle Minghao’s house.

He was the best.

Over the years, he had beat both Wonwoo-hyung and Jun-hyung, and Chan too. Even though he wasn’t sure that Chan was taking it too seriously, since he was only five, but still.

He always won.

“You’re such a good singer, Seokminnie.” Jeonghan commented, clapping when he was done. Seungkwan was staring at the TV screen, where the scores showed now.

 _11.890,_ that was Seokmin’s.

Seungkwan had _10.370._

He _tried_ not to show how upset he was at that, but if Uncle Soonyoung’s expression was anything to go by, he looked at him pitifully and it made Seungkwan feel even worse. On Seokmin’s part, he only looked sheepish, gently settling down the mic on the center table.

And it ignited _something_ inside Seungkwan’s chest.

He didn’t know what, but it wasn’t very pleasant, in fact, he wanted to get rid of that feeling _right now_.

Hopefully by winning.

“I wanna play again.” He said, standing up and raising his hand as soon as Seokmin was done.

“Okay, Seungkwannie, after Junnie because—” Soonyoung started, looking conflicted as he pointed at the rest of the kids, they were supposed to play by turns after all.

“It’s okay! I’m playing with Channie!” Jun chimed in, making airplane noises when he picked the youngest in his arms and turned quickly, eliciting a rich laugh from Chan.

Jun always had a soft spot for Channie.

Well, all of them did, being the youngest of all the bunch.

“And Wonwoo-yah, how about you—”

“No, thanks.” Wonwoo said, content on watching Jun carry around Chan and commenting from time to time. Also accusing Jun when he tried to tickle him (which he did all the time).

Jun and Wonwoo were the only ones in the group with the same age and they were _completely_ different, but they both enjoyed their time together, it was endearing to see.

“Uncle, can I play now then?” Seungkwan insisted, and even though Jeonghan’s eyes landed on his kid questioningly, he didn’t say anything.

In the end, Uncle Soonyoung did hand him the microphone and he started singing. As he did though, he couldn’t stop thinking how he didn’t even _want_ to come and he had been enjoying to play this until… well, until Seokmin won. It made a lump in his throat, and he wasn’t sure _why_ , appa said that you couldn’t always win, and he knew.

A few months ago, he had been fourth on the talent show and he hadn’t cared (maybe because he still got the ice cream and went to play air hockey with Hansol, which was more than he had bargained for).

But still.

He finished up this time, getting _9.850_ and he bit on his lower lip, feeling like crying and not knowing why.

“That was good, Seungkwannie.” Jeonghan commented, with a proud smile, but Seungkwan was having none of it. “You’re so good at this.”

“Still, Seokmin won.” He mumbled, crossing his arms against his chest.

Jeonghan inched closer, wrapping an arm around him.

“Come on, baby, it was just a game,” He commented lightly, rubbing up and down his arm. It made him feel only a little better.

Seungkwan didn’t reply, zoning out when Seokmin started to sing again.

His eyes wandered to the kitchen, where his three remaining uncles were talking with his appa, they were all sharing laughs after a story that Uncle Jihoon was telling. Maybe he should go over there, ask Seungcheol-appa to play with him, it’d make him forget about this stupid karaoke game.

They had already made the surprise (Seokmin had cried), then he opened the presents, then they ate cake. And now they were playing, but it was already late.

Seungkwan faintly remembered the volleyball match and pouted, wanting to go home _right now_. It was dark outside, they had already eaten cake, what else did they have to do?

But he couldn’t bring himself to move, and Seokmin placed his mic down again, having finished the song. Seungkwan didn’t need to stare at the screen to know he had won one more time.

“You’re so talented, Seokminnie.” Soonyoung gushed, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

“It’s true,” Jeonghan agreed. “I didn’t know you could sing, Seokminnie. You didn’t sing back then, but you should keep doing it more, you’re really talented.”

Seungkwan’s eyes pricked with tears, and he looked down, wanting to leave.

“Of course, we need an heir.” Soonyoung added solemnly and it made Jeonghan laugh, and Seokmin laugh shyly, saying it wasn’t _that_ good.

“It wasn’t _that_ good.” Seungkwan agreed, out loud.

And everything went silent after that.

Jeonghan only stared at him, not saying anything and he could see the way Seokmin’s smile faded.

“Ah, that’s it, let’s wrap it up for today!” Soonyoung said, clapping his hands twice as if to settle the subject. “Come on, Seokminnie, let’s go get more juice from the kitchen.” He said, noticing the way Jeonghan kept staring at Seungkwan, as if he couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth.

“Baby, that wasn’t very nice.” Jeonghan reprimanded lightly, once they were alone. Jun, Wonwoo and Chan were only a few meters away, but the two eldest were so engrossed in their own little conversation, that they missed the drama. Seungkwan’s stomach twisted uncomfortably at Jeonghan’s tone.

He didn’t know what to say, he only kept looking down, because if he met eyes with his appa, he’d cry. He was sure of it.

“Jeonghannie,” Seungcheol called from the kitchen. “We should get going, shouldn’t we?” He asked, pointing to a dozing Chan, resting next to Jun.

Seungkwan hadn’t noticed it, they were playing just a second ago.

“Yeah, babe.” Jeonghan agreed, standing up and looking at Seungkwan. “Seungkwannie, go get your coat, okay? Chan’s too, please.”

Wonwoo was _already_ using his extra coat, since he was always cold, Seungcheol would lend him his so he wouldn’t freeze as soon as they’d leave the house.

Jeonghan didn’t wait for Seungkwan’s confirmation and went to the kitchen, Seokmin was surrounded by all the adults and they were talking about him nice it was to know him and how polite he was.

“I’m not calling him hyung,” Seungkwan mumbled, eyes fixed on Seokmin’s.

Jun was gently poking on Chan’s cheek, so he missed the way Seungkwan had said that, but it got to Wonwoo’s ears anyway. And he wished he hadn’t heard it, because that was mean.

Wonwoo only glanced at his brother, not commenting anything. He had been the only one to hear that, and he was sure that Jeonghan or Seungcheol wold have to say something about it if they knew, so he decided he didn’t want Seungkwan to get scolded for being rude, it wasn’t that bad.

He’d keep an eye on his brother though.

He’d never stop quarreling once he started, and Wonwoo thought that it looked like something else was going on in Seungkwan’s mind.

“Thank you all for coming!” Soonyoung said, covering his mouth when his loud voice made Chan blink awake. “Aw, I’m sorry, Channie.”

Seungcheol was there in a second, picking Chan up and rubbing his back gently.

“Okay, thank you for inviting us, Soonyoungie.” Seungcheol said, cheeks dimpling when he smiled at him. “We had a great time.”

Seungkwan didn’t agree.

“Baby, go get your coat, okay?” Seungcheol reminded to Seungkwan. “Wonwoo-yah, say goodbye to Junnie, you can have a sleepover next time.”

“Appa,” He whined. “I’m thirteen, stop calling them sleepovers,” Wonwoo mumbled, cheeks getting a little red.

“How do I call them then?” Seungcheol asked, with an innocent tone and Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, but—”

Seungkwan missed the reply because he climbed upstairs, heading to Seokmin’s room, where they had left all the coats. He turned on the lights, looking for his coat and then for Chan’s.

He was about to pick them up, when he stopped himself, he still felt bad about the karaoke-thing, and if he remembered it, it only made it worse.

Besides, Jeonghan had reprimanded him _twice_ today, because he didn’t want to come and now because of this.

He was hurt and _mad_ , why did it make him so angry that Seokmin was taking everyone’s attention? He was cool too, he could sing _and_ dance.

Usually all eyes were on him.

He knew it was Seokmin’s party and everything, but still… he wanted to leave, he didn’t want to come, he only wanted to see the match and—

Tears started to fall down his cheeks and he immediately cleaned them, panicking when he felt a knock on the door.

He was sure it was Wonwoo.

“Go away, hyung!” Seungkwan sniffled, and a few seconds later, the door opened, showing Uncle Jihoon instead. He quickly raised his hands in defense, he had barely talked to him during the whole party. “Oh, Uncle, I—I didn’t mean to say that, sorry.”

Jihoon only looked back at him, worry etched on his features.

Seungkwan’s heart was threatening to burst from his chest. He hadn’t been watching what happened during the karaoke game, right?

Or maybe he was and Seungkwan just hadn’t caught him looking.

It couldn’t be just a coincidence… considering Uncle Jihoon was the one who understood him the most of all of his uncles.

“Seungkwannie,” He enunciated patiently, with knowing look as he closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

“I—yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I…” His words died down, looking at the floor instead of him. It was stupid, he knew, and he shouldn’t get upset over this, but— “It’s just that I’m—”

_I wanted to see the match, and I wanted to win in karaoke and I don’t want to be here._

Jihoon only walked towards Seungkwan, standing in front of him, and pulled him into a hug.

And Seungkwan dissolved into tears.

***

“Appa,” Chan said, tugging on Seungcheol’s sleeve. “Appa said he’d make _pasghetti_.”

Seungcheol squinted at the board they kept on the kitchen, utterly confused at what he was supposed to do today.

The board was where they wrote their work schedules and who was supposed to pick the kids or make sure to make lunch or dinner. It looked stupid, and they were flexible with it, but it worked pretty well so far, it kept all of them organized.

Today’s being the exception.

Seungcheol had arrived from work a while ago, and at the second he had, Jeonghan had told him he’d only rest his eyes for a few minutes, kissing the corner of his lips and then going to their bedroom.

He had been there for an hour and half, snoring, _loudly_.

It was endearing.

And Seungcheol didn’t have the heart to wake him, he knew his husband had only gotten a few hours of sleep last night.

He deserved some rest.

“Mm, Channie, I’m pretty sure it’s not appa’s turn to make lunch,” He mused, because he was sure that if it were Jeonghan’s turn to make lunch, he would definitely do it, even if he were tired. He kept trying to read what it said on the board though, but it was impossible, it was a smudged mess.

He couldn’t even see where a day ended and the other began, how was he supposed to know if he was forgetting something if he couldn’t ask Jeonghan and _couldn’t_ see the damn board?

Maybe it said… ah, right. It was Seungcheol’s turn to help with the kids homework and Jeonghan’s to make dinner, and what the hell was _help with Chan’s project_? Because Jeonghan had written down that he’d do it (two days ago). 

Right.

Seungcheol was pretty sure _nothing_ had been done about Chan’s project.

He didn’t really want to wake Jeonghan up, he was so tired… but at the same time, he didn’t think he could manage to make dinner _and_ help with the kids _and_ make lunch for tomorrow too.

Besides, pasta wasn’t really one of his specialties.

 _Maybe_ he could manage to make dinner and help the kids too, but he couldn’t exactly help Chan with his project too, he needed an extra set of hands.

He needed to finish editing the pictures of the last photo shoot by tomorrow morning too.

But he was _not_ waking up his angel when he had gone to bed so early, it was a clear indicator that Jeonghan was exhausted.

“Oh… okay, um,” He could do it, he just needed a way to do it all. Which was weird and almost never happened, since they worked on a system where they’d divide chores.

He thanked the universe for not being a single parent with three kids, because he was sure he wouldn’t be able to do this everyday. 

Maybe, when Jeonghan weren’t so sleep deprived, they should talk about this. It’s just this wasn’t like him at all. But right now he had a house full of hungry kids and a project to be done.

“What about the pasghetti?” Chan pouted and just then Seungcheol noticed he hadn’t replied to their youngest.

“That’s a hard one, Channie.” Wonwoo commented, he had been silently watching from afar, waiting for his appa to make a decision about dinner. And since he usually helped Chan with pronunciation, he added gently. “Spaghetti.”

Seungcheol eyes were still glued to the calendar on their fridge, frowning gently. It was only Wonwoo and Chan today, Seungkwan had an activity for his club and had stayed in Mingyu’s. They’d be dropping him off in half an hour, so he needed to consider dinner for him too.

He felt another tug on his sleeve and nodded to himself, okay, there was no point in dwelling in what had happened.

“Channie, I’m sorry, appa’s not very good at making pasta.” Seungcheol said, bending down enough to give him an apologetic look. “But I’ll make sure we eat something delicious, okay?”

Chan pouted, but after a few seconds, nodded, and Seungcheol figured that it was because his youngest always had a soft spot for him, if it had been anyone else, Chan would have probably thrown a tantrum.

Kudos on him.

Chan had always liked him, even from day one, when he was only a baby and he had been crying and—

Okay, he was deviating.

“But can we have the pasghetti later?” Chan asked, still pouting, and he was so cute that Seungcheol resisted the urge to take him into his arms and tickle him until he’d dissolve into laughs.

Actually he could, he’d do it later.

“Yes, we can, baby.” He assured him, fixing his unruly hair so his fringe wouldn’t cover his eyes. He probably needed a haircut soon. “As soon as appa can make it, okay? He’s _so_ tired now, so he took a little nap. And if we let him rest now, he’ll feel better in the morning.”

There was no way he could tell their five year old that Jeonghan’s boss was probably exploiting him, asking him to do all this work all by himself _and_ asking him to be ready by the end of the year.

He just hoped that the kids wouldn’t feel Jeonghan’s absence too harshly, although deep down… he knew they would.

Seungcheol already missed seeing Jeonghan more. And when they saw each other, his husband was either exhausted or busy.

“Beauty sleep,” Chan gasped, like he had just remembered it now, and it made Seungcheol chuckle, where did his kid even hear these things?

It was still accurate though, and it lifted his spirits.

“Yup,” He nodded. “How else would we have such a handsome _beautiful_ human being in the house? We’re blessed with his angel-like presence and—”

“Appa, _stop_ , that’s _so_ cheesy.” Wonwoo said, with a pained expression as he covered his eyes. The tips of his ears had gone red too, and there was a hint of a smile on his lips, he was adorable.

“Fine, fine,” He conceded, not wanting to embarrass him any further, although it made Seungcheol happy that he was able to make his eldest smile. He was still cool. He easily picked Chan up and sat him on the kitchen counter, right next to Wonwoo. “Hey bud,” He smiled, when Chan beamed at him. “I read you’ve got a project due to tomorrow, what is it about?”

“A volcano.” Chan told him, seriously, making the rattling sounds and then the whooshing noises that Seungcheol supposed mimicked the lava pouring out.

He was _so_ adorable.

“I see,” He said with a fond smile, reaching out to ruffle his hair. He was sure they could do something, with paper mache and paint… it wasn’t _that_ hard. They’d have to start soon though, since it was getting late and he didn’t want Chan to stay up just because of this. 

It wouldn’t be the _best_ project of the class, but Seungcheol didn’t have more time, and they were all busy, on the next project they could surely make up if they failed this one.

It wasn’t a logic that he wanted to teach their kids, but they were going through a hard time, so…

And he could always buy _dosirak_ in the convenience store on the way to the kids’ school… it wasn’t the most healthy lunch of all times, but he didn’t think he’d manage to worry about washing the dishes, and packing out lunch and help with Seungkwannie’s pronunciation _and_ Chan’s project all in one go.

Ah, right, only dinner was left.

“How about we order some pizza?”

He got a collective cheer in response, and smiled. He knew they were both really busy with the end of the year and everything, but the kids were being so supportive and it made him all warm inside.

If their kids were happy, Seungcheol knew he could do everything.

***

“I’m home! Hi, baby,” Seungcheol said, as soon as he opened the door. He stifled a yawn against the back of his arm and clumsily took off his shoes, he really needed a shower, and some _decent_ sleep and _food_ , he was craving some—

He dropped his keys in the bowl, and took a good look around the kitchen and living room. The smell of bay leaves and _meat_ hitting his nostrils right away, Jeonghan was cooking dinner already.

Just Jeonghan, sitting in the couch with Seokmin and Chan... and Seungcheol, who was sure it _wasn’t_ his turn to pick up the kids.

He checked once again, empty kitchen, no sounds from upstairs. Then _again_ , all around the room, nope.

Seungcheol looked down. There were two missing pair of shoes in the doorway.

There was no sound of feet padding around or Wonwoo’s video games or Seungkwan’s idol songs.

“Han,” he asked, tone wavering.

“Yeah?”

“Where are the kids?” He dared to ask, since it seemed unreal just to think about it. What kind of parent forgets their kids? Well, not like he forgot… he was sure that Jeonghan told him this morning that he’d pick them up.

Jeonghan slowly turned to notice that _Seungcheol_ didn’t have the kids, and certainly _he_ didn’t have them.

Seungcheol could see the exact moment when the realization hit Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Oh, _FUCK_.”

“Oh, fuck!” Chan repeated cheerfully.

Seokmin only covered his mouth (although he hadn’t used any of the bad words), with a shocked expression.

God, they were the worst.

Twenty minutes later, Seungcheol found himself in the car with a grumpy Seungkwan and a quiet Wonwoo (not his usual quiet, he was _quiet quiet_ and it reminded Seungcheol when he had just gotten here).

He felt so guilty.

“We’re sorry.” Seungcheol said, fixing his rear view mirror to look at them. The kids had waited for them outside the school only thirty minutes, which wasn’t like a whole afternoon, but it certainly felt like that. And besides, they wouldn’t fit in the car, so Jeonghan and Chan and Seokmin had stayed in the house and Seungcheol had gone to pick them up. “We’re being such a mess.” He admitted, because he figured that after his kids had to wait them for half an hour, they deserved an honest answer.

Wonwoo was the only one who looked up, apparently surprised at how raw and honest Seungcheol sounded.

“Jeonghannie-appa has a lot of work, okay? And I, too.” He said, sighing. “It’s been hard on you guys, right?” He asked, not waiting for a confirmation, because he knew it had been. “We’re adjusting, but hopefully it’ll be over soon, by the end of the year, things will be calmer, I promise.”

Neither of them spoke and it made Seungcheol anxious, were they _really_ mad? He knew they had every right to be, but still… he had hoped for a little empathy.

“You mean,” Wonwoo started doubtfully, looking down at his linked hands. “That we’ve got to be patient, right?” He asked, sounding _so_ tiny that Seungcheol almost forgot that he was thirteen.

“Yeah, Wonnie.” Seungcheol said, with a small sigh, his heart warming at how Wonwoo smiled with the nickname. He was so glad and relieved that he understood. “That’s all we’re asking, really.”

Wonwoo reached out to place his hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder.

“We can do that, appa.” He told him, tone intent. And he was also making it clear that he was talking for both of them. Seungcheol couldn’t help but notice how much he had grown, he knew that from day one Wonwoo had taken the older brother role very seriously, but he kept surprising him, more everyday. “Right, Seungkwannie?”

Seungcheol was actually dreading this, he had been noticing, ever since Jeonghan had started working more and Seokmin had arrived (sadly, the two events had overlapped), that the boy had grown quieter, and he looked uncomfortable when he found himself with Seokmin in the same room.

It’s not like Seungcheol hadn’t noticed, he just didn’t know what to do with it… he didn’t want to make it worse.

“Seungkwannie,” Wonwoo said lightly, not an order, nor a scold, just a gentle plea.

Seungcheol’s heart stopped in his chest.

“Okay.” Seungkwan whispered, with a small nod.

That was… Seungcheol actually let out a sigh in relief, _great_.

He didn’t deserve these boys, they were wonderful.

“Thank you, boys, you’re being so mature about this.” He said, and he was being honest, Seungkwan was about to turn ten and Wonwoo was already thirteen, but he remembered himself at that age, and certainly he wouldn’t have taken this right. He knew he was asking a lot, but he was _so_ glad that they were helping them out. “We’re sorry about this, we really are.”

“It’s okay, appa.” Wonwoo assured him, reaching out from the backseat to squeeze Seungcheol’s shoulder, and it made his eyes prickle with tears.

God, he was going to cry.

This boy was so gentle, and it reminded him to a young Jeonghan in a way that squeezed painfully at his heart.

He cleared his throat, trying not to cry while he was driving, he didn’t want to get into a car crash. Jeonghan would kill him.

Which reminded him of something.

“Oh and… and about dinner, appa’s making bossam.” He commented, knowing that the two boys liked it and maybe it’d cheer them up. Chan wasn’t too particular of it, but he was the pickiest member of the family about food, so there was no surprise there, Jeonghan and Seungcheol always tried to get him to eat everything though.

“Really?” Seungkwan asked, eyes lighting up. It warmed Seungcheol’s heart to see him smile and happy after looking so sullen.

“Yes,” He said, with a smile. “So as soon as we get home, we’ll have dinner, all six of us.”

Wonwoo looked at him questiongly, but didn’t say a thing, and Seungkwan’s smile faded.

“ _Six_?” Seungkwan asked, sounding whiny already. “Why six? There’s only five of us.”

There was a tense silence where Seungcheol realized he should have shut his mouth. But maybe… it was better like this, if Seungkwan was getting mad or something, it was better that he’d do it here, in the car, than at home with both Seokmin and Chan, who were the two most sensible of the children.

“You know, us and Seokmininnie,” He said, lightly, hoping that Seungkwan would understand it.

“Seokmin’s at home.” Seungkwan repeated, with an incredulous tone. And Seungcheol’s heart dropped, knowing what was coming next (and knowing he _wasn’t_ prepared). “So appa forgot _us_ , but went to pick Seokmin?”

It was weird, Seungcheol had never said that Jeonghan had forgotten, although he had, but Seungkwan was holding a grudge against his husband for a reason and he couldn’t quite understand _why_.

“Don’t say it like that, baby.” He said patiently, because scolding Seungkwan just wasn’t going to work. The boy would only cry and/or get upset, and Seungcheol really wanted him to understand that what he was implying was hurtful. “It was just a confusion, okay? It won’t happen again.” Seungcheol assured him, catching Seungkwan’s sullen expression through the mirror.

Okay, this wasn’t working.

“Besides you know that Seokminnie’s school is different from yours and he ends up earlier two days a week, and that’s why he stays with us until Jihoon or Soonyoung can pick him up.” He explained, but Seungkwan’s expression still didn’t change and Seungcheol figured this was deeper than about what had happened today.

This wasn’t just because they had forgotten them at school, it was something else.

And Seungcheol could only hope that his son would believe the next words that would come out of his mouth.

“We’d never _ever_ forget about any of you on purpose, okay, baby?” Seungcheol assured him. Them. Wonwoo looked convinced, but Seungkwan… “It was an accident and again, we’re really _really_ sorry.”

The younger seemed unsure, but he nodded anyway.

Seungcheol’s heart sank at the sight, not knowing what else to do.

But at the same time he knew that no words could fix this, they had to show him.

And he would. _T_ _hey_ would.

No matter how long it’d take.

***

Seungcheol was scared.

He didn’t think there was any other way to describe the way he felt as he stood outside Seungkwan’s room, dreading to tell him that Jeonghan hadn’t arrived from work to read to him and tuck him in.

He felt that he hadn’t kept his promise, that they wanted to show their kids they were there for them, that the kids were more important than work, and they would always be.

But in reality, Jeonghan was _still_ at work, and Seungcheol was behind his own editing schedule, because he was making most of house chores all by himself.

They were being a mess.

How was he supposed to explain? He would have to say he was sorry again, and he didn’t have anything to fix it.

Only an honest apology.

Seungcheol _really_ didn’t want to disappoint any of his children, he hated to see them sad, he hated to see how overworked Jeonghan was, it broke his heart.

“Appa,” Seungkwan called from his room. “I know you’re out there.”

Right.

He was obviously more observant than Seungcheol gave him credit for. And he could probably see right through him, so he took a deep breath, pulled himself together, and tried a smile, entering his kid’s room.

“I’m sorry, Seungkwannie.” He said lightly, noticing how Seungkwan was already in bed, eyes dropping tiredly. “Appa was thinking about something.”

Seungkwan only hummed, leaning on Seungcheol’s thigh when he sat close to him. He loved to cuddle, Seungcheol knew, and he could only hope that he wouldn’t get too mad.

“What were you thinking about?” He asked, as Seungcheol reached out to caress his hair, hoping to lull him to sleep.

“About…” He took a deep breath. About _Jeonghan_. “Um, we’re working on a new project with Uncle Minghao, he took a lot of cool photos, I think you’ll like them.”

He just couldn’t admit he was thinking about his husband and worrying about him, he needed to carry with that responsibility all by himself.

There was a moment of comfortable silence where Seungcheol kept caressing his son’s hair, begging for him to sleep before he could ask about Jeonghan.

He knew that that was impossible though.

It was _always_ the two of them to tuck the kids in, except when they had to travel for work or something like that, but that almost never happened.

“Where’s appa?” Seungkwan asked, and Seungcheol’s caress stopped, only for a second.

If Seungcheol didn’t know him any better, he’d say he could read minds, but truth was, this boy was really observant and so smart. He could sense when things went wrong. 

Okay, deep breaths, he could do this.

”He’s at work,” He said gently.

Seungkwan didn’t react to that, which was surprising, he kept his eyes closed and shuffled closer to Seungcheol, with a small whine.

“But I want to know what happens next.”

_What happens next?_

“We’re reading Harry Potter.” Seungkwan explained, sensing his confusion.

Ah, right.

Seungcheol usually didn’t read to the kids, if he were honest, Jeonghan was so much better at it, and even Seungcheol enjoyed hearing him.

“Sorry, Seungkwannie,” He said, because he didn’t know what else to say. “Would it make you feel better if I read to you?”

“Appa,” He mumbled, and it would have made Seungcheol feel better if he sounded mad or tired, or upset. But he only sounded exhausted and it made him want to cry a little. Had they hurt him _that_ bad lately? Where could he even begin to fix it? How could he make it better? “It has to be Jeonghan-appa, he makes the voices and everything.”

Seungcheol sighed, in any other time he’d have felt slightly jealous, but right now… he felt sorry for Seungkwan, he wished Jeonghan could be here too.

But he just couldn’t crumble in front of his son.

He needed to pull himself together.

“Then… may I sing to you?”

Seungkwan reacted to that, suddenly wide awake. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he looked at him with a curious expression.

“Appa, can you sing?” He asked, because surely he knew that Jihoon and Soonyoung could, even Jeonghan sang a few songs from time to time, but Seungcheol had never offered him that.

It wasn’t nothing amazing, he wasn’t very good at it, but he really hoped he could make something special to him, because his boy deserved it.

Usually Jeonghan was more about participating in karaoke games and things like these, but Seungcheol was a little shy about this, so he wasn’t about to brag about it.

This was different though…

“Well,” He started, sheepishly. “I’m not _great_ , but I can do it. I’d like to.”

“Okay, appa,” Seungkwan agreed.

Seungcheol smiled sadly at him and turned off his lamp, the room completely dark now, only the light from the hallway coming through. He told Seungkwan to settle down and wrapped an arm around him, petting his hair as he started to sing one of his (and Seungkwan’s) favorite songs, _a fool’s only tears._

He started slowly, full of doubts and thoughts about Jeonghan, and his eyes glassy with tears at the moment he had to sing _and every night, again tears baby._ He took a deep shaky breath, _will you come back to me_?

He just hoped Seungkwan had missed his voice broke at the last verse, and apparently it had, because when he was done, he looked down at his son, and he was sleeping peacefully, head cradled on Seungcheol’s arm.

So he decided to stay there a little longer, just until he felt more at ease with everything.

It took him a long time, and by the time he had come back to his room, it was almost one am, and still nothing from Jeonghan.

_When are you coming back home?_

He waited until he checked on Wonwoo and Chan, and turned off the lights, heading to their bedroom. He had just finished getting undressed, when his phone chirped.

_I’ll leave in an hour, don’t wait up. I love you._

Seungcheol only stared at his phone, tired beyond himself and sighed.

He fully intended to wait until Jeonghan arrived to speak to him about what had happened (something along the lines that Seungkwan missed him, and _he_ missed him, and that maybe he could work from home?), but he had just finished everything and he was _exhausted_ , he didn’t think he could stay up to talk.

He went to bed, his head full of Jeonghan and eyes only a little wet, and he dozed off.

It must have been two and a half or so, when he felt the bedroom door opening, the shuffling of clothes and the bed dipping and he finally fell into a decent sleep.

***

“So, how’s the parenting going?”

“Shut up.”

Seungcheol still smiled fondly at Jihoon, glad to have found some time so they’d meet up for lunch.

They had hardly spoken to each other after the surprise party and Seungcheol missed him, he wanted to know how he was, his heart eased when they were together, and it had always been like this.

Jihoon was his brother, he didn’t care if they weren’t blood related, he was his family.

“Come on, Jihoonie, I meant it.” Seungcheol insisted, nudging gently at his shoulder. “I really want to know, I’m worried about you.”

And he really was.

Ever since they were children, Jihoon didn’t seem _that_ interested in having a family (well, neither did Seungcheol) and even though Seungcheol didn’t buy that cool emotionless front that some people thought Jihoon had, truth was that Jihoon was really affectionate and kind-hearted.

“It’s fine.” Jihoon said, with a small sigh. Seungcheol nodded, munching on his rice. He knew what was coming though, because he felt the same about parenting.

It was always _fine_ , because it was great, but there was always something else.

“And?” He prompted softly.

Jihoon took a deep breath.

“It’s a lot.” He admitted, sipping on his cola. And Seungcheol only nodded again, knowing that Jihoon couldn’t vent with so many people, so this would be a chance for him to do so. And _God,_ Seungcheol would understand. He had three kids with his highschool sweetheart. “Sometimes I think like _if I do this, I’ll be fucking up his life_ or something. The choices we make… really affect his life and everything. And that’s…”

“Scary?” He provided.

“Fuck yes.”

There was only the sound of chopsticks against bowls of food for a moment, and the faint sound of chattering at the back, the restaurant was full, but it wasn’t packed, and Seungcheol was thankful, because he felt like at least they had some privacy.

Seungcheol could only agree, parenting _was_ a terrifying experience, full of challenges and worries and—

Well, lots of things.

And adopting only added a few more things into the mix.

Like kids adjusting and social workers, and endless paperwork.

“Soon’s freaking out too.” Jihoon sighed, without needing any prompting from Seungcheol. He ran a hand through his hair, which was one of his tells, when he was anxious, Seungcheol recognized.

“I know,” Seungcheol said, with a bitter tone. And that immediately caught Jihoon’s attention.

“Is he bothering you too much?” Jihoon asked, stopping from his eating to look at him.

Seungcheol’s stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“ _No_ … of course not. He’s been calling Jeonghannie.” He explained, he didn’t mean to sound like Soonyoung was annoying them. They had been so great when they adopted the kids, and even now. They had all the rights to ask for help from them now. “And it’s okay,” He rushed to add. “He’s worried and I understand too. I asked Jeonghannie a lot of things about kids in the beginning.”

Jihoon didn’t reply to that, just stared at him and Seungcheol felt regretful right away, he hadn’t meant to change the focus to him.

 _He_ was supposed to check on Jihoonie, not the other way around.

“How are you feeling with it?” Seungcheol asked instead, deciding not to eat anymore, he didn’t finish all of his food, but suddenly he didn’t feel hungry anymore.

“It?”

“Being someone’s… you know, parent.” He explained, making a gesture with his hands. Jihoon looked unconvinced, but he still replied, which Seungcheol appreciated.

“Good… it’s great.” Jihoon said, with a small private _soft_ smile. “It’s hard, but at the end of the day you get so much happy moments and it’s like… all of it it’s worth it. Like it’s really difficult but when I see Seokmin it’s like… _here he is_ , and he’s… great. That’s all, I guess.”

Ah, Seungcheol knew _exactly_ how he felt.

“How eloquent.” He teased, and it got him a punch in the arm. At least it made the mood lighter, so it was worth it, he missed laughing like this with Jihoonie. “But… I’m glad Jihoonie, you’re such a softie on the inside.” He gushed.

“Shut up.”

“You deserve the world,” He continued, and maybe he was teasing him, but he meant every word.

Jihoon’s cheeks got a little warm at that, but Seungcheol decided not to point it out. He didn’t want to embarrass him any further.

“How about you?” Jihoon asked, seemingly ready to change the focus of the conversation.

Seungcheol wasn’t sure _he_ was ready to talk about himself though.

“What about me?” He asked innocently.

“ _Cheol_.” Jihoon gave him the most _unimpressed_ look that Seungcheol had ever seen.

He suppressed a sigh. It must have been obvious, huh?

“I miss him.” He admitted quietly, looking down. It was hard saying it out loud, because this had been going on for a few weeks now and talking with someone meant making it real, and Seungcheol didn’t know if he wanted it to be real.

“Jeonghan?”

“Yeah… he’s been working a lot. He has this crazy deadline for the end of December and he’s… exhausted. I barely see him anymore. And the kids miss him, I think Seungkwannie is extra sensitive about his absence.” He didn’t know if he should add the next thing, but this was Jihoonie, he could trust him. “And he’s not getting along with Seokmin...”

He did look up, to catch Jihoon’s eyes, but he didn’t seem surprised, or mad, he only took a deep breath and sighed.

“So you noticed it too, huh?”

Seungcheol remembered the day they had forgotten to pick them up, the casual comments Seungkwan let out when he noticed Seokmin was home…

“Yeah. What can we do about it?” He asked, since he was out of ideas himself. He didn’t think it was fair to force their kids to be friends, but… he didn’t know how to handle the fact that they were so close, it was only natural for _all_ of them to be together all the time.

“I guess there’s nothing _we_ can do, we have to give it some time.” Jihoon offered, shrugging.

How much time though? Because this had been happening since Seokmin had arrived and Seungcheol didn’t expect it to get better now.

It was only getting worse.

“I don’t know,” He commented, unconvinced. “Wonwoo had a hard time making friends at first, but it was never… like this.” Sure, his eldest was shy, but he never outright refused to be with someone else.

This was different and they both knew it.

Jihoon hummed again, and for a moment, he went back to eating, which Seungcheol appreciated, he needed time to think. 

Maybe he should ask Jeonghan if he had noticed this Seokmin-Seungkwan sort of feud too… and he’d know what to do, what to _say_.

“Hyung’s boss is an asshole.” Jihoon said, out of nowhere, only to make Seungcheol smile.

“He _is_ ,” Seungcheol was caught of guard, but he smiled tiredly, he had to agree to _that_. “It’s not… like he can quit or anything, y’know? He’s the highest earner in the house, _by far_. I’m… working a bit more, so he doesn’t feel the pressure, but truth is that we can’t actually survive without his pay. And we don’t have a plan B.”

Seungcheol covered his face, feeling overwhelmed by it all.

If he weren’t such a mess in college, maybe he could have had a better job now and they wouldn’t have to rely on Jeonghan’s salary to live off.

Jihoon didn’t say a word, just let him vent, he knew that his friend probably needed to say this out loud.

“I think I’ve failed him. I should be helping too, but I’m _tired_. I’m so tired, Jihoonie.” He admitted, voice breaking at the last words, his eyes stayed stubbornly dry for once though. “I wish I could tell him _don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of everything_ and tell him to quit, but… I can’t. It wouldn’t work. I want to help him, but… I can’t be there for the kids and work and fill up his shoes just like that. We’re a team. We’ve _always_ been and I can’t do this without him.”

Silence fell between them.

Jihoon was never good with words, but he extended a hand, placing it over Seungcheol’s and squeezed gently.

A reminder, _I’m here for you too_ , Seungcheol knew.

And he needed it. He was so thankful… he wished he could say it out loud, but he couldn’t, otherwise he’d cry.

“Hyung.” Jihoon said softly.

“What?”

“Eat up, okay?” Jihoon said, not missing the way Seungcheol had left his meal unfinished. And another reminder as well, _I got your back_. “And about the rest… It’ll be okay, you’ll find a way, you always do. You’re more capable than you think, Cheol.”

Seungcheol could only hope he was right.

***

There was one thing Seungkwan was sure about.

Seokmin was noisy.

 _So_ noisy _._

Usually, Seungkwan wouldn’t mind, he was noisy himself when he was surrounded with people. But when he was all alone… trying to read, or watch TV or do his homework, he was _quiet_. Because he couldn’t focus otherwise.

Apparently Seokmin didn’t understand any of that, because he kept playing with Chan, singing along to a song of farm animals over and over again.

The worst part was, that Jeonghan was right next to him, and he didn’t say a thing. Why didn’t he tell him to be quiet while Seungkwan was trying to study?

If it were Wonwoo-hyung studying and Seungkwan making the noise, surely appa would say something…

Why was this any different?

Seungkwan decided he wasn’t about to pick up a fight over something as silly as that.

It was only noise.

He could take noise.

As soon as he saw Seokmin opening his mouth though, something _snapped_ inside of him.

“I’m trying to do my homework.” Seungkwan said through his teeth. “Will you just— _shush!_ ”

“Seungkwan,” Jeonghan gasped, _now_ paying attention to it. And that was so unfair.

Still… from the look Seokmin and Chan had, he figured he might have sounded meaner than he had wanted it to.

“... Please.” He added with a sheepish tone, suddenly embarrassed at the way he had reacted. Seokmin still looked dumbfounded and Chan covered his mouth in shock.

Jeonghan’s look was a mix between concern and disappointment.

“Honey, that’s no way to talk to your hyung, okay? You can always ask him nicely and he’ll—” Jeonghan started, as patiently as he could. 

But Seungkwan didn’t think that that was fair at all.

Wasn’t his homework important too? Besides, it’s not like Seokmin and Chan were _working_ on something, they were only playing.

“But, appa, he was—” He started, pointing at Seokmin.

“I understand, baby, but that doesn’t mean we can be mean and say—”

Seungkwan’s eyes filled with tears, standing up and crossing his arms against his chest, homework forgotten on the center table.

“He should say sorry too, I was—”

“I’m sorry, Seungkwan,” Seokmin provided immediately, from Seungkwan’s side. “I didn’t know I was—”

“Okay, Seungkwannie, look at me.” Jeonghan instructed gently, trying to calm him down. Apparently Seungkwan hadn’t noticed he had started crying.

“Why am I being scolded—” Seungkwan hiccuped, angry tears rolling down his cheeks. He could faintly notice the way Chan tried to reach out for him, but he was too hurt and upset to react to that. “ _He_ was making _so_ much noise and… and I—I wanted to—”

“Seungkwannie, I’m not trying to scold you, I just want to—” He started, reaching out to him.

“I’m sorry, Jeonghan-hyung,” Seokmin’s voice came from behind him, now repeating his apology towards him. He sounded upset as well, on the verge of crying.

This wasn’t good at all.

How did he allow this to escalate so quickly?

Jeonghan didn’t know, but this was clearly getting out of control.

“Boys, come on… it’s okay.” Jeonghan assured them, looking from Seokmin to Seungkwan, not knowing who to comfort first, they were both clearly upset. “I promise, I’m not mad, don’t cry. _Please_?”

Seyngkwan sniffled, using his sleeve to clean the snot on his upper lip. He was shaking all over, always being a messy crier.

Jeonghan’s heart ached at the sight of his baby crying and all because of him.

“Let’s… just be nice to each other, okay?” Jeonghan tried. “That’s all I ask, can you help me with that—”

Before he could finish his sentence though, Seungkwan shook his head, shaky hands picking up his notebook and anpanman pencil case.

“I’ll—I’ll be in my room.” Seungkwan blurted out and headed upstairs, sniffling.

Jeonghan tried not to sigh. And cry. And punch a pillow.

When did it get so messy? He felt like he was failing as a parent every time he saw Seungkwan’s tear streaked face.

He only wanted his baby to tell him what was wrong, so they could talk, he felt he was walking on eggshells lately. And he was exhausted, he didn’t think that parenting could get _this_ hard.

Most of the time, he could see right through his kids’ problems and help them with feelings and know what to say.

Right now though, he couldn’t quite point what was making Seungkwan feel this way.

Still, even if he didn’t understand, that didn’t mean he shouldn’t comfort him, so he got up to chase him, but he noticed that his phone was vibrating and he couldn’t ignore it (it was his boss). As he turned to look around the living room, he noticed Seokmin was crying too and Chan was seconds away from getting upset as well.

Although it broke his heart to make the decision, he figured he could check on Seungkwannie in a few minutes, right now he needed to get this under control first.

He wrapped an arm around Seokmin and pressed the phone against his ear, trying to think about work enough to reply to this call and then be _appa_ and _hyung_ again, as soon as he’d hang up. 

***

Ever since Chan had arrived, Jeonghan or Seungcheol (or both) found themselves trying to get him to sleep.

Almost everyday.

If it wasn’t the night terrors, it was waking up at the middle of the night, or having troubles to nod off even though the boy was dead tired.

It was always a struggle.

And Jeonghan thought, that after two and a half years, they knew how this went already.

That’s why the lights of the room were off, and Chan was already in bed, Jeonghan half lying on his side, to wrap an arm around him and rub his arm.

The only light was coming from Chan’s nightlight, since the boy was still scared about the dark.

“You know what, Channie?” Jeonghan said, as softly as he could, since he was trying to lull him to sleep. “You remind me of your appa, he had a hard time falling asleep too.”

Jeonghan had been trying to get him to sleep for more than half an hour, and he had already read to him, and lie down with him, and even get him to play to tire him out.

(Yes, he had tried counting sheeps too).

As always, it didn’t work.

So he started talking to him.

“What did appa do?” Chan asked sleepily, rubbing his cheek against Jeonghan’s pyjama top. It was a little habit of his, and it was adorable.

Jeonghan was certain that _we had sex_ wasn’t an appropriate response to a five year old.

“He liked to cuddle.” He said instead, because it wasn’t entirely a lie. “And I stayed by his side.”

And the last one wasn’t a lie either.

Chan hummed in response, wrapping an arm around Jeonghan’s waist and squeezing tight. It made him all warm inside, knowing that between all of this mess, Chan still loved him just as much… that he wasn’t mad at him.

He wished Seungkwan could feel the same. But truth was, he had made so many mistakes lately, that he deserved that kind of reaction from his middle child.

Jeonghan had failed as a parent.

He knew, he just didn’t know how to make it better now.

“We can cuddle too, appa,” He said, so innocent and sweet, he was still his baby. Jeonghan didn’t think he had favorites, not at all, he loved each kid because of their own personalities and he had a soft spot for all three of them.

Although with Chan there was something else… He was _so_ protective over Chan. Maybe because he was the youngest, or maybe because he was so dependant of them, but still…

Surely Jeonghan would never let anything happen to any of their boys, but _es_ _pecially_ to Chan.

“I’m tired.” Chan whined, muffled against Jeonghan’s stomach, effectively interrupting his thoughts.

Jeonghan cooed, shifting on his side to pull Chan to his chest so he could wrap an arm around him and rub his back. Chan was so warm when he pulled him close, and he faintly wondered if maybe his son was wearing too much clothes to sleep.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He whispered, because he _was._ He wished that he was the one with these problems, he’d really take on his baby’s pain and deal with it on his own.

He’d do anything to make him feel better.

“It’s not your fault,” Chan mumbled, hiccuping, as tears started to form in his eyes. It was so sweet of him to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, it made Jeonghan feel a little better. “But I’m tired and—”

He didn’t manage to finish the sentence, because he dissolved into tears.

“Shh, it’s okay, appa’s here with you, baby.” Jeonghan said, shifting his position once more. As gently as he could, he sat up, pulling Chan to his lap, and letting him slump against his chest. “I’m right here, I’m sorry.”

Chan finally tired himself out and cried himself to sleep, as Jeonghan whispered soft comforting words to him and kept pressing kisses against his hair and tear streaked face.

It broke Jeonghan’s heart to put him down to sleep and tuck him in after he fell asleep like that, but he really wanted to say goodnight to his other kids too.

When he could make sure that he wouldn’t wake up as soon as he left, he slowly stood up and left his bedroom door ajar.

He stifled a yawn against the back of his arm and when he looked up, his eyes met an equally tired looking Seungcheol in the middle of the hallway.

“Oh,” Jeonghan said, probably sounding like an idiot. “Chan’s finally asleep. I’ll say goodnight to Seungkwannie and—”

“They’re asleep already.” Seungcheol interrupted, tone too sharp.

Jeonghan went silent, closing his mouth, breath catching in his throat. And he didn’t know how _hurt_ he looked, than Seungcheol immediately raised his hands in innocence, with an apologetic look.

“Sorry, baby, I mean—”

“‘S okay,” Jeonghan didn’t care for the harsh tone Seungcheol had just used, he probably deserved it. He hadn’t been home and if he were, he was either napping or working. “I’m sorry for being this late” Jeonghan said quietly.

Seungcheol looked unconvinced, like _he_ wanted to apologize again, but in the end, he just extended a hand, looking just as exhausted as Jeonghan felt.

“Let’s… just go to sleep, okay?”

Jeonghan silently agreed, taking his hand and following to the bedroom.

Seungcheol knew it wasn’t Jeonghan’s fault, he was overworking himself, and with Seokmin arriving and everything, it had been the craziest two months of the year. But still, something was nagging him and he was tired too, since it was hard trying to do what Jeonghan couldn’t, he was getting overwhelmed and snappy.

He wanted to tell Jeonghan he was tired, that he needed his help, that he should tell his boss to fuck off, that Seungkwan missed him, that _he_ missed him too.

But it was like one am and he was _exhausted_.

There was nothing he dreaded the most than arguing with Jeonghan and certainly he didn’t want to do this now.

For tonight, he’d swallow the lump on his throat and call it a night.

They both changed into his pyjamas in silence, and as soon as they turned off the lights, Seungcheol could see that Jeonghan doubted if he should come closer or not, so Seungcheol took the first step and pulled him close, hugging him.

He felt so much better when Jeonghan relaxed against his hold.

“It’s okay,” Seungcheol said (both to Jeonghan and himself), because he hoped it was, he hoped it’d be. He placed a kiss on the top of Jeonghan’s head and sighed, he only wanted this rough patch to be over already.

“Goodnight.”

***

“I don’t know, Soon.” Jeonghan yawned, glad that Soonyoung had decided to call during his break and not while he was in a meeting (like the other time, his boss had _not_ been pleased).

Besides, it wasn’t like Soonyoung calling was unusual at all these days.

“Every kid is different, some kids wet the bed, some kids get angry or aggressive. Some kids have troubles at school.” He continued, wishing it’d calm his friend down. “But it’s only expected since they’re adjusting to a new environment and they’re testing your boundaries and, it’s hard for them.”

Wonwoo had wet the bed at first, Seungkwan had troubles at school and Chan had nightmares, and well, Chan _still_ had troubles to sleep, even though he had been adopted at two, and he was five.

“ _But nothing has happened with Seokminnie.”_ Soonyoung replied, clearly worried.

“And that’s good, right?” Jeonghan replied, stifling another yawn and sipping his cup of coffee instead. He really needed to sleep early at least today. He was exhausted. “Some kids adapt better, maybe because he’s older or that’s just him.”

Jeonghan was sure that considering Seokmin, it was both.

“ _But what if something happens, how do we do it? What if he’s having troubles at school and we don’t know?_ ”

Jeonghan’s heart squeezed at the memory of Wonwoo and his broken video game.

“Well, you can always ask their teachers and ask him too, how’s he feeling, if he needs or wants anything.” He replied, finding easy to reply to Soonyoung’s questions.

He wondered if his friend knew about the little… incident that Seungkwan and Seokmin had the other day. Maybe he should talk to Jihoon and Soonyoung about it, but definitely not over phone.

“ _I see_.” And it seemed like he was taking notes, and knowing Soonyoung, maybe he was.

“There’s no manual for this, Soonie.” He said patiently. “You just get to know them and… you’ll know what to do.”

“ _That’s so wise of you, hyung!_ ”

“But… you’re doing great, Soon.” He complimented, thinking that Soonyoung needed to hear it. And he could almost hear Soonyoung’s smile.

“ _You too, hyung! I don’t know how you do it!”_

Well, Jeonghan thought bitterly, it wasn’t like he was doing a good job _right now._ But since he didn’t want to spoil the conversation, he just stayed in silence, changing the subject right after.

It worked, and Jeonghan was glad, he didn’t feel like his parenting skills were doing wonders right now.

He didn’t deserve any kind of praise right now.

If anything, he was only hurting his kids, and he didn’t know how to make it stop.

He just hoped he’d find a way to deal with work and kids and Seungcheol, and Seokmin and everything soon, because he was getting pretty tired of the current arrangement.

***

It must have been like three am, when he could hear the phone ringing.

Seungcheol forced himself to open his eyes, blinking the sleep away.

As always, Jeonghan had already replied the phone call, and he started registering the words.

"Yeah... Seokminnie." Jeonghan whispered and Seungcheol _whined_ , he wanted to sleep. Could the phone stop ringing on _three am_ on a _weekday?_ Like _please?_ “No, sweetheart, I swear there are no monsters. I promise. Go back to sleep, okay?”

Chan stirred awake between them, letting out a whine.

Honestly, Seungcheol felt the same. 

“Appa,” Chan whimpered, and Seungcheol suppressed a groan, _great_. Now getting Chan back to sleep would be an almost impossible task.

Deep down, he knew it wasn’t Seokmin’s fault he was only a scared little boy calling his favorite Uncle for comfort.

But at the same time, he _really_ needed to sleep, he’d be up in like three hours and _now_ they needed to help Chan fall back to sleep too. 

Jeonghan looked down at him, apologetically. Seungcheol only sighed, shifting on the bed to place a hand on Chan’s back, rubbing it gently.

“Shh, Channie, let’s go back to sleep, yeah?” He asked, softly, but his son shook his head, clinging to Seungcheol for comfort. Seungcheol shifted again, sitting up in bed and pulling him to his lap, cradling his head gently.

“Oh, honey,” Jeonghan cooed, setting the phone down (Seungcheol didn’t even notice when he had finished talking) and reaching for Chan. “I’m sorry appa woke you up.”

They had a little system where obviously the one who would work the morning shift wouldn’t handle any of the kids waking up during the night, so they wouldn’t be that exhausted.

But instead of handing Chan over, Seungcheol stood up him, willing to leave and comfort him somewhere else, Jeonghan frowned, was Seungcheol _mad?_

“Cheol, you have to be up early, let me.” He tried, hating how the dark didn’t let him to make up his husband’s expression.

Maybe he wasn’t mad, maybe he was…

“I got it.”

Okay, he was _definitely_ mad.

Jeonghan was suddenly, _very_ awake.

“But, I—”

“I said I got it.” Seungcheol insisted, carrying the crying child away from the room, so he wouldn’t wake up the other kids. “Come on, Channie, some warm milk will make you feel better.” He added softly, a contrast to the tone he had just used with Jeonghan.

Jeonghan watched them leave and fell down on the bed, groaning as he pressed a pillow against his face. He knew Seungcheol had gotten mad because he had been receiving calls almost every night from Seokmin and sometimes even Soonyoung, to ask help on how to handle him.

But what could he do? Just stop replying? It was Seokmin, he couldn’t do that to him.

He couldn’t, not at all.

Of course he wished he hadn’t woken up Chan, but… he didn’t know.

What was he supposed to do?

***

Seungkwan was mad.

_I know it’s saturday and we should be home, but we both have to work, okay? Only until noon. We’re sorry, boys. We’ll pick you up as soon as we’re done._

And since Seungkwan found himself with Seokmin (of all people) in his room, he decided to play a little prank to him.

He knew that Seokmin was older than him, but he was so much child-like than him, that it was hard to think of him as his hyung.

“You know,” He started with an innocent tone. “I’m glad you’ve got this room. And not like… the other one, you know, because of the ghosts and everything.”

Seokmin’s expression faltered and Seungkwan didn’t know _why_ but it made him feel so much better.

He knew he was being bad and probably Jeonghan or Seungcheol would scold him, but it was _so_ worth it.

This would be so funny.

Besides, Jeonghan-appa and Seungcheol-appa, didn’t have to leave him here all by himself…. well not like he was all by himself, but Chan was napping so it wasn’t like he was there with him, and Wonwoo hyung was in his book club.

So _all by himself._

“The ghosts?” He repeated, blinking way too much.

“Yeah, well… I mean, it’s not like something you should worry about. They were here last year, but maybe they left already.” He said, shrugging.

Seokmin visibly gulped, hands shaky as he reached for his pillow to have something to hold on.

“Oh, that’s… good, right? They—they left.” Seokmin stammered and Seungkwan tried not to smile, this was so funny.

“I mean _sure_ ,” Seungkwan agreed, looking unconvinced. “But you know how these things are… they never do go away, right?”

Seokmin looked around, looking as fearful as a baby deer.

“Ah, _hyung_ , but don’t get scared.” Seungkwan said, reaching to pat on his shoulder. “I’m sure it’s a harmless ghost.”

When he deemed that Seokmin looked scared enough, he clapped twice, settling the subject.

“Anyway… I should get going by now, I think I heard Channie wanting his hyung.” He said, standing up and walking away. ”Um, so I’ll leave you here by yourself, you don’t mind, do you? You’re brave, so you’ll be fine!”

He snickered all the way to the first floor.

He knew he was being mean, but it was only a little joke, surely that wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

(And besides, no one had to find out.)

***

Chaos started when Seungkwan got it into the kitchen fully intending to make himself a bowl of his favorite cereal and, as he opened all of the cupboards, he noticed it was all gone.

“Appa, I can’t find my cereal.” He complained, pouting at Jeonghan who was in the living room, as Wonwoo and Chan watched TV.

Jeonghan was typing something on his laptop, and he absently replied:

"I’m sorry, bud. Appa forgot to buy more, it ran out yesterday.”

Seungkwan tried to remember yesterday, _he_ hadn’t eaten it, and Wonwoo-hyung didn’t like his cereal (he had his own), and Chan didn’t like cereal. Which only left one option, Seokmin had been here, as every Monday. Playing with Chan. _And_ eating his cereal.

He knew that he had been taught to share, he _knew_ , but something ugly and unpleasant kept twisting inside his tummy, making him extremely upset and _mad_.

Not only at Seokmin for being a good singer (better than him) and Jeonghan defending him, but at himself for thinking all these awful things about a kid that was only his age. 

He just hated knowing that Jeonghan had spent a full afternoon with Seokmin and had forgot to pick them up for school, that they kept talking on the phone all the time and Jeonghan barely paid him any attention now, that Jeonghan kept talking on and on about how Seokmin was adjusting splendidly and that was so amazing that—

"Baby, why are you crying?" Jeonghan interrupted his thoughts, reaching out for him, eyes full of concern.

Seungkwan hadn’t noticed he _had_. But he could definitely feel something wet rolling down his cheek and he sniffled, pulling away from Jeonghan.

"Why is Seokmin here all the time?" He blurted out, eyes fixed on the floor. He didn’t know _where_ he was going with this, but he needed to get it out of his chest. "Why do you—” He choked. “Why do you spend so much time with him—”

Jeonghan tried to come closer again, but Seungkwan wouldn’t let him, instead he pulled back harshly, as he didn’t want Jeonghan to touch him.

Jeonghan was heartbroken, he didn’t think he had never _ever_ felt something more horrible.

There was a heavy uncomfortable silence, only interrupted by the sound of Chan’s cartoons on the TV.

Damn, Chan.

Not a second later, Chan’s eyes started to fill with tears, upset at the tension in the air. He stood up in the couch, staring at Jeonghan and extending his arms to be picked up.

“Appa, hyung, are you fighting?” He whined, but Jeonghan was too stunned to move, to _do_ something other than focus on Seungkwan and how broken he looked and it was all because of him and he _hated_ himself for it.

Jeonghan faintly caught the way Wonwoo stood up from reading his book and picked his youngest brother up, shushing him gently. Chan wasn’t exactly tall, but he wasn’t a lightweight either, but Jeonghan figured that it was the faster way to get him to move. _Let’s go upstairs, Channie, no, no—shh, everything’s okay. Appa and hyung are okay. We’ll play Pokemon, you like that, right?_

Jeonghan would thank him if he weren’t so lost at what to say.

"Seungkwannie, I’m sorry if I—" he started, trying not to let his voice waver, trying to resist the urge to bawl his eyes out. This was affecting him too, work and Seokmin and Cheol— “I’m just trying to help Seokmin adjust to—”

" _No._ ” Seungkwan interrupted him sharply, tears rolling down his cheeks and hiccuping as he said the next words.

Jeonghan stopped on his tracks, eyes shiny with tears as well.

“Why didn’t you adopt _him_ instead?” Seungkwan yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Seems like you love him more!" He cried, pushing past him and going to his room.

Jeonghan stood there, dumbfounded.

It was like all of his world was crumbling down to pieces and he couldn’t do anything to make it better.

Suddenly he felt lightheaded and he had to lean back against the kitchen counter, slowly sliding down to sit on the floor. He felt like his heart was about to burst from his chest, and he felt dizzy, and _awful_ and _empty_ at the same time.

 _Why didn’t you adopt_ him _instead?_

He had really failed as parent.

How could he make his son think that he didn’t want him?

He was the worst.

Jeonghan buried his face in his hands, wishing that earth could swallow him whole.


	2. Far from home

Wonwoo hadn’t come back to _The Angel house_ in _years_.

Two years and three weeks if he wanted to be exact.

And although time had passed and Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s house would forever be _home_ from now on, he still felt kind of anxious to go back.

Did the same kids remain? What if the building had changed? Was his _bed_ occupied by someone else now? He had left when he was seven, but he was nine now, surely things had—

He took a deep breath.

The road to _The Angel house_ was the most familiar one, it’d always be, watching the trees and endless field managed to calm him a little.

No matter where he lived, no matter where he went, he always thought of this place.

Most of his childhood memories had been brewed here after all, it was impossible not to.

He hadn’t noticed it, but he must have shuffled closer to Jeonghan, because not a moment passed and his appa had wrapped a comforting arm around him and laced their fingers, squeezing Wonwoo’s hand.

 _It’s okay,_ he meant _, we’re here for you_.

And Wonwoo tried to believe him, so he looked up, giving him a small smile, feeling a little better.

They were almost there now.

So Wonwoo tried to think of something else. _Anything_ else would do.

Seungcheol was driving, _silently_ , which was a first. He’d always turn on the radio or play music on his phone, Jeonghan knew that both his husband and child loved ballads and they could literally sing them a whole four hour car ride if they wanted to.

Sadly, today was not the case.

It just didn’t feel right, since clearly Wonwoo was conflicted about going back.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but at the same time, the boy was getting upset, and they both noticed it, but there was no way they could just turn back and leave… it wasn’t their choice to come.

The social worker who had been reviewing Wonwoo’s case had asked them if instead of visiting on their own home, they could do it in the orphanage.

She hadn’t explained _why_ , but Seungcheol and Jeonghan wouldn’t say no to the person that had allowed them to get their kid, so they didn’t hesitate and went.

But as they drove, they noticed how it began to take a toll on the nine year old, who started to hyperventilate the moment Seungcheol pulled over.

Jeonghan was there in a second, unfastening his son’s seat belt so he wouldn’t feel so restrained, and reaching out to squeeze his hand.

“Baby, it’s okay, breathe.” Jeonghan said, gently.

Wonwoo barely registered movement, but then the cold air hit his cheeks, and he opened his eyes, he hadn’t noticed that he had closed them.

Seungcheol had opened the door next to him, letting _air_ come into his mouth and nose and finally _breathe_. And Wonwoo was glad, he didn’t feel so trapped anymore.

“You’re looking a little pale, bud.” Seungcheol said, kneeling next to him and patting his leg gently, Wonwoo took a moment, but turned, trying to obey. “That’s it, just as appa said, deep breaths.”

From the other side, Jeonghan fixed Wonwoo’s fringe away from his eyes.

“We know it’s hard for you to come back, but we’ll only be here for a while, okay?” Jeonghan squeezed his hand again and Wonwoo took a deep shaky breath, anxiety easing down. “Then we can go home. We can eat ramyeon for dinner too.”

That was… nice, that’d be nice. It was still early enough, Wonwoo could still nap with Jeonghan and play video games with Seungcheol.

Just needed to do this quickly.

“Okay.” Wonwoo said and it earned him a kiss on the temple (Jeonghan) and one on his cheek (Seungcheol).

A few seconds later, they were finally out of the car, being immediately greeted with the old building.

It hadn’t been painted, the yard still had those three plants and about the rest, it looked mostly the same… Wonwoo didn’t know if he felt relieved or worried about that.

He faintly registered Jeonghan’s hand on his shoulder, as he guided him inside.

He was thankful, for a second he had forgotten how to use his own feet.

As soon as they made it to the entrance, Wonwoo’s heart sped up, reaching out to tug on Seungcheol’s sleeve.

Not to call him out or anything, he just… wanted to hold onto something. Preferably his parents.

“You want to say hello to Sojung-noona?” Jeonghan asked gently, trying to distract him.

Wonwoo immediately hid behind Seungcheol, shaking his head.

Jeonghan’d have thought how adorable that was if their boy didn’t look so damn scared.

Jeonghan still smiled softly at him, wanting to reassure him, Wonwoo made sure to send Sojung postcards every other holiday, with little presents too. She had been one of the few persons that Wonwoo had opened up to (even though she didn’t exactly see it like that, since Wonwoo barely talked back then), but it was okay… he could see her any other day. Jeonghan totally understand if Wonwoo was being shy today.

The boy had always been an introvert, plus him being nervous, Jeonghan wasn’t surprised.

And he wouldn’t push him to go inside if he didn’t want to.

“Okay then.” Jeonghan replied. “We have to talk to Hyesoo-ssi and we’ll be out in a sec—”

The door suddenly opened… which was weird, since neither Seungcheol nor Jeonghan had actually _knocked_.

Next thing they noticed was… a kid.

He couldn’t be older than six, and he was staring at them intently, eyes fixed on each member of the family.

It should have unnerved Wonwoo, but he couldn’t… he was so _tiny_ that it was funny that he was looking at them like that.

“Not what I had in mind, but you will do.” The boy said, nodding to himself with a serious expression.

The three of them frowned, the adults glancing at each other questioningly.

Wonwoo thought it was a good moment to try and peer from where he was hiding behind Seungcheol.

Jeonghan was the first one to reply.

“Hi, my name is Jeonghan, that’s Seungcheol and that’s—”

“You’re so pretty, ahjussi.” He interrupted, looking at him curiously now.

Seungcheol snorted a laugh (which earned him an _immediate_ slap on his chest by Jeonghan) and Wonwoo only stood back, wondering what was going on.

“Well, thank you.” Jeonghan replied, not missing a beat and trying to focus on the _pretty_ part and not the other… term, he didn’t look old, did he?

He got _hyung_ all the time, but _ahjussi_ , that was a first. He wasn’t exactly prepared.

But something else about this encounter made him think. If he remembered correctly, no kid should be opening the door, besides it was Monday, a school day, _something_ made Jeonghan think that this boy shouldn’t be here.

He only got a curious stare in return, the kid’s eyes now traveling towards Wonwoo and Seungcheol.

“You’re a couple.” He said, it wasn’t a question, which surprised Seungcheol, kids always got curious about them.

Being men _and_ a couple and all.

“Yes, sweetie.” Jeonghan replied, not unkindly. “Now, could you tell us where—”

“You should adopt me.” The boy said, effectively interrupting his words.

All of them went silent after that.

Jeonghan’s heart squeezed painfully at the words, that was one of the reasons he hadn’t come back here… he knew lots of kids back then liked him, and he felt somehow guilty for leaving and only adopting Wonwoo.

Not that’d _ever_ regret choosing Wonwoo, but… it still made him guilty, he wished all of those kids had gotten nice families, that he knew they’d be okay, but that wasn’t the reality.

He tried to swallow the lump on his throat and bent down a little, to look at the little one in the eye.

Jeonghan didn’t want to lie to him, or give him false hope, that’d be so cruel.

“Oh, honey, we’re sorry. I'm sure you're a great little boy, but...” He said gently, remembering what he had said to those kids back then. “We’re not here to adopt, we’re only visiting.”

The boy expression fell, not being able to hide his disappointment.

“Ah… Right.” He whispered, head dropping low.

 _Fuck,_ that hurt.

Jeonghan reached out to comfort him, he didn’t know _how_ , but still, he could surely make him feel better—

“Ah, Seungkwan.” A voice came from down the corridor, sounding exasperated. “You shouldn’t be—Oh, Jeonghan-ssi, Seungcheol-ssi.”

A boy appeared, looking _scandalized_ which probably meant he was _new_ if a kid had managed to outsmart him like that.

And he was from the staff, if him knowing their names was anything to go by.

Jeonghan tried to think back, maybe he had looked _that_ inexperienced back then too.

It made him feel a bit endeared.

“My name is Hyungwon,” He said, bowing. He placed a gentle hand on the kid— _Seungkwan_ ’s shoulder and turned him, so he’d walk back inside. The boy didn’t make a sound, just looked at them with a pout and disappeared into the hallway.

Jeonghan was both intrigued and appalled, he had wanted to say something, but he hadn't known what.

“Hyesoo-ssi is waiting for you.” Hyungwon added pointedly, when neither of them moved to get inside.

Right, they were here for a meeting with the social worker, not to give their son a panic attack _and_ disappoint a five year old, Jeonghan almost forgot.

This day was turning out to be _so_ weird.

Jeonghan noticed Seungcheol’s hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder now, and he knew that his husband had remembered the same thing.

Their son.

“Will you be okay on your own, baby?” Seungcheol asked, memories of Wonwoo looking a worrying shade of green appearing on his mind.

He was worried too and Jeonghan couldn’t blame him.

He could always tell him to come inside… but Seungcheol wasn’t sure that they would be talking about things that a kid should hear.

“Yes, appa.” Wonwoo replied calmly, and Jeonghan felt guilty for a moment, with the interaction they had with the little boy, he had forgotten about Wonwoo, he did look better now, but still…

“Okay. We’ll be out soon, if you need anything, just knock on the door.” Jeonghan instructed gently, cupping Wonwoo’s cheek before tugging Seungcheol’s hand so he’d hurry.

As they walked down the hallway, Jeonghan didn’t know _why_ , but the image of _Seungkwan_ ’s sad expression lingered, forming a lump on his throat.

He took advantage of the hold of his husband’s hand and squeezed a little tighter, trying to ease his rapidly beating heart.

***

Seungcheol was halfway to take off his right shoe when he got literally tackled to the ground by _someone._

Hopefully one of his kids or his husband, he thought, otherwise that’d be a very clingy thief.

“Appa.” The distressed whine made Seungcheol open his eyes, his heart aching as he recognized the source of the sound, it was their youngest, clinging into him for dear life.

On instinct he had wrapped his arms around him as soon as his butt hit the floor, but now he hugged Chan tighter, worry invading his chest.

What the hell had happened?

“Baby,” he looked down at Chan, who kept burying in his chest and crying. “Baby, let appa see your handsome face, will you?”

Chan sniffled in his hold and Seungcheol looked around the living room. There wasn’t any noise coming from the table, but the smell of food still lingered.

It was dinner time, but for Jeonghan to leave Chan unsupervised just like this, it was weird.

Where did everyone go? Why did Chan look this upset?

“Jeonghannie?” He asked, but he got no immediate reply, “Jeonghan?”

He managed to get up with Chan on his arms and quickly took off his remaining shoe, walking inside as he looked around looking for his two other boys and husband.

“Baby, I’m here,” He reminded him, bouncing the kid up and down. Chan was usually like this when he was younger, missing Seungcheol as he had to work, and when he got home from work, he waited him by the door, bawling his eyes at the sight of him.

Seungcheol couldn’t think of any situation right now that would cause his baby this much distress.

Why wasn’t Jeonghan comforting him? Why was there so much _silence_ in the house?

It was never like this.

“What’s wrong?” He cooed gently, cradling Chan’s head as he walked to the kitchen. “Baby, where are your hyungs? And appa?”

He didn’t need to wait for an answer, because he finally entered the living room and caught sight of Wonwoo.

The thirteen year old was sitting on his usual spot, hands obediently on his lap (as if he didn’t know what to do with them) and eyes fixed on the floor.

Seungcheol’s heart sped up, his chest filling with a feeling of dread.

Wonwoo looked up at him, eyes glazed over as he sat there, in front of a (cold, Seungcheol presumed) plate of food.

He was there, unmoving, lower lip trembling, and it made Seungcheol worry even more, what the hell had happened for Chan to be crying his eyes out and Wonwoo look that pale and upset?

“Baby… are you okay?” He asked tentatively. “What happened?”

Seungcheol could actually _see_ Wonwoo trying to swallow the lump in his throat, and he rose his hands to explain, but all he got was a strange mumble involving _appa_ , and _Seungkwan_ , and _upstairs_.

(And _crying?_ He wasn’t entirely sure, but it’d make sense).

“Appa, does appa and hyung don’t—don’t love each other anymore?” Chan wailed, looking up at Seungcheol with a tear streaked face, tone wavering as he hiccuped and tried to speak.

Was this about Seokmin? Seungcheol faintly wondered, but he didn’t have the time to clarify.

“No, baby.” He said, sounding confident. He had no idea what had happened, but there was no way he’d question that. “Appa loves hyung very much, he loves all of you and he always will. Hyung loves appa too. Okay, Channie?”

Chan only sniffled in his hold, burying in Seungcheol’s neck.

He couldn’t possibly make it better if he didn’t know what had happened, so he decided he had to find out.

Seungcheol was getting more worried about Jeonghan and Seungkwan and he needed to check on them. The atmosphere in the house had been… tense, lately, and Seungcheol could only assume that something had happened and things had blown off.

He slowly tried to peel off Chan’s arms of his body, as he focused on the eldest of their kids.

“Wonwoo-yah,” Seungcheol tilted his chin up and smiled when they made eye contact (it only lasted a second though). Wonwoo looked so _lost_ and helpless that it made his heart ache. “Look at me, everything’s okay, I promise, look at—there you go. I’m going to talk to appa and Seungkwannie, okay, baby? Now… I need you to do me a favor, I know you can do this.”

The kid looked like he wanted to say something, but he stayed in silence.

Seungcheol’s heart ached for asking him to do something when he was clearly upset, and he supposed that even though they tried not to, the eldest always carried a bit more responsibility than his younger brothers anyway.

“How about you heat up your dinner, huh? You look hungry. Channie’s too, please.” He said, with the only purpose so the thirteen year old had something else on his mind, even if it was just for a few minutes. “I’ll be right back, and I’ll join you guys.”

Wonwoo looked unconvinced, hands shaky as he reached out for his plate, but he still gave Seungcheol a reassuring smile.

God, Seungcheol loved him so much. He was so brave, and so responsible.

He was always doing his best for them.

“Thank you, Wonwoo.” He praised, then he noticed that Chan had managed to calm down a little too. Probably seeing that his hyung didn’t look like crying anymore. “I’ll be right back, baby.” He repeated, to Chan this time.

He planted a kiss on each of his cheeks and then his forehead, setting him down in his chair.

Chan was still pouting, but he wasn’t _crying_ , which was the best he could aim at, in this moment.

Okay then, upstairs.

Seungcheol quickly made his way to his middle’s son room, faintly hearing the microwave starting.

_Well done, Wonwoo-yah._

“ _Please_ , Seungkwannie, can you at least—” He heard and his heart sank in his chest, worry overcoming his doubts.

Fuck what had happened, he just wanted Jeonghan to stop sound like _that_. 

It wasn’t often that he heard the distress and frustration and pure _sadness_ on his husband’s voice and he really wanted to make it better.

Apart from Jeonghan’s voice though, he couldn’t hear Seungkwan. They weren’t fighting… Jeonghan was just begging for Seungkwan to get out of his room.

Seungcheol slowly walked across the hallway until he stood next to his lover, it wasn’t until he was practically standing right in front of him, than Jeonghan turned, eyes red, but no trace of tears.

“Ah, Cheol,” Jeonghan said, looking calm almost disinterested (but Seungcheol knew him better), as if Seungcheol hadn’t just arrived to a total mess of a house with no explanation whatsoever from his husband.

 _What the hell, Jeonghan?_ he resisted to ask, it’d only make Jeonghan upset as well, and Seungcheol knew that they didn’t need that right now.

“Jeonghan….” He said, and now he picked up noise from Seungkwan’s room. He was crying. Quietly, which was new. He seemed heartbroken, and Seungcheol resisted the urge to talk to Jeonghan later and comfort Seungkwan _now_. As an adult Jeonghan could wait, he’d understand, but Seungkwan… “Jeonghan, what are you doing? What happened?”

Jeonghan licked his lips, eyes fixed on the door as he vaguely pointed at it.

If Seungcheol didn’t know him any better, he’d say that he looked drunk or something. This was _so_ weird, he didn’t remember ever seeing Jeonghan react like this to one of the arguments with the kids.

“I was… just—” Jeonghan started, voice wavering, which Seungcheol only caught because he was paying close attention. Jeonghan was really good at hiding his real emotions, and sometimes he could almost fool Seungcheol.

Almost.

“I’m—just trying to make Seungkwannie eat, he just refused to go downstairs and I thought that he’d need to eat something and I just—” Jeonghan explained, stumbling over his own words, which was another sign of his distress, his anxiousness.

 _Oh, so you just left our two other kids downstairs?_ He resisted to ask, and he was getting angry at himself for thinking that Jeonghan deserved such bad treatment.

Jeonghan not only had his own work, he took on most of house chores himself, and he usually had the best parenting abilities of the two.

He was always trying his best, and Seungcheol was being unfair to him, getting frustrated with him only because of this. (Well, not only maybe because of this, it had been a weird few months lately).

Seungcheol took a deep steadying breath.

He was not doing this. He wouldn’t blame Jeonghan.

How else could his husband handle this if he wasn’t here to help? He couldn’t divide himself to take care of all of the children.

Jeonghan’s eyes remained glued to the door, and Seungcheol noticed Seungkwan’s cries had subdued.

One thing at a time.

“Jeonghan.” He said, tone stern yet soft, knowing it’d work for Jeonghan to pay attention to him. “I’ll take care of him.”

He didn’t get a response, Jeonghan didn’t even move.

This was so wrong.

“Baby,” He repeated, a little louder. Jeonghan’s head snapped to his direction, eyes meeting. “Wonwoo is… he’s really worried and he doesn’t know what to do, Chan is crying… please be there for them. I’ll stay here, I’ll try to talk to Seungkwannie.”

 _Something_ switched in Jeonghan’s gaze at the mention of their two other children and Jeonghan let out a knowing _ah_ , nodding to himself.

“Right, I’ll just,” Jeonghan said, pulling himself together, and Seungcheol almost thanked him out loud for it. He didn’t usually see Jeonghan this… upset, he was always in control. It unnerved him a little. “Go.”

Seungcheol nodded in response, placing a hand on his husband’s shoulder and squeezing gently, a small encouragement.

Jeonghan gave him a shy smile (Seungcheol did _not_ sigh in relief at that), and then he was gone.

“Eat something, okay?” He reminded him, because he knew Jeonghan tended to skip meals when anxious or stressed.

He only got a small agreement hum in reply, but he’d take it.

When he made sure Jeonghan was downstairs, Seungcheol leaned on the door, trying to listen.

“Baby… Seungkwannie, it’s only me now.” Seungcheol said, pressing his cheek against the wood. “I know you’re… angry or sad or upset.”

Maybe all three, Seungcheol didn’t know how bad had it been.

“We can talk if you want to.”

Silence.

Seungcheol waited.

He could hear Seungkwan sniffling at the other side of the door, and for a fleeting second he thought _fuck it_ , _I’m going inside to comfort him anyway,_ but his hand immediately let the door knob go.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan had agreed that whenever their kids were upset they’d be there for them, but… they also knew they needed their space.

Seungcheol often find it hard to keep the balance between those two things.

He decided it’d be the best to give his kid a choice.

“Want to talk later?” He ventured.

They had this system where if Seungkwan (or any of them, really) didn’t want to speak, they could make another sound.

One knock for _yes_ and two for _no_.

Seungcheol waited again, heart thrumming in his ears.

Then Seungkwan timidly knocked on the door once and Seungcheol couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

“Okay, baby.” He said, smiling gently. “Appa’s here for you.”

He waited a few seconds, and when he heard nothing else, he decided he should go downstairs and make sure that Wonwoo, Chan and Jeonghan had something to eat before going to bed.

Maybe later he could try and get Seungkwan to eat too.

He didn’t know _exactly_ what had happened, but right now he didn’t need to… clearly it had to do with the tension building up between Seungkwan and Jeonghan.

The weird thing was that even though both of them had made mistakes lately, Seungkwan only seemed mad at Jeonghan.

He wished that he could at least use that to his favor and help Seungkwan make up with his husband. 

Seungcheol was too distracted by his own thoughts, that he missed the door being opened and two arms wrapping on his waist, giving him a back hug.

Oh.

There was a halt in his son’s breathing and his little fists clung on Seungcheol’s shirt.

He didn’t move.

“Seungkwannie,” He said gently knowing he wouldn’t get a reply. He placed his hands over his son’s and caressed his knuckles softly, it’s not like he didn’t know it, but he was so small against him… he failed to remember that this kid was only nine. He had been through so much. 

Seungcheol hated to think that they were the reason that Seungkwan was crying. He deserved to be happy with them here, he deserved—

Ah, he’d cry.

His eyes stung with unshed tears, but he didn’t dare to turn around, because he was afraid that he’d scare Seungkwan away.

He had to proceed with caution every time Seungkwan got upset, because he could make it worse.

“I’m right here.” He whispered, caressing Seungkwan’s arms gently, hoping he’d comfort him. “Appa’s right here, okay? It’ll be okay.”

His son kept sobbing on his back, wetting his shirt. 

Seungcheol had tried to keep his voice steady, but he hadn’t sure he had made it. He was getting emotional too, and he couldn’t help it.

He felt hopeless right now.

“I love you.” In response, the hold got impossible tighter for only a moment, and then Seungkwan was gone, back into his room as he hadn’t left just to hug Seungcheol.

Seungcheol didn’t know if he felt relieved that maybe he had helped, or guilty that it hadn’t been enough… but he felt the tiniest bit of hope considering that Seungkwan had responded that he’d like to talk later.

He’d need to wait.

He didn’t turn, just took another deep breath and decided to head downstairs, trying to pick up the pieces after what had just happened.

Seungcheol just needed to work hard, and for his family, he definitely would.

***

“Ah.”

At Sojung’s remorseful tone and fading smile, Seungcheol’s attention snapped back into the conversation.

“You met _him_.” Sojung provided, with a little sigh. “Seungkwan.”

After they had finished the meeting with the social worker, Wonwoo kept playing outside, taking photos with Seungcheol’s phone, as Sojung and Jeonghan were catching up as the old friends they were.

Seungcheol would be lying if he were to say he was _actually_ listening to the conversation, truth was that even though things had gone well with the social worker, he couldn’t stop thinking about that boy they met in the entrance, how small he looked, how _helpless_ and hopeful and—and the small soft _you should adopt me_.

So he kept zoning out mid-conversation.

Jeonghan had met Wonwoo when he was five and Seungcheol could _finally_ understand what his husband had felt back then.

There was this burning urge to protect these kids, love them.

And from time to time, like it had been with Wonwoo, you got a connection to them.

Now they had just met this boy, Seungcheol wouldn't call the small exchange they had with him a _connection,_ but... but it did bring an idea back to his mind.

Adopting again.

“Seungkwan.” Jeonghan repeated, with a tired tone that probably meant _yes, one of those kids_ , and it made Seungcheol’s stomach churn anxiously, probably Sojung and Jeonghan had heard a lot of sad stories, more than enough for a lifetime, but still… some kids you didn’t forget.

Sojung looked conflicted for a second and Jeonghan knew why, to protect the children’s privacy they weren’t allowed to meet them just like that, it had been just a coincidence.

An accident, if you will, but Jeonghan _didn’t_ want to say it like that, since the kid’s expression kept firmly wedged into his mind ever since this morning.

And not in a good way.

He felt his chest heavy, and there was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t get rid of.

“It’s not really my place to tell,” She said, and Jeonghan knew.

“He’s not from around, is he?” Jeonghan asked softly, having noticed the boy’s accent, and Sojung took a deep breath, nodding.

"He came from an orphan residence in Jeju." 

That explained why the boy was right outside, not at his school, he was _new_ here.

Silence hung between them.

Sojung made a small humming noise, obviously she knew she could trust Jeonghan, but still… they were standing right in the middle of the hallway, they shouldn’t be talking about this.

Fearing that not only staff from the orphanage could be hearing, but his son as well, Seungcheol’s eyes traveled to Wonwoo, but he smiled as he noticed that the nine year old was busy taking pictures of the flowers and trees and _leaves_ of the yard.

 _Adorable_.

And it meant he wasn't listening, which was good.

Because as Sojung led the two of them to a small secluded bench, Seungcheol confirmed his suspicions, nobody could hear about this but them.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol followed Sojung to a small bench and sat down. It was more private in his way, and they were out of earshot in case someone decided to pay attention to them.

“Isn’t he going to foster?” Jeonghan asked, and Seungcheol didn’t miss the anxious tone in his voice.

He knew his husband couldn’t help it, he was always sensitive to other people’s pain and sadness.

Sojung narrowed her eyes.

“Did he say something to you?”

Seungcheol looked at them with a curious expression and decided to reply instead.

“Well… he did say that we should adopt him.” Seungcheol spoke, for the first time they had started to talk about Seungkwan.

Sojung let out a small tiresome _this kid_ , with a fond smile on his face.

“I didn’t think he actually would… he just decided to stay by the door and said the first couple he saw would be his parents… but he’s definitely going to foster, he’ll be okay. Don’t worry, Jeonghan-ah.” She added, with a soft smile, knowing that Jeonghan did and Seungcheol couldn’t thank her enough for trying to reassure his husband, he even breathed out in relief.

That was good, right? The boy was going to foster.

He would have a family in the meantime.

But Jeonghan didn’t relax as he did, his eyes only fixed on the distance, with a remorseful expression. Seungcheol reached out to squeeze his hand.

“Seungcheol-Appa! Look what I found,” Wonwoo called, waving his hand at them with a big smile and Seungcheol squeezed Jeonghan’s hand one more time, bowing at Sojung.

He was glad for Wonwoo’s interruption, maybe Sojung and Jeonghan wanted to talked privately too.

As Jeonghan watched Seungcheol leave, his eyes turned to his former coworker.

Sojung spoke first.

“He looks so happy, Jeonghan,” She said, gently nudging his arm, as she looked at Wonwoo playing with Seungcheol. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile like that.”

Jeonghan positively beamed at that.

Wonwoo _was_ , wasn’t he?

The boy looked healthier, smile brighter and he was _so_ talkative now. He giggled all the time, he liked _plants_ of all things, and video games, and _cats_ , he adored them.

He was silly sometimes too, and he loved ballads, and he loved horror movies even though he got scared of them (although Jeonghan was sure that it was just an excuse to sneak into their bed after watching them).

“You’ve got a huge smile too, I’m glad.” Sojung added and Jeonghan’s cheeks reddened, he hadn’t noticed he had gone silent.

“I… yes, I’m happy.” _The happiest I’ve ever been_.

“Seungcheol looks happy too.”

A warm feeling spreaded through Jeonghan’s chest, smiling at his husband and son.

“I don’t think he knew it when he said yes to adopt, but he was made to be someone’s role model.” Jeonghan said softly, Seungcheol had so much potential back then, and he was proving it right now. He was a great parent, and even though Jeonghan tried to reassure him all the time, Seungcheol still didn’t seem to believe him.

It was a shame.

But Sojung was right though, they were a happy family.

Jeonghan was thrilled, and _proud_ , he showed everyone pictures of their family and he couldn’t stop talking about them once he started.

His coworkers were used to him talking on and on about Wonwoo’s accomplishments and Cheol’s—

“Have you thought about it, Jeonghan?” Sojung asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Have you thought about adopting again?”

Oh.

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol and Wonwoo, how his husband kept chasing their son around the yard as they both giggled.

Wonwoo let out a yelp as he got caught and Seungcheol gave him a big hug, picking him up.

He was endeared, he didn’t think he had ever loved two people more.

It was easy to picture another boy or girl joining them, laughing, playing, getting nothing but affection from the two of them.

Well, the three of them.

He hadn’t talked about adopting again with Seungcheol in a long time, but he would be lying if he said otherwise…

“Yes, I have.”

***

Wonwoo didn’t know how to do this.

He liked to help, he could tie his baby brother’s shoelaces and remind them to look both sides before crossing the streets, AND he could also calm them down when something happened in school and they needed comfort until their parents arrived.

But there was still _one_ thing he hadn’t mastered over the years.

He just wasn’t very good at… talking.

Not even a pep talk or anything, just a _talk_ , about feelings.

The thing that hurt him the most was he kind of understood where Seungkwan was coming from. Once upon a time, he had been the first kid in his parent’s group of friends. The favorite nephew, and it was great.

He never loved being in the spotlight, but it felt good, after years and years going unnoticed by almost everyone, it was new and exciting and he felt protected.

Knowing at least six adults got your back.

After Seungkwan came Jun, then Chan right after and now Seokmin.

And even though that Jun was only being with Minghao and Mingyu in the meantime (Wonwoo still didn’t fully understand what had happened with Jun’s family), they were all part of a big family and Wonwoo was happy.

It was hard to adjust at first, but eventually he came to love all of them.

Now… he really wanted to help Seungkwan, but he didn’t know where to start.

Was his brother jealous? Sad? Angry?

He stood in front of his brother’s door and waited, trying to think what to say.

Wonwoo had missed what had happened after the cereal incident, but it was clear that it had been bad. Very bad.

And he had been noticing Seungkwan getting upset over Seokmin’s arrival… he just couldn’t hide the fact that he was uncomfortable whenever his cousin was around.

Maybe it _was_ about jealousy, and Seungkwan didn’t want to see Jeonghan and Seokmin being so close.

Wonwoo looked around the hallway one more time, no parents around, nor Channie. They were all in the main bedroom.

He knew that Jeonghan and Seungcheol had tried to speak to Seungkwan already, but his brother hadn’t opened the door.

Understandable, but potentially troublesome.

Wonwoo hoped he could make a difference.

He took a deep breath, _come on, you can do this_ , and he pulled out a small piece of paper and waited, thinking what to write.

He tried to think of what would his parents say if he were upset about something…

 _Do you want to talk about it?_ he wrote, putting the pen in his pocket right after and sliding the paper under the door.

His heart was thrumming in his chest, what if Seungkwan didn’t reply? What if he didn’t want to talk to any of them again? What if this was _it_ and they would never get along, ever again? What if—

Wonwoo faintly registered rumbling at the other side of the door and then the paper was sliding at his side, he couldn’t help the smile as he reached out for it, reading the reply.

_I don’t know, hyung._

Okay.

He could work with that.

At least it wasn’t a complete refusal, at least he had replied.

_Are you okay?_

He sent back, palms sweaty as he put the pen back into his pocket again. Maybe it was weird, that he had decided to communicate like this, but he was comfortable, he wasn’t good with words and he was afraid that he wouldn’t handle correctly if they were face to face.

Wonwoo always got upset when one of his baby brothers cried, he wouldn’t know what to do if he saw Seungkwan crying over something Jeonghan (of all people) had done.

The paper came back to his side and he took a second to reach out and read it.

_No._

Wonwoo was halfway to _do you need_ (anything was his next word) when suddenly the door opened and Seungkwan appeared.

Oh, no, Wonwoo wasn’t prepared to—

He was pulled inside roughly and then the door closed behind them.

Wonwoo was _shocked_ , he had been waiting for Seungkwan to speak to him through the paper and now he didn’t know what to do, or say.

“Hyung,” Seungkwan whispered, interrupting his thoughts and just then Wonwoo properly looked at him.

He had been crying… it was obvious that he had, his cheeks were red and his face looked puffy, traces of tears all over his face.

Seungkwan looked so _undone_ , that it made Wonwoo’s heart drop.

He still couldn’t bring himself to move though.

Both of them stood in silence until Seungkwan looked down, sniffled and then reached out for Wonwoo, hugging him tight.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Seungkwan repeated, voice breaking and Wonwoo hastily wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back.

“It’s okay,” Wonwoo shushed, because that always worked. “It’s okay, Seungkwan. I promise.”

He got a sniffle in response and his brother only furrowed closer, seeking comfort.

“But appa—” He started, but he wasn’t able to finish, because he choked on his tears.

Wonwoo understood that part.

He felt like crying whenever something involved Seungcheol and Jeonghan, he couldn’t bear making them upset, or sad, or viceversa…

They only had each other. He hated to fight.

“Shh,” Wonwoo rubbed a hand up and down his brother’s back, since the crying kept intensifying.

He wasn’t helping, was he?

“Appa said he wasn’t spending more time with Seokmin, but he is, he loves him more, he keeps seeing him all the time, he even forgot us because he was more worried about—”

Then he couldn’t stop talking because he started sobbing, hiding himself on Wonwoo’s chest.

“Seungkwannie,” He started, hoping he wouldn’t mess up. “Appa… appa loves you, okay? We’ve been seeing him less and less because of work, but… he stills loves you, okay? There’s no way he loves Seokmin more. Jeonghan-appa _adores_ you, he talks about you all the time. Seungcheol-appa said that we’re going through a tough time, and it’s hard for them too. Appa’s been working a lot and I don’t get the thing with Seokmin… I don’t know what’s going on either, he seems to like him a lot and he cares for him, but I think that maybe… maybe, Jeonghan-appa made a mistake.” He ended, whispering the last words to himself.

He hadn’t meant to say that, but when he said it out loud, it kind of made sense to him.

Wonwoo adored Jeonghan, with all his life, but maybe this time, he hadn’t been perfect?

“I think he didn’t mean to hurt you, but maybe he did?” Wonwoo added, in a whisper.

Seungkwan didn’t reply, but the crying subdued this time and Wonwoo gave himself some time to think what to do next.

Somehow Seungkwan was still looked unconvinced and it hurt Wonwoo’s heart to think that it was because of Jeonghan.

He didn’t want to make things _worse_.

He didn’t want to make Seungkwan hate on Jeonghan…

“Hey, Seungkwannie.” He said gently, mind latching onto an idea. “Remember the talk we had once? When you were just settling in.”

His younger brother didn’t look up.

And Wonwoo couldn’t help but get anxious, was he not doing this right? What should he say? He tried to remember how Seungcheol did it with him, the words he said, and the way he’d always pull him to a hug even though he had made a mistake or had been bad… 

He wished that for _once_ , he could be just like Seungcheol, say something comforting.

But then Seungkwan replied, in the tiniest of voices:

“Yeah… the thing about bugs.”

Well, he did say _ants_ , not _bugs_. _Bug_ it’s taxonomically incorrect, _insect_ would be more—

“Is _that_ what this is?” Seungkwan asked, effectively interrupting Wonwoo’s train of thought.

His mind went back to _that_ conversation back then… if anything, he thought that moment represented the epitome of their brotherhood, the turning point of their relationship.

Wonwoo was glad that Seungkwan remembered, and he knew that maybe history was repeating itself with this situation.

It wasn’t exactly the same, but problems were still there and all of them we’re trying to—

“Hyung?”

Okay.

Wonwoo needed to stop zooming out mid conversation.

His heart started beating faster, answering this would mean Seungkwan understanding or not.

He needed to be careful.

“Yes, Seungkwannie.” He said gently. “That’s exactly what this is about.”

For the first time since they had started talking, Seungkwan turned to look at him and smiled, gentle, kind, looking _so_ much like himself that Wonwoo’s heart warmed up.

Things would be okay, as long as he could be there for Seungkwan.

 _Kudos on me_ , Wonwoo thought, _I made it_.

“Okay, hyung.” Seungkwan agreed, leaning on his shoulder, and Wonwoo knew that maybe tomorrow Seungkwan would cry again, and maybe fight with Jeonghan, but at least he had stopped crying _now_ and Wonwoo was thankful. 

Wonwoo hummed, satisfied with himself and hugged Seungkwan back.

Crisis averted, for now.

***

“You’re hiding something from me.”

Jeonghan didn’t stop from where he was putting on his pyjamas, and Seungcheol bit on his lower lip, he had tried for his sentence not to sound too accusing, but maybe it had and Jeonghan had gotten offended.

Which wasn’t his intention at all, but when Jeonghan didn’t reply right away it always meant something, not that he was lying or anything but maybe there was something that Seungcheol hadn’t considered…

“I was checking on our finances from last year.”

Okay…

Seungcheol pulled on his pyjamas and laid down, following his husband’s movements as he undressed. Jeonghan looked fine, maybe a little sleep deprived, but other than that, he was okay.

He kept hiding whenever Seungcheol came into the room unexpectedly, and that raised his suspicious.

Although if Jeonghan was only checking their finances… it wasn’t bad at all.

And also there were no surprises there, Jeonghan was the most organized between the two when it came to their expenses.

So Seungcheol decided to wait.

He waited until Jeonghan had changed, and he had gotten under the covers, until the scent of his shampoo hit his nostrils from how _close_ they were.

The lights were still on, but Seungcheol closed his eyes, waiting for Jeonghan to speak.

He wouldn’t just throw a comment like that without meaning to discuss something.

“Remember when we…” There it was. “When we bought this house, and not the other one with the nice skylight and the huge bathtub?” He asked softly, rubbing Seungcheol’s back to lull him to sleep. He always did that, ever since they were young and Seungcheol thanked him for it, it was so much easier to fall asleep when Jeonghan was next to him.

He always woke up feeling well rested, and taken care of.

Seungcheol made a small noise in agreement, suspicion growing even more.

Did it have to do with the house? Were they going bankrupt?

“Why did we do that?”

Seungcheol still had his head buried on the Jeonghan’s chest, and he only lifted his head enough to reply.

It’s not like Jeonghan didn’t remember, he just wanted something from Seungcheol.

“Because the seller gave you a bad feeling.”

He could hear Jeonghan clicking his tongue, so he hid a smile against Jeonghan’s chest, his husband was the cutest.

One of the things he loved about Jeonghan was being able to tease him and get that kind of reaction.

“Shush,” Jeonghan scolded, pinching Seungcheol’s bare arm, he yelped in response, pouting as he pulled away for only one second to bury back into into Jeonghan’s welcoming arms. “I meant the _real_ reason.”

“‘Cause this one had more rooms.” Seungcheol chanted obediently, because clearly that was the reply Jeonghan was waiting for.

(Still, where would be the fun in giving Jeonghan everything he wanted _right away_?)

There was a beat of silence and Seungcheol could feel Jeonghan getting a little tense, stopping from where he was caressing Seungcheol’s back.

He heard him breathe too, one deep breath in, then slowly exhaling, Jeonghan’s technique to relax since Seungcheol could remember.

What had gotten Jeonghan so worried? Surely it couldn’t be about money, Jeonghan never freaked out about things like that…

“Turn off the lights.”

Seungcheol couldn’t help how his stomach twisted uncomfortably, Jeonghan’s words triggering a memory he didn’t want to recall right now.

Well, he did, it was the beginning of everything, but at the same time it was bittersweet, because...

They were fine now, things were different, they were—

“Cheol?”

Jeonghan’s fearful tone talked on itself.

And he might turned twenty five this year, but Jeonghan kept being his childhood friend, his highschool sweetheart, his husband now.

And Seungcheol knew what to do, what to respond to that.

“You don’t have to hide anything from me, Jeonghannie.” Seungcheol said softly, without explaining further, but he didn’t need to, Jeonghan knew exactly what he meant.

They both did.

His husband almost flinched, relaxing a moment after, breathing in and out in a calm tempo.

 _Turn off the lights_.

Jeonghan hadn’t said that in years.

Seungcheol caressed the back of his neck, playing with the back of Jeonghan’s hair.

He meant to be comforting, because Jeonghan hiding from him meant that he was up to something…

How could Jeonghan still think he’d deny him _anything_ in the whole world?

Maybe sometimes he _should_ deny him some things, but history had proven that Seungcheol was still as whipped as day one for this man.

(Jeonghan was too, he was just better at pretending he wasn’t.)

Jeonghan was calmer and Seungcheol pressed a kiss on his clothed collarbone and reached out, turning off the lights of the room.

Okay then.

They could talk things through now.

The response was immediate.

“I want to… I want us to adopt again.” Jeonghan whispered.

Wait, _what_?

Was it only that?

Oh, right, the finances and everything.

Made sense.

“Baby,” Seungcheol reached out to him, eyes adjusting to the dark. He placed a hand on his husband cheek and gently caressed his warm skin. “I’ve… been thinking about it too. Of course I’d like to adopt again.”

And he wasn’t lying, it only took him to see two little siblings, a boy and a girl in one of his photoshoots a year back to realize he wanted a bigger family.

And that had been months ago, even before he noticed Jeonghan had been hiding something from him.

Why would Jeonghan ever think that Seungcheol would say no?

But Jeonghan didn’t relax like Seungcheol hoped he would, he was still quiet, as if he were waiting for something.

“Is this about… the boy from Jeju?” He dared to ask and Jeonghan let out a small shaky breath.

There it was then.

“Jeonghannie, you know if we filed up, there’s no guarantee that we’d get him.” Hyesoo, the social worker of The Angel House, had made them… a favor quickening up the process for Wonwoo, but it wasn’t usually like that.

They couldn’t just point at a kid and they’d give him or her to them.

Seungcheol would be lying to himself if he said that he hadn’t been thinking about the same little kid.

There was something about him that made Seungcheol want to protect him, love him.

“I know,” Jeonghan knew the adoption process better than he did. Of course he knew they couldn’t just pick Seungkwan. “I just… I just can’t stop thinking about him, Cheol.”

Seungcheol sighed, retreating his arm to wrap it around Jeonghan’s waist instead, pulling him impossibly closer. He didn’t need to imagine Jeonghan’s expression, he was sad, upset that they couldn’t work this out.

“Me neither.” Seungcheol admitted quietly. It had been over three months since they had went to _The Angel House_ , it had been enough time to think it separately.

They both wanted to do this.

“Maybe,” Seungcheol ventured, just because he hated to see Jeonghan disappointed and he wanted to give him hope. “Maybe Hyesoo-ssi will do us a favor. She said we did well with Wonwoo, that she’s happy with the process.”

“You really think that, Cheol?”

 _Maybe_.

“Yes, baby.”

Silence fell between them again.

Seungcheol almost fell asleep, mind wandering back and forth between that little boy and Wonwoo, when they first had brought him into the house.

How hopeful he looked, how happy.

He wanted to give that to another kid.

“How do you think Wonwoo will take it?” Jeonghan’s voice pulled him out of his daze, and he blinked awake, trying to think that one through.

Seungcheol would rather wait for the paperwork to actually get going before replying that, but he had a hunch that maybe this would work…

And if it _did_ work, then there wasn’t any doubt about Wonwoo’s reaction.

“He’ll be thrilled.”

***

“We need to...”

His words died down as he opened the door, finding Jeonghan holding a sleeping Chan to his chest.

The sight would usually pull at his heart by how utterly _adorable_ they looked and how _lucky_ he was, but… not today.

Today he was _exhausted_ , after dinner, Chan had went straight to their room because he needed to sleep (and Jeonghan had taken care of him), apparently Wonwoo and Seungkwan had chatted, and Seungcheol had managed to wash the dishes and leave everything ready for the kids’ school tomorrow.

When his eyelids started to drop, he heard footsteps coming his way and a few seconds later, Wonwoo had appeared, eyes watery as he had just finished talking with Seungkwan.

So they talked.

And just then, Seungcheol found out what had really happened.

It was _very_ bad, worse than he thought.

(And as Wonwoo kept nodding off as he spoke, Seungcheol also noticed how _late_ it was).

Seungcheol sent Wonwoo to sleep with a hug and a pat in his head, congratulating him on handling this the right way and being there for his baby brother.

As he made his way upstairs though, Seungkwan’s cries kept ringing in his head and he kept worrying and taking the blame and… he just couldn’t bring himself to forgive himself for letting this happen. 

It was just a big whirlpool of emotions and he didn’t know what to do.

What to say.

As he locked gazes with Jeonghan, his heart beat faster, a lump forming in his throat.

“Talk, I know.” Jeonghan continued, with a tiresome expression and a sigh.

Seungcheol’s heart _ached_ for him.

It really did, but at the same time he felt like Jeonghan had brought this on himself.

And he _hated_ himself for thinking that it was Jeonghan’s fault, that he had been too involved in Seokmin and work and he had given the kids less attention-

 _Is it?_ Seungcheol wondered, _is_ _it Jeonghan’s fault?_

He knew his husband’s boss had given him a very exigent schedule and that he could understand… but about Seokmin and Seungkwan’s feelings, what was he supposed to think about that?

Did Jeonghan step over the line? Was he wrong for wanting to bond with this child? Or maybe… he wasn’t wrong about wanting to do it, but the _way_ he had done it ended up hurting Seungkwan’s feelings?

Seungcheol hadn’t felt this conflicted in years.

He tried to see Jeonghan and think about how hardworking it was, how sweet and thoughtful, but as he looked at him, he could only hold onto the idea that he had made Seungkwan cry.

More than once.

Jeonghan hadn’t meant to (and Seungkwan was a bit of a crybaby), but… this was different. It felt different and Seungcheol didn’t know what to do.

“Cheol, come to bed.” His husband interrupted his thoughts, quietly, sounding defeated. And although Jeonghan didn’t add the _please_ , it still hung between them.

Seungcheol had a hard time saying no to Jeonghan, ever since they had gotten together.

But… he needed time to himself. He needed to figure it out this too.

“Baby—” He started apologetically.

“Cheol, _please_.” Jeonghan said, as if he _knew_ what was coming.

“I… I don’t think I can be here right now.” Seungcheol whispered, surprised at himself for saying that out loud. And he was glad that he was looking down, because he was sure that if he had been seeing Jeonghan, he’d have burst into tears right away.

And instead of the fight that he hoped he’d get, instead of a reaction, all he got was a sad little sigh, coming from his husband.

“I understand,” Jeonghan mumbled. “I’ll sleep with Channie.”

 _No_ , Seungcheol wanted to say _, that’s ridiculous_.

He had never said that he couldn’t be here _with him_ , but Jeonghan had still understood that and Seungcheol wasn’t correcting him.

Why wasn’t he?

He kept his mouth closed, as Jeonghan tried to get a decent hold of Chan. His husband looked tired and it showed as he almost swayed as he got up.

Seungcheol was right by his side in a second, wrapping his arms around Jeonghan’s lean waist.

Supporting him… and not only literally.

“Baby,” He started again, eyes focusing on Jeonghan’s watery ones.

It broke his heart.

“There’s…” Jeonghan looked down, chewing on his lower lip. “I’m fine, I can sleep there. You need time to think and I understand—”

“Stop,” He asked gently, not letting go of his waist.

It was uncomfortable with a sleeping Chan between them, but Seungcheol was still able to lift his arm and reach for Jeonghan’s chin, so he’d look at him.

Jeonghan still looked beautiful even with a tear-streaked face and his upper lip with snot, it was _so_ unfair.

“There you are.” Seungcheol cooed and Jeonghan let out a tiny sob. “I’m… I don’t know what I’m feeling, I think I’m tired and hurt and confused. It’s been hard for me… for _us_ , lately.”

It was hard admitting this, since between all the things that had happened, Seungcheol hadn’t had the time to think about himself.

He had no idea what he felt and he was still struggling, but he didn’t want to push Jeonghan away, if anything, he wanted him close, he wanted his comfort and company.

They would deal with this as a marriage or Seungcheol wouldn’t deal with it at all.

And he knew his answer to that already.

“It’s Monday today.” He said, gently, he was so close to Jeonghan that they were almost breathing the same air. It was intoxicating, in a way. It made him want to kiss his husband, but he didn’t. “Tomorrow it's drama club, I’ll ask Gyu if he can watch the kids, okay? We’ll talk then.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan said breathlessly. And then, he gave him a small questioning look.

“Go to sleep.” Seungcheol ordered, pushing his husband’s fringe away from his eyes. “In here.”

The look of surprise in Jeonghan’s face pulled at Seungcheol’s heart _again_.

He was the weakest for this man, Seungcheol knew.

And as the three of them went to bed and Seungcheol let Chan wrap his arms around him, he stared at Jeonghan’s back for a long time.

Wondering if he was doing this right, if things would get better, if his family could forgive each other for all the mistakes they had made.

From all the hurt they had caused to each other.

He hugged his youngest close to him, rubbing his back gently.

Seungcheol couldn’t keep his eyes off Jeonghan, he was _right there_ , within arm reach, but so far away at the same time.

From all the things that he thought would happen, he never imagined _this_ scenario, where he’d rather be sleeping somewhere else.

He felt guilty and exhausted and—

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it wouldn’t go away and he closed his eyes, trying to even his breathing.

_What if things didn’t get better after all?_

Seungcheol took a long time to fall asleep that night.

***

“I think I know what are you two doing.” Wonwoo said, with a suspicious tone and a small smile, just as he entered to one of the empty rooms of the house.

Exactly five months had passed since they went to _The Angel House_ and Wonwoo had seen his parents up to something.

They kept talking behind his back and they were going through paperwork and stuff that Wonwoo still didn’t understand.

But Wonwoo wasn’t dumb.

 _Something_ was definitely happening.

And now, as Wonwoo looked around the baby blue empty room _and_ the anxious look of one of his parents (Jeonghan looked calm, but _Seungcheol_...), he just _knew_.

Before he could say it out loud though, he was interrupted.

“What? What are we doing?” Seungcheol asked, clearly uneasy at being caught.

Wonwoo gave him an unimpressed look and only shook his head, a fond smile on his lips.

“Come on, baby, sit with us.” Jeonghan said calmly, a contrast of his husband’s apprehensive demeanor.

Wonwoo happily did as Jeonghan beckoned him closer, so he’d sit right on the middle.

As soon as he had, his parents started showering him with affection, placing kisses on his face and tickling him, Wonwoo let out a whiny _appa!,_ hands trying to pull them away as he laughed.

“We love you,” Jeonghan said, as Wonwoo’s giggles kept tumbling out of his lips.

Seungcheol pulled him close, hugging him and placing one last kiss on the top of his son’s head.

“I love you too.” Wonwoo replied, a smile tugging at his lips as he was finally freed from the attention. Not like he didn’t _like_ the attention, he did, he loved his parents.

Seungcheol kept an arm wrapped around Wonwoo’s shoulders, as the three of them leaned back against the wall.

It was weird, sitting on the floor and watching around, but Wonwoo felt calm, glad that this weekend both of his parents were at home.

“So… Wonnie,” Jeonghan started, turning towards him. “You said that you knew what was going on, want to tell appa?”

Suddenly Wonwoo’s cheeks reddened, afraid that he had made a mistake and maybe it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“Um,” Wonwoo started, and he felt Seungcheol rubbing his back gently. “You told me… when I had just arrived that maybe you’d adopt again. In the future. And two years passed so…”

Seungcheol gave him an encouraging smile and Wonwoo’s heart fluttered in his chest, he had been thinking about his parents wanting to adopt, ever since he got home and there were two empty rooms, ever since his parents had been secretly sneaking out to discuss this.

“You’re so smart, Wonwoo-yah.” Jeonghan gushed, pinching his cheek gently.

“The smartest.” Seungcheol agreed.

It was true then.

A brother or a sister.

And although Wonwoo had been thinking about this, it still didn’t feel real. It was different _thinking_ about it and then his parents saying that they had actually _considered_ doing it.

This could be real.

Tomorrow, or the day after, or a week from now. Or—

“But… truth is,” Jeonghan’s eyes traveled to his husband’s, and when he nodded, he dared to continue. “Truth is, we wanted to know what you thought about it. We’re not making any decision without talking to you first.”

Wonwoo parted his lips, surprise taking over his features. They wanted his opinion? But _why_? And what if he said _no_?

Clearly Jeonghan and Seungcheol wanted this and they were really asking Wonwoo his opinion on the matter?

His eyes filled with tears, looking down for a second to hide them.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Seungcheol asked gently, rubbing on the kid’s back.

Wonwoo immediately shook his head, cleaning his tears with the back of his sleeve.

“Nothing… I’m just…”

Happy and excited and a bit scared and _worried_ , because what if he wasn’t a good big brother? But he was also impatient, because he really wanted a baby brother or sister _right now_ and—

“Overwhelmed?” Jeonghan provided gently, from his side.

In response, Wonwoo nodded, sniffing.

“You don’t have to reply anything today, we can talk about—”

“I do.” Wonwoo said, and both Jeonghan and Seungcheol closed their mouths immediately.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” He agreed, tears rolling his cheeks. “It’s just… I’m happy.”

Wonwoo really was. Every time he thought about having a family, he always imagined a _big_ family, brothers and sisters and uncles and grandparents… and a cat.

A cat would be _swell_.

But he could do without the cat if it meant having a baby brother or sister! That was definitely better.

“Wouldn’t you mind if it’s a boy or a girl?” Seungcheol asked with a fond look, and Wonwoo shook his head, toothy smile making its appearance.

“It’s fine, I will love them either way! I promise.” Wonwoo said, leaning into Seungcheol’s shoulder to get a cuddle in return.

Seungcheol complied, pressing a kiss on his son’s hair.

Wonwoo loved when Seungcheol and Jeonghan were happy, he’d do anything to keep them like that.

And _he_ was also happy.

No, not happy, he was _thrilled_.

“Our family is getting bigger, appa.” He commented, reaching out to grab Jeonghan’s sleeve, although he was leaning back into Seungcheol’s chest. “That’s _so_ cool.”

Jeonghan stared fondly at him, pressing a kiss on his son's temple.

“It is, baby.” He agreed, reaching out to fix Wonwoo’s fringe. “So cool.”

***

Morning had come and Seungcheol didn’t think he was able to sleep.

Not even a minute.

His eyelids refused to close even though he was absolutely exhausted.

Chan had slept, even Jeonghan had too (restlessly, but still).

And when Jeonghan’s alarm went off, Seungcheol felt panic rising in his chest, so he buried his head in the pillow and pretended to be asleep.

Maybe his problems would vanish if he acted like the day hadn’t started yet.

Would that be too ambitious of him?

As he faintly registered the sounds of water running and then of his husband going through the cabinets (he always took a lot to decide what to wear, but right now, Jeonghan had picked almost immediately), Seungcheol actually dozed off, Chan burying himself into him. 

This would be an ordinary morning if it weren’t for the fact that Seungkwan had locked himself into his room and all of them were walking on eggshells, not wanting to upset Jeonghan or Seungkwan even more.

His mind was still going through possible plans for the talk he needed to have with Jeonghan, when he felt footsteps approaching his way and he evened out his breathing.

Shit, he had almost forgotten Jeonghan, what if he noticed he was awake, what if he wanted to talk right _now_ , what if—

Seungcheol held his breath as his husband pressed the gentlest of kisses on his hair and then seemed to hesitate, staying there for a second before exiting the room.

He only needed to wait a little more…

The front door closed and Seungcheol let out a sigh in relief, guilt washing over him as he realized what he had just done.

Why did he avoid talking to Jeonghan? _He_ hadn’t done anything wrong. And he had just said yesterday that they needed to talk, then why had he panicked like that?

It just didn’t make any sense.

Seungcheol thought everything would be alright as long as he could talk to Jeonghan, but… in the meantime just being there with so much going unsaid, it wasn’t as easy as he thought.

Not even five minutes had passed since Jeonghan had left and the house seemed to wake up from the slumber.

First, Wonwoo’s bathroom door opening and closing, and then Seungkwan padding through his room.

(Channie hadn’t even stirred awake yet).

Seungcheol had to take them to school.

Usually it was Jeonghan, but considering last night… _thing_ , it had went unsaid between them that Seungcheol would take care of it today.

It was for the best, maybe.

All of them could cool off and there wouldn’t a morning conflict.

There was something that needed to be done though, and Seungcheol would approach to it as carefully as he could. He slowly shifted on the bed so Chan was sleeping on his side instead of Seungcheol’s chest and covered him with the duvet, deciding not to wake him up just yet.

As silently as he could, he exited the room and walked towards his middle son’s room, leaning on the closed door.

There was silence now, but Seungcheol knew he was awake, and he thought he might even be listening too.

“Morning, Seungwannie.” He said, gently. “I really… I really wanted to know how are you.”

There was no point in sugarcoating anything.

He wanted to see him, if Jeonghan had looked _that_ devastated yesterday, he could only imagine the nine year old.

He had always been emotional too, and Seungcheol was afraid that he would resent Jeonghan forever.

“Can I come in?”

No response.

For a second, Seungcheol wondered if he had heard correctly, maybe he had mistaken Seungkwan’s footsteps with Wonwoo’s and the boy was still asleep?

He didn’t have time to dwell on it for too long (only until he noticed his feet were getting cold, he had forgotten to put on some socks after he left the bed), because the door opened and Seungkwan stood there, with a conflicted expression on his face.

He still managed to look soft, bed hair and rosy cheeks.

Seungcheol resisted the urge to pull him into a proper hug, because even though the boy seemed helpless, he thought that he had to respect his boundaries.

“ _Appa_ ,” His voice broke and Seungcheol’s heart did too. “Are you—are you mad at me?”

“Oh, no baby… I’m not mad.” He assured him immediately, opening his arms in invitation. Seungkwan didn’t hesitate and threw himself at him. The force of the hug hit him hard and Seungcheol tried not to lose it, seeing his baby in pain hurt him and he’d often lose focus, rushing to soothe instead of actually listening. “I’m not mad, why would I be mad?”

“Because… Because I didn’t want to speak yesterday and I—" Seungkwan’s words got muffled against his shirt and Seungcheol tried to focus on his own steady breathing

He wanted to reassure him, keep him calm.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m not mad,” He said, rubbing his back gently. “I came to ask you how are _you_ feeling, okay?”

Seungkwan sniffled, clutching onto him tight, not wanting to let go.

The thing about Seungkwan was, that he never did things by halves. He’d care about something or not at all, and once you had earned his trust and love, there was no way he wouldn’t reciprocate.

He cared for everything with a passion Seungcheol admired.

Now Seungcheol felt that that was playing against his favor now and it made him feel even guiltier.

“I’m really angry,” He admitted, hiccuping, as tears started to fall down his cheeks. “I feel like appa hates me. He doesn’t like being with me… he likes Seokmin more.”

Seungcheol had heard what Wonwoo had told him, but now listening from Seungkwan’s mouth… it was painful.

A lump formed on his throat, but he tried to ignore it.

This wasn’t about him.

He wanted to say that it wasn’t like that… that Jeonghan loved him. Of course he did.

“Baby…” Seungcheol started, hoping he wasn’t fucking up right now. “It’s okay to be mad, or angry, if appa hurt you it’s okay to feel like that. I… _we_ won’t get angry at you for being upset.”

Seungkwan looked so undone when he met Seungcheol’s eye that he almost felt like crying himself, _again._

“I really want you to know that you and your brothers are the most important thing in our lives, Seungkwannie.” He assured him, tilting his chin up when he lowered his gaze. “We love you so much and… we try to understand but sometimes we don’t know what to do, sometimes we don’t know what you guys are feeling.”

There was a beat of silence and Seungcheol noticed how he didn’t hear any of the other kids, did they know what they were talking about and they wanted to give him privacy?

And he wondered if maybe he hadn’t said the right thing, because Seungkwan wasn’t replying.

But he had tried to be understanding and show him that he was there for him, or maybe it wasn’t _that_ obvious and he needed to say it again?

Maybe Seungkwan was still too mad and he didn’t want to speak.

“Appa really loves Seokmin-hyung, doesn’t he?” Seungkwan whispered and Seungcheol noticed he wasn’t crying anymore, but he hadn’t pulled back from the hug.

Seokmin.

This appeared to be about Seokmin, but Seungcheol still thought it had to do more with Jeonghan.

Maybe Seungkwan didn’t know that yet.

Or maybe Seungcheol was wrong and it _was_ about Seokmin.

He pressed his lips, not really knowing what to reply to that.

 _Yes_ , would be the truth, but he’d also be hurting Seungkwan and _no_ , didn’t make sense at all. Jeonghan did love Seokmin.

Even if Jeonghan said sorry to Seungkwan about how he had acted, he _still_ wouldn’t stop loving Seokmin.

So Seungcheol went for the truth.

“He does.” He said, firmly, but he rushed to add. “But that doesn’t mean—"

“Appa loves him more than he loves me, I know he does,” Seungkwan whispered, sounding defeated, and this time he pulled back from the hug, stepping away from Seungcheol.

“Seungkwan, I—"

“I think I’m still mad.” He whispered, almost as an afterthought, sounding as if he were disappointed at himself for that.

This was so much deeper than he could have ever thought, and Seungcheol knew that the fact that Seungkwan was mad wasn’t about to change today.

No matter what Seungcheol did.

This was something that Jeonghan and Seungkwan needed to talk about and _then_ Seungcheol would help, in the meantime he’d just be there for both of them.

So his mind latched onto an idea instead.

He didn’t know if it’d be the _best_ idea, but at least it was something.

“I know, baby, and it’s okay. I just… I need you to do something for me, okay?” He asked, voice wavering for the first time today. “If you can’t talk to us… then talk to any of your uncles, _please_ don’t go through this all by yourself. We’re here for you.”

Seungcheol pulled him to a last hug, he knew that they’d be late to school otherwise, and kissed the top of his head.

And when Seungkwan pulled back this time, he looked a bit more helpful.

“I’ll go shower now… you know where my phone is if you want to call your uncles.” He offered, giving him a warm smile and then leaving the room, without waiting for confirmation.

As Seungcheol left the room, Seungkwan found himself all alone.

He hesitated to follow right away, but as he stood there, he felt even worse… he hadn’t said goodbye to Jeonghan today and he had no idea what he’d do once they had to talk.

He dreaded to think about it.

As quietly as he could, he went to his parents’ room and found his appa’s phone charging on the nightstand.

Okay, this was it.

Seungkwan swallowed, going through the contacts. Usually he would call Jihoon or Soonyoung, but… they were Seokmin’s parents, and that would be awkward.

He always talked with Uncle Mingyu too, but for some reason he couldn’t just dial his number.

Only one option left.

His finger hovered over the screen, dialing Uncle’s Minghao contact instead.

This would definitely do.

***

“Hello.”

The words came as a surprise to Seungkwan, and he almost dropped his pen from where he was drawing… something. Wonwoo immediately raised his hands in defense, he hadn’t mean to scare him.

Seven months had passed since they had met outside _The Angel House,_ and for the first time Wonwoo had managed to sneak in and find Seungkwan there.

(Not like he had tried three times already and Hyungwon almost found him twice, by the way.)

At first Seungcheol and Jeonghan hadn’t told him if he’d get a little brother or sister, the only thing he knew was that it’d be younger than him, and now just three weeks ago, they had finally told him that it’d be the boy they met back then.

He was called Seungkwan.

Truth was, Wonwoo had a hard time remembering him, he had been feeling so nauseous back then that he was more worried about not throwing up… and then the plants, he had taken a lot of photos.

And he found it was a bit unfair that he didn’t remember his baby brother, so he decided that next time his parents went to _The Angel House_ to take care of the paperwork, he’d have a chance.

Wonwoo thought that he should see him again.

Although paperwork was still being made, they’d just have scheduled meeting with Seungkwan and Hyesoo-ssi in ten days from now, but Wonwoo didn’t want to wait…

So he took the chance _and_ he finally found Seungkwan.

(He was on the second floor, where there was a small cabinet that allowed you to hide in there if you wanted to go unnoticed, Wonwoo did back then, apparently Seungkwan wanted too now.)

Apart from dropping his pen, the boy didn’t look startled. He only waited, five full seconds until he pouted, making the cutest expression.

The thing was…

They weren’t supposed to meet like this.

Wonwoo shouldn’t be here.

Seungkwan wasn’t supposed to know he was being adopted.

“I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Wonwoo.” He said, as Seungkwan slowly put his scattered pencils on his case, hugging a stuffed bear he had to his chest. He wouldn’t be back to drawing and Wonwoo was glad for the undivided attention, but it got him really nervous as well.

He wasn’t a very good talker.

“You shouldn’t be here, Hyungwon-hyung will be mad.” Seungkwan whispered, although he did beckoned closer to the corner of the cabinet and just then Wonwoo recognized that he was giving him space so he’d hide as well.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan would be out and looking for him any second now, he really shouldn’t.

But Seungkwan was looking at him with this curious glint in his eye and Wonwoo didn’t resist, sitting next to him in the cramped space.

“How did you find me, hyung?” Seungkwan asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Um,” _this is where I hid too_. “I lived here too. Two years ago, then I got adopted.

He wasn’t exactly replying to the question, but apparently it was enough for Seungkwan, who nodded seriously.

“No one wants to adopt me.” Seungkwan said, all of the sudden and Wonwoo parted his lips, heart dropping at the sad declaration.

 _My parents do,_ he wanted to say, but he couldn’t, he shouldn’t. He’d get in trouble if he did. He wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place!

Wonwoo wished that he could say something comforting, his parents said comforting things all the time, he just couldn’t remember any of them right now.

He’d need to remind them later though, because he was about to become this kid’s hyung and he needed to up his game.

The silence stretched between them and Wonwoo felt uncomfortable, wishing to be somewhere else where he didn’t need to _lie_ to his baby brother. He took a deep steadying breath, which always managed to calm him down, and scanned Seungkwan, eyes landing on the stuffed animal he held.

“I really like your bear.”

The stuffed animal on Seungkwan’s arms looked well worn, it was just a regular light brown, with a baby blue sleepwear and Wonwoo faintly wondered where he had gotten it from, it looked… special, somehow.

It reminded Wonwoo of the fox plushie he used to sleep with.

Seungkwan raised the bear to eyelevel, smiling at it shyly.

“Thank you.”

That was good, Wonwoo thought, at least Seungkwan didn’t look so sad anymore.

“What were you doing here?” He asked, waving a hand around the cabinet.

He expected the answer to be _drawing_ , or maybe _hiding_ , but he certainly didn’t expect what he got.

“Waiting.” Seungkwan whispered and Wonwoo turned to look at him, blinking up his confusion. If he remembered correctly this was one of the places where you could be closer to the second floor window and look if someone from outside came, but… that didn’t make much sense.

“What are you waiting for?” He couldn’t resist asking and Seungkwan looked at him, dead in the eye.

“My mom.”

Wonwoo parted his lips, not knowing what to reply to that, his _mom?_ What was that supposed to mean? He thought that Seungkwan _didn’t_ have a mom and that’s why Seungcheol and Jeonghan were adopting him.

He only stared at him, at a loss for word. What should he do now? What should he say?

“Wonwoo-yah! Where are you?”

Seungcheol.

He had to leave _now._

“Um,” He said awkwardly, already getting out of the cabinet (bumping his head on the way and everything). “Sorry, I have to… appa’s looking for me.”

“Oh…” Seungkwan looked down for a second and Wonwoo had the sudden urge to hug him, that’d be weird though, Seungkwan barely even know him. “You coming back?” He asked, sounding only a little hopeful, and Wonwoo shifted on his spot, hands clammy all of the sudden. He didn’t really know what to reply to that.

He shouldn’t, he wasn’t supposed to come back like this…

 _My parents are filling your adoption papers_.

“We’ll be seeing each other again.” Wonwoo said firmly, not wanting to explain any further, and he left the room, heart beating fast as he headed where his parents were.

He saw the confusion on Seungkwan’s eyes, but he really couldn’t say anything else.

He’d find out in ten days from now.

***

“Uh…”

There was a little static at the other end of the line, but the silence remained.

It made Seungcheol feel even more anxious.

Jihoon was his go-to person for advices, he had always been, and knowing that somehow he had gone speechless over this, proved that it was difficult to handle after all.

He had told him everything that had happened yesterday and Jihoon had gone quiet for almost a full minute.

(Seungcheol counted).

“Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to say either.” Seungcheol said, sighing tiredly.

After dropping the kids off to school, he had decided to walk towards his work instead of taking the bus, mostly because he needed time to think things through and also because he was still early.

(AND maybe because he didn’t want to be at work right now, he wanted to lock himself in his room and hide under the bed until things settled on their own). 

But he couldn’t, he was a functional adult with a job, a husband _and_ three kids.

“I should have seen this coming,” Seungcheol said, tone filled with remorse. “I could have done something, I could have—”

“Stop, Cheol.” Jihoon said firmly and Seungcheol shut his mouth. “Blaming yourself won’t help.”

He knew it wouldn’t, but he just couldn’t help himself, maybe if he had picked on the little things, Seungkwan’s tells and Jeonghan’s tiredness.

Seungcheol should have told Jeonghan he was getting too involved with Seokmin and his adoption process, but at the same time, Jeonghan looked _so_ happy to be able to help.

When all of this had broke down, the last conversation he had had with Jihoon still played in his mind right away.

 _I guess there’s nothing_ we _can do._

 _But there_ was, _wasn’t it?_ Seungcheol thought bitterly.

“Did you talk to Jeonghan-hyung?” Jihoon asked, noticing his pensive mood and wanting to help, Seungcheol faintly registered.

_I don’t think I can be here right now._

“Well... kind of.” Seungcheol said, because that almost counted as a conversation, but the _real_ conversation would be happening tonight, right? And Seungcheol had no idea if he was prepared. ”The kids will go to Mingyu’s today. We’ll talk then.”

“Right,” Jihoon hummed, and Seungcheol heard the sound of his friend typing on his keyboard. It was so early for him to be working, but ever since they had adopted Seokmin Jihoon started to work from home more and more. “What are you going to say?”

Seungcheol took a deep breath, suddenly stopping on his tracks as he noticed a red light almost three seconds too late.

_Damn._

He really needed to get some sleep.

He bowed to the driver he had just scared to death and stood firmly on his feet, ignoring the curious glances he got.

 _Yes_ , he was distracted, was that a crime?

“I—I have no idea.” He admitted, running a hand through his hair as he crossed the street, at the _right_ time now.

He wasn’t thinking straight.

He’d be arriving to his work soon and he didn’t have a clue of what to do.

Or say.

“It’ll be okay, Cheol,” Jihoon assured him, and Seungcheol tried to believe him, he _had_ to believe him, if he lost faith in this relationship, in this _family_ , he had no reason to do anything at all. “You’ll know what to say, you two have survived worse.”

Seungcheol stopped himself from saying something to deny that.

His mind went back to those first college years, where everything had been a mess. For both of them. Back then, he’d never thought he’d be here today, that he’d marry Jeonghan and have kids with him.

So Jihoon was right.

Right now he was worried, scared and confused.

But he hadn’t stopped loving Jeonghan, not even for a second.

And that had to keep him going, otherwise he’d just lose it.

“Cheol?” Jihoon’s worried tone made him wonder how long he had been silent, and he quickly pulled himself together.

“Ah, sorry, Jihoonie.” He replied, mind snapping back to the conversation. His friend always knew what to say to make him feel better, even though he probably didn’t know it. “You’re right, we have survived worse.”

And it shouldn’t lift his spirits, but at the same time it _did._ No matter the outcome, today they’d talk and he would know what to do.

He’d always find a way to figure things out, or Jeonghan would do it for him.

They were a team, they’ve always been one.

That didn’t change today.

“How is Seungkwan doing?” Jihoon asked and Seungcheol smiled, only a little, because it warmed his heart knowing that his friends worried about his kids just as they did. “Did you two talk?”

“Yeah, last night he wouldn’t even talk to me, but at least today he seemed… better, calmer.”

“He’ll be alright, he’s a good kid.” Jihoon said softly and Seungcheol felt a little more at ease.

Seungkwan _was_ , wasn’t he?

He had thrived in the most unfavorable circumstances and he was still here.

Their son would be okay, but Jeonghan and Seungcheol would help him get better.

They were his parents for a reason.

At the same time, Seungcheol knew Jihoon wanted to cheer him up, but he wouldn't lie. He never did and that’s why Seungcheol always came to him for advice.

“He will be,” Seungcheol nodded, even though his friend couldn’t see him. He had no doubts about Seungkwan, but… Seungkwan being _okay_ wasn’t all of it. There was a bit more than they needed to worry about. More that they needed to fix. “But we need to change a few things, Jihoonie. This… this isn’t working for us, and for the kids.”

Seungcheol looked at his watch, he had made it to work just in time, he should probably hang up now, but it brought him comfort to be able to speak to Jihoon.

He wished he could see him too.

“You know that… if there’s anything you need, we’re here for you.” Jihoon whispered and in any other time, Seungcheol would have teased him, gushing at him for getting sentimental, but not today.

Today he’d appreciate the reminder.

“Thank you, Jihoonie.”

***

The ride home after finally being able to take your _son_ home was what Seungcheol treasured the most.

He still remembered Wonwoo’s, he had been a nervous wreck and Wonwoo wasn’t exactly helping, he was dead quiet the whole car ride and Seungcheol _only_ managed to calm down as Jeonghan held his hand the whole way there

Of course Seungcheol knew it wasn’t his baby’s fault.

He had been anxious and worried and scared.

(But also excited and hopeful and happy.)

Every kid was.

If he thought about the current situation, Seungkwan’s first car ride was turning out to be… memorable, but not in a nice way?

They managed to drive a whole hour talking, Seungkwan looking shy, but responding to Jeonghan’s questions about his favorite things and to Wonwoo’s excited blabber about the games they could play.

Then Seungkwan had gone quiet.

Seungcheol managed to look at him through the rearview mirror with a concerned look.

Then Seungkwan had hugged his stomach and _thrown up._

 _Then_ a lot of things had happened and Seungcheol couldn’t exactly keep track of every one of them.

Wonwoo had covered his mouth, shock and worry (and disgust probably) flashing his eyes.

Jeonghan had immediately turned on his seat, searching for the wet wipes they carried on the car.

And he might have said _seungcheol, pull over,_ but he wasn’t sure if he had already done it when his husband said it, or he just reacted quickly at his stern yet calm tone.

Seungcheol couldn’t deal with vomit as well as Jeonghan could, so he tried to keep his eyes on the road not to throw up himself.

After cleaning up (Seungkwan, not the car), they headed to the nearest convenience store, deciding that they still had forty minutes or so to get home and they didn’t want to risk Seungkwan throwing up again because they rushed to get there soon. 

The first thing Jeonghan did was to get Seungkwan some water so he’d rinse his mouth, and Seungcheol and Wonwoo went inside the store to get him something light to eat.

Luckily Seungkwan had been able to change to one of Wonwoo’s shirts too, since they always kept a change clothes for him in the car. They had learned that it’d be a good idea thanks to Wonwoo’s weak stomach and his proneness to sickness in general.

Seungcheol didn’t think he was driving particularly fast, but he felt a little guilty that Seungwan’s first memory with them as an official family was turning out like this.

He didn’t look as _green_ as before, but still…

When Seungcheol and Wonwoo paid and met them outside, Jeonghan had settled Seungkwan on his lap, as he gently rubbed his back and told him everything was going to be okay.

But why did he say that? It didn’t look like he was upset or—

When Seungkwan’s eyes met Seungcheol’s, there was a beat of silence, and then Seungkwan broke down crying.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m really sorry,” Seungkwan said, choking on his own words. His little shoulders were shaking as he tried to hold in the sobs and it broke Seungcheol’s heart to see him like that.

He immediately sat in front of him, reaching out a hand to rub his arm. 

“Oh, baby, it’s okay. No need to be sorry.” Jeonghan assured, beating Seungcheol to it. His husband looked calm, unlike Seungcheol, who kept internally freaking out at the thought that Seungkwan and thrown up in their first ride home.

He felt awful.

Seungkwan clung to Jeonghan for dear life, hiding in his chest as he wept.

And suddenly Seungcheol was glad that no one was around, because otherwise Seungwan would only get even more embarrassed.

For the first time since they had gotten out of the car, Seungcheol’s eyes properly focused on their eldest, Wonwoo looked uncomfortable, clearly not knowing what to say or do.

His poor baby, he was sure he wanted to help, although honestly Seungcheol didn’t know how to make it better either.

“It’s okay, Seungkwannie.” Seungcheol said, placing a hand on the Wonwoo’s back, rubbing it gently even though his eyes stayed glued to Jeonghan and Seungkwan’s interaction. “We promise, we’re not mad. Come on, it’s okay.”

“Does your tummy hurt, baby?” Jeonghan asked gently, tried to look at Seungkwan’s face and see if he was in any pain.

It wasn’t any fun being sick and throwing up was even worse, if you asked Seungcheol, and he really felt sorry for the poor boy.

“Seungkwannie.” Seungcheol squeezed on the boy’s arm softly, offering a bottle to him. “Have some juice, okay? It’ll make you feel better.

Seungkwan only shook his head in response, refusing to look up from Jeonghan’s chest

“Poor thing.” Seungcheol didn’t miss the worry in his husband’s tone. “Talk to us, okay? We’ll help you feel better.”

But it wasn’t working, and Seungcheol wondered what they were doing wrong, was the boy just too shy? Or maybe today had been a lot to him.

He did seem happy on the meeting where Hyesoo-ssi announced that they’d adopt him… but now he looked uncomfortable and Seungcheol hoped it had to do with the vomit and not with anything else.

“Seungkwannie, look at me.” Wonwoo blurted out, startling both adults. He was trying a smile too, wanting to look reassuring, Seungcheol was sure. “It’s okay, I get sick too! All the time. That’s why appa keeps clothes for me in the car. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”

Seungkwan slowly shifted on Jeonghan’s lap, taking a few seconds to consider, and then he pulled away from his chest, his eyes meeting Wonwoo’s.

“Really?” Seungkwan asked, he had a tear-streaked face and snot all over his upper lip, but Wonwoo still smiled back.

Seungcheol didn’t know _what_ had Wonwoo done that made an entire difference, but he couldn’t be more thankful towards their eldest.

For a second he was afraid that Seungkwan wouldn’t talk for the rest of the day and he wouldn’t know what to do then…

“Yes, really.” Wonwoo replied, a glint appearing in his eyes as he noticed he had caught the boy’s attention. “Once we went to Gyeongju and we took the train, and it was really funny because—"

The conversation between the two kids didn’t stop after that and Seungcheol was endeared.

His eyes traveled to Jeonghan’s and he wasn’t surprised to find the same fond expression on his husband’s face.

Seeing the two brothers interact was adorable.

And Seungcheol was so proud of Wonwoo, he had taken the role of _hyung_ very seriously from the moment they talked about adopting.

And he was showing that now.

Jeonghan reached out for Seungcheol and squeezed his hand gently.

Their family was getting bigger, and it was scary, but they couldn’t be happier.

***

“You guys okay? You’re awfully quiet.”

As if to prove Mingyu’s point, everyone stayed stubbornly in silence.

He almost winced.

Seungcheol hadn’t explained much when he called during the morning, he had only asked for him to pick up the kids from school and _please_ let them spend the night at their house.

Which wasn’t weird at all, kids went from each of their houses all the time, they adored each other.

Which _was_ weird was how awkward they seemed, it was tense from the moment they stepped into the car.

Mingyu wondered how important was what Seungcheol hadn’t told him. He did say _I’ll explain later,_ but suddenly Mingyu wished he’d have pressed a little more on the subject.

Junhui, who was sitting just next to him, gave him a questioning look and a shrug of his shoulders.

He had noticed it too.

“Do you guys want to watch a movie when we get home?” Junhui asked cheerfully, trying to lift everyone’s spirits.

Wonwoo’s eyes were glued to the window, Chan was nodding off and Seungkwan seemed… serious and sad. Could he look both serious and sad at the same time, Mingyu wondered. 

“It’s okay, Junnie. We’ve got homework to do.” Wonwoo answered, with a small smile and Mingyu’s heart squeezed at the sight.

He was only thirteen but Mingyu was already afraid that this kid could hide his emotions so well.

Wonwoo looked distressed and upset, just as his brothers seemed to be, but he was making sure that no one could ask him about it.

It was frightening, in a way. Wonwoo had always taken the big brother role very seriously.

At his side, Junhui seemed to part his lips, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn’t.

Maybe it was for the best, Mingyu thought, maybe the Yoon kids needed their space.

Nobody else spoke during the rest of the car ride, and by the time Mingyu had pulled over, Chan had fallen asleep on his car seat, Seungkwan still seemed to be sulking and Wonwoo was slowly and methodically picking up all his baby brother’s things (Seungkwan’s headphones, Chan’s stuffed otter).

Junhui was the first one out of the car.

Mingyu tried not to worry, he knew Seungkwan, and he had always been a crybaby, over _everything_ but now... he just looked devastated with this hollow expression and Mingyu wished he could make it at least a bit better.

If he wanted to make it better though, he needed to know what was going on.

Mingyu and Junhui exchanged looks as everyone came inside the house.

“Hyung, Wonwoo’s sleeping in my room.” The thirteen year old said, and it caught Mingyu’s attention, since it wasn’t posed as a question.

Which was rare... but maybe at the same time it meant that Junnie had his own plan.

And if Mingyu could help Seungkwan and Junhui could help Wonwoo… it’d be okay.

“Don’t I have a say in that?” Wonwoo asked mildly, picking up his bag with his things. He looked tired, and wary too, and Mingyu kept wondering what _the hell_ had happened for him to look that bad.

“No.” Junhui said easily, with a sly smile and took his cousin’s wrist, pulling him upstairs.

Wonwoo grunted, taking a deep breath at Junhui’s antics and briefly wondered if he should insist more and stay in the same room as his baby brothers.

After all, when they stayed they had a whole room to themselves.

“Hyung will talk with Seungkwannie. There’s nothing to worry about.” Junhui said and this time Wonwoo got surprised, were they _that_ obvious? Or Junhui could read his thoughts?

Or maybe Seungcheol had told _something_ to Mingyu and therefore Junhui knew.

Wonwoo resisted the urge to pull away from Junhui’s hold, to go back and check on his brothers. He was very protective over them and although he knew he could trust Mingyu, he dreaded the thought of seeing Seungkwan cry _again._

“I didn’t say anything.” Wonwoo said, through his teeth.

Junhui just smiled back, deciding not to reply.

 _Damn_ , _they were really_ that _obvious._

So Wonwoo decided to do something that he rarely did.

He played dumb.

He heard Junhui close the door of the bedroom, blocking the sound of chattering downstairs (Seungkwan really seemed to be talking to Mingyu, and it eased Wonwoo’s heart).

It took him about ten minutes, but Wonwoo mechanically (and silently) tidied up Junhui’s mess of a desk until the table and chair were spotless enough to work on.

Wonwoo didn’t share his cousin’s love for all the clutter in his own room, so every time he came, he made sure that the place was at least a bit cleaner.

That didn’t change today.

Wonwoo proceeded to pull out his notebook, open it on the page he wanted to work on and he started writing, all while Junhui sat on his bed and watched.

A heavy silence fell upon the room.

“You’re sad.” Of course Junhui would be the first one to break the tense atmosphere.

“I never said—"

“It shows.”

Wonwoo’s heart skipped a beat, although his hand didn’t falter, he kept working on his homework, eyes glued to the problem he had been working on.

“I think you need a good hug.”

Wonwoo disagreed. He heard steps then… movement, then the rush of clothing and Junhui was pulling him close, wrapping an arm around his middle as he sat next to him.

It was awkward, Junhui’s elbow was poking him right below his ribs and Wonwoo felt _weird_ , having his head stuffed into his cousin’s shoulder.

And… although Wonwoo felt like pushing him away, he didn’t.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t breathe.” Wonwoo replied evenly, playing _dumb_ again.

“What’s going on?”

Okay, different strategy.

“... nothing.”

Silence.

“It’ll be okay.” Junhui assured, not missing a beat. And he tightened the grip he had on him, Wonwoo almost let out a sob.

He was still squeezing the pen he was holding. Tight.

“I never said that I—"

“You don’t need to.” Junhui interrupted. “If it has to do with your parents, then—"

 _Okay,_ Wonwoo thought, _this is getting out of hand._

“Uncle Minghao isn’t your real dad.” He blurted out, out of nowhere.

“What?”

“I know he isn’t. I overheard once. You’re staying here not because you want to, you _have_ to. There’s no family waiting for you in China.”

Silence fell between them again and Wonwoo almost twitched in his seat.

 _What the hell,_ he wasn’t like that at all. That had been cruel and unthoughtful and he _wasn’t_ like that.

He was about to tell him he was sorry, because it broke his heart that even though he had said _that_ , Junhui hadn’t been flinched, and he kept hugging him tight.

“Ouch.” Junhui said.

 _Ouch_ , really? Had he said the cruelest thing to his same age cousin and all he had said was _ouch_?

Wonwoo’s eyes glazed over, breath hitching in his throat. He was glad that he wasn’t staring right into Junhui’s face, because he would have felt even worse.

He didn’t deserve Junhui, he was only trying to help and Wonwoo was pushing him away.

He felt disappointed in himself for snapping, but at the same time he was grateful that Junhui had decided to stay even though he had probably fucked up.

(He couldn’t say that word, but he could _think_ about it right?) 

“You’re hurting,” Junhui said, didn’t _ask_ , and Wonwoo felt his heart beating faster, his hand clammy as he held the pencil, the homework already forgotten.

He couldn’t even remember on what part of the equation he was working on.

Wonwoo wanted to say that he wasn’t. That Junhui was exaggerating, that _yes_ , his brothers were hurting, but not him, he was the _eldest,_ he was fine.

It didn’t matter if Jeonghan weren’t paying so much attention to him, he could deal with that. It’s not like he missed him, he wasn’t a baby.

It meant nothing to him if—

He felt a brush of a thumb clean the tear he hadn’t noticed he had shed, and Wonwoo pulled back, surprised at himself.

He hadn’t cried after everything that had happened, he had to be strong.

“Mean people are just _sad_ people, Wonnie.” Junhui said kindly. “And it’s okay to be sad.”

Wonwoo wanted to refute that, he really did, but his shoulders started to shake and then he slumped in Junhui’s hold, hiding in his cousin’s chest.

Like a child.

“I promise it’ll be okay.”

And as Wonwoo let himself be held, he just hoped it’d be.

***

“Want to play?”

“No.”

“Want to watch TV?”

“No.”

“We could—"

“ _Hyung_ ,” Seungkwan said, with an exasperated sigh, looking… exasperated. “I’m doing something.”

Wonwoo stood by his side. He didn’t know what his brother was doing, he looked like he was just sitting there.

He was confused.

He had thought that maybe Seungkwan would want to play now, considering that since he hadn’t started school yet, it’s not like he had homework to do (like Wonwoo).

It’s not like he was _busy._

“What are you doing?” He asked, deciding to sit up next to him.

Seungkwan was staying by the door, cross legged with his bear sitting on his lap. He wasn’t drawing or anything, like the last time Wonwoo had seen him in that cabinet in _The Angel House._

In the week that they had here, Seungkwan had played with him, they’d read stories or play with action figures.

This was the first time he’d say no to him.

Wonwoo was a little hurt at that.

“I’m waiting, hyung.” Seungkwan said, as if it were obvious, and Wonwoo frowned, even more confused now.

Why did that sound familiar…?

_My mom._

Oh.

It’s not like Seungkwan had said it, but he still meant that, right?

Wonwoo looked around the room, Seungcheol was playing the radio in the kitchen, and Jeonghan was nowhere to be seen.

“Are you waiting for your mom?” He asked in a whisper, because he had been thinking about it and… well, it didn’t make sense to wait for his mom, because he had two dads right here?

“ _S_ _hh_ , hyung. It’s a secret.” He whispered, placing a finger on his lips and Wonwoo effectively shut his mouth.

Was it a secret?

Didn’t Jeonghan and Seungcheol know that this kid was waiting for his mom?

Would his mom come and get him someday? Could she do that?

Wonwoo didn’t think it was allowed.

Or was it?

It’d be unfair if it was though, because Wonwoo already liked Seungkwan.

Wonwoo only had one little brother in the whole world and that was Seungkwan.

He didn’t want anyone to take him away.

“Okay.” He whispered, because it seemed like something a big brother would do, keeping secrets for their baby brothers.

Seungkwan looked up, surprised, and then gave him a genuine little smile (missing tooth and everything).

Wonwoo pressed his lips into a thin line, pleased at himself for getting that reaction, but not knowing what else to say.

And there was something else though, if Seungkwan didn’t want to leave the door and Wonwoo was worried about him, then only thing made sense.

He had told Jeonghan and Seungcheol he’d protect his baby brother.

And he’d do that.

“Can I join you?”

Seungkwan looked surprised again, and he gave him a smile, parting his lips to reply.

“Boys,” Seungcheol’s voice snapped their attention, it was coming from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready, help appa set the table please.”

The children looked at each other, and Wonwoo was about to insist, but then Seungkwan stood up, patting his arm and smiling up at him.

“Dinner, hyung!”

Wonwoo pouted, he had almost thought that Seungkwan would say yes, but now he’d never know.

Seungkwan was already chatting with Seungcheol though and Wonwoo reluctantly followed, sighing in his way to the kitchen.

Being _hyung_ was hard.

***

“Two things.”

At his side, Jeonghan took a deep steadying breath and nodded, burying himself more into his seat. 

Seungcheol faintly wondered _why_ Jeonghan had just nodded, he didn’t know what he meant. It’s not like he had explained anything since they had gotten into the car. 

“Aren’t you going to ask?” Seungcheol asked as he turned the last corner to get to their house.

He had been thinking the whole morning and ever since last night… and there were two things he wanted to discuss today.

He also knew he should have been tense, or worried, but as they approached to the house and the conversation was imminent, strangely, he just… relaxed.

Maybe what got him all tense and upset and mad before was that he hadn’t been able to even speak to him, because Jeonghan was tired, or busy, or he wasn’t home.

But now the two of them were here, to talk things through, to make up, and Seungcheol felt a lot better even though they hadn’t even started talking yet.

Jihoon’s talk in the morning had helped too.

In the passenger seat, Jeonghan only shook his head, busy with playing with his phone.

If Seungcheol didn’t know him any better, he’d say he was ignoring him and would find it offensive, but… when Jeonghan did that, it was only because he was nervous, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

It wouldn’t deter him.

Seungcheol gave him a bit of time, because it seemed like Jeonghan needed that.

He stayed in silence until he parked the car, made it inside the house and they were both comfortably seated in the living room. 

Jeonghan on his favorite spot on the couch and Seungcheol on the coffee table.

They were only a few inches away, and Seungcheol didn’t miss the bag under Jeonghan’s eyes, how a little less put together he looked.

And that wasn’t the only thing he noticed.

Jeonghan just _refused_ to look at him in the eye.

Seungcheol tried to stop himself, but he yearned to reassure him. It was too hard for him to see his husband like that.

“Baby,” Seungcheol placed a gentle hand on Jeonghan’s chin, making him look up. When Jeonghan did, he gave him a fond smile. “We’re not breaking up or anything, stop looking so sullen.”

Usually Jeonghan’d have flushed a nice shade of pink, but now he only gave him a small tired smile.

He looked like he wanted to say _thank you_ too, but Seungcheol was glad that he didn’t.

That would mean that it had _actually_ crossed Jeonghan’s mind to break up, and Seungcheol was only joking.

“It’s just…” Jeonghan started, speaking for the first time they had dropped the kids at Mingyu’s. He sounded wary, tired beyond measure and it erased Seungcheol’s smile from his face. “You didn’t see him.”

Seungcheol held his breath and Jeonghan looked down again, head lolling between his shoulders.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me, Cheol.” He whispered. “He looked like he really hated me, he looked _so_ mad and... I did that.”

Seungcheol knew.

Well, it’s not like he actually knew, because he hadn’t been there yesterday, but Wonwoo had roughly told him what had happened and he figured out the rest…

And he _had_ seen Seungkwan this morning.

He looked… upset in a way Seungcheol had never seen him before.

Which meant a serious conversation was in order.

No more fooling around.

“Okay, Han.” He started, swallowing hard, trying to find the right words. “First thing.”

Jeonghan looked up, with a blank expression, except Seungcheol knew him too well.

“Hannie… this needs to stop,” He said, softly. He didn’t mention Seokmin’s name or anything, but Jeonghan seemed to pick it up anyway. “You’re… this is getting out of hand. This is just… too much, you know?” He added, in a tired tone.

And he hadn’t meant to sound so exhausted, but he _was_ , if he thought about all those nights he woke up at like three am because of the phone ringing…

Jeonghan blinked up at him, apparently stunned at all the implications. Seungcheol knew that there was no coming back from this, this was a conversation they needed to have.

And he could only pray for things to get better after this was done.

When his husband didn’t reply, Seungcheol slowly took Jeonghan’s hands into his.

It felt like _ages_ since he had properly touched him and he did remember yesterday’s hug… but it seemed different somehow.

“I know you love him. I love him too and by all means we’re Seokminnie’s Uncles, just like Jihoon and Soonyoung are for our kids.” He caressed Jeonghan’s knuckles, knowing that if Jeonghan wasn’t talking it meant he was listening and that was all that Seungcheol needed today. “But this is getting too much… I see how you’re tired too, you’re handling every situation by _phone_ at three am. You’re overworking yourself.”

Seungcheol’s eyes didn’t miss Jeonghan’s expression for a second, he was trying to resist the urge to cry.

This was a difficult one to discuss, because it had to do with Jeonghan’s work, with the way he showed affection, with his caring nature and his neverending responsibility of making the children (not just theirs) happy.

This was about the core of the problem, but also of the solution, Seungcheol thought.

“If this is because of the other night,” He started, with a weak smile, trying to deviate (which meant Seungcheol had hit the right spot). “Channie’s already five and maybe he shouldn’t be sleeping with us.” Jeonghan pondered and for the first time today, Seungcheol’s gaze hardened.

“You know this isn’t Channie’s fault.” Seungcheol said and Jeonghan closed his mouth, licking his lips.

He took a deep breath.

“I’d never… I didn’t mean that.” Jeonghan admitted quietly and Seungcheol was glad that he had, and he went back to caress his knuckles.

Jeonghan tended to lash out if he was cornered like this, but Seungcheol wasn’t backing down today.

“The thing is… We don’t spend as much time together as a family as I’d like, and if you’re picking up the phone or going to Jihoon’s house almost every day, I doubt we can enjoy it.” He said softly, letting him go to give him a onceover. Jeonghan looked tense, uncomfortable. Seungcheol kept going anyway. “I know between all of us you’re the most experienced with children, but Soonyoung and Jihoon… they can handle it, they _want_ to handle it. There’s no reason to worry.”

“But what if _something_ happens and… if something happens to him.” Jeonghan’s words died down, and if he wanted to add something else, Seungcheol beat him to it.

“I think you might be underestimating them.” He said, not unkindly.

He didn’t ask _what_ could happen, or why did he think that, that was for another conversation altogether.

“I just worry that–I just care for him, it makes me happy that he’s here… I don’t know.” Jeonghan whispered, running a hand through his hair.

“I know,” Seungcheol cooed, cupping his cheek to make him look up again. “I know you worry, I know you care. So much. And that’s one of the things I love about you.”

Jeonghan smiled a little, his cheeks burning despite himself, Seungcheol was sure.

“But he’s got his own little family, we’re his _big_ family now.” And Jeonghan would probably scoff at Seungcheol’s cheesiness if he weren’t so overwhelmed by it all. “I’m glad Seokmin’s got you, but Jihoon and Soonyoung must take care of him now. They’re his parents.”

Jeonghan took a deep breath, leaning to Seungcheol’s chest, it was the first act of affection directed towards him, and Seungcheol’s heart beat a little faster, hands clammy as he held the edge of the table.

“He’ll be okay.”

Seungcheol thought that Jeonghan would cry, but he didn’t, he just clung to him, hugging him tight.

It seemed like he wanted to melt into the embrace and Seungcheol let him.

“I know… it’s just hard.” Jeonghan whispered, without explaining any further, but Seungcheol knew what he meant.

After having children he knew, it was hard letting go, try to worry a bit less, try to be less protective.

“I’ll try,”

“I know you will.” Seungcheol said, pulling him to a hug.

And _now_ it was a proper one, and he reveled on the feeling of having Jeonghan close, being able to hug him and kiss him, and just _be_ with him.

He caught his husband’s lips, one, two times, breathing only a bit heavy as he pulled back.

There was something else, he couldn’t get carried away.

“Second thing?” Jeonghan’s asked, breaking the silence as he remembered the same thing, and Seungcheol didn’t miss his red cheeks this time.

It made him feel a lot better.

Once upon a time, he had thought that he was the only one affected in this relationship, but Jeonghan was just affected and whipped as he was.

And first thing had gone well… they didn’t even pick up a fight and Seungcheol was glad, although this subject was also delicate, somehow.

“How was work?” Seungcheol asked, beating around the bush for once.

Jeonghan took a deep shuddering breath, he knew this one was coming.

It was obvious.

It didn’t make sense to stall any longer.

“I know what you want to say,” Jeonghan started, raising his hands as if to defend himself. “I’ve been slow and I shouldn’t bring work home, but–"

Wait, what?

That wasn’t the issue, at all.

“I’ve tried to work faster and end sooner, but I haven’t–" 

“I’m worried about you.” Seungcheol blurted out, effectively shutting his husband up.

Jeonghan closed his mouth, blinking up in confusion at him.

“I thought you were mad.”

“Well, I was,” There was no point in lying about that, he had been obvious. “But… it’s not your fault, is it?”

Jeonghan’s boss counted on him to do this, and that was the only reason why Seungcheol couldn’t be mad at him.

Work was work and Seungcheol understood, but still.

“Hannie, maybe… I don’t know, is there any chance of your boss moving the deadline?” Seungcheol asked, knowing it was foolish or maybe too hopeful of him. Jeonghan shook his head. “Of him giving you some time off?”

Jeonghan sighed and that was an answer of its own.

“I was just…” Seungcheol started, and he had just thought about it this morning, after he spoke with Jihoon, but maybe it’d be a good idea. Maybe it could work. “I think things would get better if you spend some time with Seungkwannie.”

_I feel like appa hates me._

Seungcheol would never betray Seungkwan’s trust like that, but he thought that the only way to make Seungkwan feel like he was loved by Jeonghan was giving them some alone time.

Only for the two of them.

“I agree.” Jeonghan replied and Seungcheol was actually surprised that it had been so easy. Well, that wasn’t the hard part though. His husband waited for a few moments, thinking hard. “This can’t wait.”

Seungcheol nodded.

“I think we should go to Jeju for Christmas.” Jeonghan blurted out, and Seungcheol, on impulse, nodded again.

“Wait, to _Jeju?_ On Christmas?” Seungcheol asked, frowning. First of all, Jeju meant… lots of things Seungcheol didn’t want to dwell on right now and Christmas was _next week._ “I was thinking like taking him out for camping or-”

“Funny of you to think that Seungkwannie would enjoy _camping_.” Jeonghan replied, rolling his eyes and Seungcheol knew that at least his husband was feeling comfortable enough to diss him, but still.

“Well, it was just an example–"

“Doesn’t matter.” Jeonghan said firmly. “I think we could do it. We weren’t able to go out in Chuseok. And Jeju is special, right? To Seungkwannie, even if he doesn’t know that.”

Seungcheol couldn’t deny that.

“I think all of us could use this opportunity, to get some rest, it’d only be a few days… only until Christmas, then we’ll be back.” Jeonghan said, looking so on board with the idea that Seungcheol almost forgot it was _his_. “I’ll ask my boss, I could try and if he gives me permission we could leave this week, I could take Seungkwannie first and you could join us with Wonnie and Channie on Friday, after school and–”

This was a _lot_ to take in.

“Han… baby,” Seungcheol started, trying to process everything. “We’d need to know book flights and somewhere to stay and your boss–"

“I’ll take care of it.” He assured him, looking confident in a way that Seungcheol found hard to refute. “I… I have to do this, Cheol. I have to make this better.”

Seungcheol smiled at that.

They were a team, which meant that Seungcheol would support Jeonghan no matter what.

“Okay then. Let’s do this. Jeju, Christmas.” At least his boss wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but there was still a lot to worry about.

Jeonghan all but cheered in response, throwing himself at him in celebration. Seungcheol immediately wrapped his arms around him, smiling into his hair.

God, he had missed him.

He rubbed his back gently, just enjoying to be able to hug him and then Jeonghan’s soft voice broke the silence in the room.

“You think he’ll forgive me?”

Seungcheol pulled him close, thinking of Seungkwan and how sad he had looked, but they would be doing this, only for him and he hoped that would make Seungkwan understand how much they loved him.

There was no doubt about this.

He kissed the top of Jeonghan’s head.

“Of course he will.”

***

Seungkwan was crying.

Seungkwan was crying _again_ actually, and Wonwoo didn’t understand.

Things had gone so well in the first week, Seungkwan was happy, Seungcheol and Jeonghan were delighted and Wonwoo was happy too.

But… lately Seungkwan had gotten upset over the tiniest thing, he wouldn’t let any of them talk to him or get closer and he’d just stay by the door, and when Jeonghan and Seungcheol tried to get him to eat anything, he’d just… snap.

Like now.

“No, no, no, no, _no._ Let go!” Seungkwan wailed, as Seungcheol tried (and failed) to hold him to his chest so he wouldn’t hurt himself hitting the door.

There was a small bandage on Seungkwan’s hand already, from where he had tried to smash one of his car toys against the wall last week.

Jeonghan stood by Seungcheol, placing a hand on Seungkwan’s back as he tried to shush him, saying comforting words.

Wonwoo didn’t exactly heard them, he could only stand back and watch.

“Let me go,” Seungkwan fisted his hands on Seungcheol’s hair and _pulled_ , burying his face in the crook of his neck as he started to get tired from all the thrashing around. “I want to leave, please.”

Wonwoo didn’t even remember what was happening before this, were they watching TV? Were they having dinner? Were they doing homework?

“Wonwoo.” Jeonghan said, his tone giving away an urgency that he didn’t understand.

When his eyes landed on the adult, he caught the worry on his gaze. He also looked like he had been saying his name more than once, but Wonwoo hadn’t heard him.

“Baby,” He insisted, cupping his cheek.

He faintly registered Seungcheol’s _shh, we got you_ at Seungkwan, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at them, he just kept his eyes on Jeonghan.

He’d cry otherwise.

“I want to leave,” Seungkwan whispered, defeated, slumping on Seungcheol’s hold. “I want my mom.”

“Baby, it’s okay.” Jeonghan said softly, a total contrast of the _mess_ that was going on behind him, how Seungkwan kept weakly struggling to hit Seungcheol and pull at his hair.

That must hurt, Wonwoo thought.

Things _weren’t_ okay, why did appa keep insisting that they were?

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Seungcheol insisted, although Jeonghan hadn’t exactly asked, but when the two adults looked at each other, Wonwoo didn’t miss the way Seungcheol’s eyes glazed over.

It only lasted a second, because then Seungcheol went back to rub Seungkwan’s back and pull him a bit closer, hugging him to his chest.

“Shh, we got you. We love you.” Seungcheol assured him, pressing a kiss at the top of Seungkwan’s head.

“... do that for me, baby?”

Wait, was Jeonghan talking to _him_?

“I want my mom!”

“ _Breathe_ , buddy. There you go. Let’s calm down.”

“It’s okay.”

Too much noise, maybe Wonwoo should go to his room.

“Please, baby?”

Oh, that was Jeonghan again. He was cupping his cheeks, and not only that, he kept caressing his skin with his thumb.

It felt unreal somehow, having Seungkwan and Seungcheol struggling in the back and then Jeonghan looking at him with the utmost fond and sad expression that Wonwoo had ever caught in his eyes.

This time, Wonwoo was able to focus.

This time, he didn’t miss the way Jeonghan’s hands trembled, his eyes glassy.

Ah, this was wrong.

“Go to your room, okay?” Jeonghan insisted, and the words _finally_ registered. Right, he should go. He didn’t want to see Seungcheol cry. Or Jeonghan. And they looked like they were about to.

Wonwoo nodded, trying not to look at Seungcheol again, (he still did though, Seungkwan had slumped over Seungcheol, looking asleep now) and Jeonghan smiled at him, gentle, small, _watery._

As he headed upstairs, he tried to swallow the lump on his throat.

Suddenly all the noise had disappeared, and it was _quiet_ again, how great.

He thought he might have heard sobbing coming from downstairs, but he closed his door, deciding that (maybe) he didn’t need to know.

Appa didn’t want him to.

***

“Appa, I’m done eating, can I go to my room?”

Seungcheol suppressed a sigh.

Ever since he had talked to Jeonghan, things weren’t tense between them anymore (and he was glad), but… with Seungkwan, everything remained the same.

The boy kept purposefully ignoring Jeonghan, and it was awkward.

Right now they were having dinner, all of them, and even though Chan kept chatting enthusiastically about his day at school, Seungkwan stayed stubbornly silent during the whole meal, only speaking now to ask permission to leave.

Seungcheol understood, he really did, when he had been a kid and especially as a teen he had had a few fights with his parents, but… now being in the other side of the conflict was, well, not fun.

He just didn’t remember a time where his family had resolved a confrontation with the silent treatment.

And even though he wanted to put a stop to this, he knew that it wasn’t that Jeonghan hadn’t apologized, he had, countless times, it was just that Seungkwan needed some time to heal.

In times like this though, he wondered if letting this happen was the best option.

The whole table was _tense,_ all eyes on Seungcheol, because clearly Seungkwan wasn’t asking Jeonghan.

Usually no one would leave the table until _all_ of them were done eating, but today…

“Okay,” Seungcheol conceded, knowing that the boy had already done his homework and took a shower, he was ready to sleep anyway.

He noticed Wonwoo giving him a curious look and his husband chewing on his lower lip, but Seungkwan only nodded, mouthing a small _thank you_ as he turned to leave.

“Baby.” Seungcheol raised his tone of voice, only a little, and the whole table snapped to attention. He hadn’t sounded authoritative, but there was an edge of warning in his voice and none of the present missed it.

The nine year old slowly turned, raising his eyebrows with an awkward smile.

“What is it, appa?”

“Goodnight.” Seungcheol said pointedly, raising an eyebrow.

They had this unspoken rule about not to go bed while they were mad, or not discuss over the phone, it was silly perhaps, thinking that _something_ would happen if they didn’t say goodbye to each other properly, but Seungcheol wasn’t risking it.

And one night to go mad to bed was enough.

Seungkwan looked like he wanted to disobey, and his eyes met Seungcheol for a moment, before nodding and looking down, sounding a bit whiny, but managing to do it anyway.

“Goodnight, Seungcheol-appa, hyung, Channie,” He raised his head, and Seungcheol managed to catch the way his husband and child’s glazes met, for a fleeting moment. “Goodnight, Jeonghan-appa.”

It seemed like all of them sighed in relief after that.

Seungkwan scurried to his room and Seungcheol reached out to squeeze Jeonghan’s hand.

His husband looked devastated and he could understand. This was being hard on him and Seungcheol feared that this was sending Jeonghan into an abyss of self-hatred and intense questioning about his parenting skills.

Seungcheol didn’t want to let that happen, but... they had already agreed that Seungkwan and Jeonghan would figure out things out all by themselves in Jeju, giving both of them a moment to get out of the house and look things in a different perspective.

Maybe this would be a lesson to all of them too.

Families learned how to deal with conflicts together.

And if this wasn’t the best way, Seungcheol would give his family new chances to try, again and again, until things would get better.

Seungcheol was an optimist, and if Jeonghan and Wonwoo and Seungkwan and Chan couldn’t think positive now, Seungcheol would do it for all of them, because he wouldn’t just let this family break apart for something like this.

Not on his watch.

After that, dinner ended without much fanfare, and Wonwoo went to his room to study, only Jeonghan and Chan staying in the living room.

It was Seungcheol’s turn to wash the dishes, and he had his full attention on his task, hearing the background noises of Chan singing along to an idol song and Jeonghan typing away on his computer.

He had no idea if standing his ground like that had helped the Seungkwan-Jeonghan conflict, but… it seemed like the right thing to do at the time and Seungcheol knew he wasn’t an unapproachable authoritative parent figure either, so maybe it was okay?

Maybe it was necessary, so Seungkwan didn’t keep purposefully hurting Jeonghan’s feelings.

And Jeonghan had looked thankful after that, and that was nice too. His husband had been smiling less and less lately and Seungcheol knew it had to do with how exhausted he was.

“Everything’s ready.” Jeonghan’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and two seconds later, he saw his husband hopping on the counter next to where he was drying out a particularly large pot.

Seungcheol’s mind took a moment to process what Jeonghan meant.

Right.

Jeju.

Christmas’ trip.

Jeonghan’s permission to get some time off from work.

And _everything was ready._

Seungcheol knew it was ambitious the moment the idea appeared on the conversation, but he had never thought Jeonghan would solve everything this quickly.

Not even twenty four hours had passed since their heart-to-heart.

How could Jeonghan talk to his boss, get money to buy plane tickets, book hotel rooms and who-knows what else in only twenty hours?

Besides, it was in such a short notice that Seungcheol worried a little about money they’d be spending… considering they were _five_ of them when they went out in vacation, they did everything on advance.

It’s not like they were used to decide their vacation plan the same _week_ that they’d be going, but well...

Things were different now, weren’t they?

“That was fast.“ He said, not being able to stop himself, because he wondered _how_ Jeonghan had done it.

Jeonghan hummed in thought, eyes fixed somewhere else and Seungcheol’s heart filled with a sense of dread, money they could borrow and booking everything would take time, but…

“Your boss gave you permission… just like that?”

It was a bit unbelievable, since they were still talking about the boss that had made Jeonghan’s life _hell_ with that crazy deadline and workload.

It sounded lenient of him and Seungcheol doubted that he’d just accept this so easily.

“Yup, just like that.” Jeonghan brushed off, like it was nothing and Seungcheol’s lips parted to ask more, but his husband continued. “The kids helped with the hotel and the flights.”

Seungcheol took a moment to understand that, because he had forgotten that once upon a time, the _kids_ were his longtime friends, not his _actual_ kids.

So Jihoon and Soonyoung and Mingyu and Minghao had lent a hand.

Seungcheol couldn’t thank them enough.

“Appa!” Chan’s voice resonated through the living room and kitchen, the boy padding his way towards them until he tugged on Seungcheol’s shirt, looking up at him curiously. “What are you talking about?”

Chan was already wearing his pyjamas after Jeonghan had given him a bath, and Seungcheol thought he looked adorable every time he wore that dinosaur onesie.

“Oh, baby,” Seungcheol cooed, picking him up to plant a kiss on his head and then settling him back down. Chan giggled in response, looking bouncy once he was on the floor again. “It’s actually a surprise.”

“Really? Can I get a hint?” He asked, giving Seungcheol his puppy eyes.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan exchanged fond looks and then they nodded at each other.

It wouldn’t hurt if Chan knew what was going on, they did want to tell the children, but not until things were ready and now they _were._

Seungkwan was the only one who wasn’t supposed to know, and if they were about to tell Chan now, then Wonwoo...

“I’ll talk to him.” Jeonghan voiced out his thoughts and squeezed his husband’s arm gently, ruffling Chan’s hair and then leaving the kitchen to head to the second floor.

“What?” Chan pouted, not understanding a thing. “Talk to who?”

“With Wonwoo-hyung,” Seungcheol explained, reaching out for Chan to take his hand. When the boy did, he guided him towards the couch.

“Is it a surprise for Wonwoo-hyung?” He asked, with a gasp.

Seungcheol resisted the urge to coo out loud at Chan’s excitement.

“It’s a surprise for _all_ of you.”

“Woah.” Chan’s tiny fists clung to Seungcheol’s shoulder, placing on his lap to look at him in the eye properly. “What’s the surprise, appa? I _really_ want to know.”

“I’ll tell you, but only ‘cause I like you _so_ much.” Seungcheol gushed, tickling Chan’s sides as he squirmed in his hold, giggling as he tried to make him stop.

Seungcheol thought that it had been forever since he had heard their youngest laugh like that and it gave him the most pleasant feeling of them all.

He loved him so much, words failed to describe it.

“ _Appa,"_ Chan squealed, sounding delighted even though he tried to feign offence. “I really _really_ want to know, I’m _serious_!” He whined.

“Okay, _okay,_ ” Seungcheol said, laughter dying down as he cupped Chan’s cheeks to press a kiss against his nose.

Just because.

There was no doubt Chan would adore the idea and it made Seungcheol get all giddy too.

“We’ll go on vacation.” He revealed, not wanting to make him wait a second longer.

“Really, appa?” Chan asked, eyes going wide with surprise. “On vacation? Is it for Christmas?”

Seungcheol fixed his son’s hair and nodded.

“Christmas it’s next week, so we’ll celebrate there.” He explained. “Today is… (“ _Wednesday_!”) Yes, tomorrow Jeonghan-appa will pick up Seungkwannie from school and they’ll go first, _then_ Wonwoo-hyung, you and I will join them on Friday.”

“Is this for real? _Oh_ , appa, if we’re going on vacation then I’ll have to pack, _you’ll_ have to pack. We’ve got so much to do!” Chan said excitedly, bouncing up and down.

Seungcheol couldn’t help but chuckle in response. That was adorable. _He_ was adorable.

“Yes, for real. It’s a present for you guys, because we haven’t seen each other lately and we miss you.”

Chan’s expression immediately changed, placing his baby hands on Seungcheol’s face.

“You miss me?”

There was no point in lying about that.

“I do. Jeonghan-appa too.” Seungcheol gushed, loving the way Chan cuddled on his chest, wrapping his arms and legs around him as if he didn’t know any other way to hug him.

And as if _he_ wanted to comfort and protect Seungcheol.

Seungcheol loved the way that his baby reminded him that love was unconditional and that no matter how many mistakes they made, Chan was still there.

He knew that their boys would grow into teenagers (Wonwoo was already there) and then young men and they’d realize all the mistakes they had made as parents.

Seungcheol hoped that they didn’t resent them much because of them.

“Can you promise me you won’t tell Seungkwannie-hyung? So he’ll be really surprised.” Seungcheol asked, placing his chin on top of Chan’s head, eyes glazed over all of the sudden.

He was getting so emotional these days.

“Yup, appa, I promise.”

Seungcheol hid a smile against his son’s hair.

Unconditional love, huh?

“Thank you, baby.”

***

“Appa, does it hurt?”

“Mm?”

“Your eye.” Wonwoo clarified, although he was sure it didn’t need to be clarified, because there was a distinct purple and yellow _bruise_ on Seungcheol’s face.

“Oh, baby, it doesn’t. I’m fine.” Seungcheol assured him, giving him a warm smile.

Wonwoo kept pouting, because it wasn’t that he didn’t want to believe him… he just didn’t think so.

How could anyone be fine? Bruises hurt.

Parent and son were in the main bedroom, both sitting on the bed.

Wonwoo didn’t know what happened the other day after he was sent to his room, but then Seungcheol had appeared next morning with that nasty thing on his eye and he was worried.

He had wanted to ask what had happened too, but he figured it had something to do with Seungkwan so… maybe Jeonghan and Seungcheol didn’t want him to know, because otherwise they would have told him, right?

His parents told him everything.

They had even asked if he wanted a baby brother or sister, parents didn’t always do that, right?

His friend Minhyun had gotten a little sister and no one had asked him what _he_ thought about it.

“What are you looking so sulky about, Wonnie?” Seungcheol gushed, tilting his chin up gently, and Wonwoo’s cheeks got a little red.

Seungcheol always knew when something was wrong.

And Wonwoo wasn’t here because something _was_ , he just had gotten a shower and had gone to his parents’ room to get some cuddles before heading to bed.

There was… something prickling at the back of his mind though.

Wonwoo remembered something.

Just a few nights away, he had gone to his parents’ room to ask them for his spare glasses, since he had lost his specs somewhere in his room.

It was late at night, past eleven, and all the lights were off, but Wonwoo knew his home by heart, so he navigated through the hallways until his feet carried him towards his parents’ room.

When he was about to open the door, he heard Jeonghan and Seungcheol _talking_ , and Wonwoo stopped in his tracks.

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but…

“Baby,” Seungcheol’s voice. “It’s okay, you’re doing the best you can–"

There was noise of rustling and heavy breathing and Wonwoo held his own, he didn’t want them to notice he was right here.

“Cheol, I just–” Jeonghan sounded distressed, voice breaking. “He’s not happy here, is he?”

Silence.

Wonwoo’s heart beat a little faster, thinking that he shouldn’t be hearing this.

They were talking about Seungkwan, right?

It was obvious that they were.

“I just, I just don’t know what to do—” Jeonghan again, but this time, his voice dissolved into something that Wonwoo couldn’t make up and he hurriedly went back to his room.

Glasses forgotten.

Now he had just asked if Seungcheol was okay, because he wanted to know if he was, but he was also worried about Jeonghan.

Wonwoo hadn’t realized until he remembered now, but Jeonghan had been _crying._

It was obvious, wasn’t it?

His voice had wavered and he had been sobbing and even Wonwoo hadn’t exactly _seen_ that, it was obvious to him now.

He didn’t know why it took him days for him to figure out that he had been crying.

Wonwoo didn’t just think that Jeonghan cried a lot. And he had also said that he didn’t know what to do, which was a very not-Jeonghan thing to say.

And that was worrying.

“Wonwoo-yah?”

If his parents didn't know what to do, was _he_ supposed to know what to do?

Seungkwan won’t play with him.

He won’t even talk to him sometimes.

How is he going to do this? He has never been anyone’s hyung before.

Seungcheol’s gentle squeeze on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

His dad gave him a worried look and an invitation to share his feelings, but Wonwoo just decided to smile in response.

“I’m fine.” He assured him, because if maybe he shared why he’s so worried about (and he’s worried about a lot of things right now) he’ll have to tell Seungcheol he heard something he wasn’t supposed to. And he doesn’t want to admit that.

So Wonwoo reassured him again, and then said goodnight to him, heading to his room.

He turned off the lights, got comfy and under the covers and then tried to sleep.

Except that minutes went by and he couldn’t.

He turned and then turned again, and then tried counting sheeps.

But it didn’t work.

Suddenly his room seemed too dark and scary to sleep in and even though he tried to get rid of that feeling, telling himself it was stupid to think that, it only got him more terrified and frustrated.

Before he could think how to resolve it, he decided that maybe it wasn’t so late to go back to his parents’ room.

He made his way quickly, pushing through the door, thinking that he’d find all of them asleep.

Jeonghan was there, as he hugged Seungkwan to his chest (Wonwoo figured that he had been tried to put him down to sleep before) and Seungcheol was on his side, staring at the door.

His eyes met Wonwoo’s right away.

Seungcheol placed a finger over his lips, signaling him to be quiet so he wouldn’t wake Jeonghan and Seungkwan.

“Appa… can I sleep here?” He mumbled, feeling a pang of jealousy over seeing Seungkwan there… cuddling with Jeonghan as if… as if he hadn’t made him cry.

As if Seungcheol’s bruise had nothing to do with him.

Wonwoo felt a bit like crying himself although he didn’t know why.

“Of course, baby.” Seungcheol whispered, making room for him at his side. “Hop on.”

He hesitated for a second, not wanting to disturb Seungkwan and Jeonghan sleeping, but Seungcheol had said that it was alright already, so why didn’t he go?

Wonwoo thought that it was weird that he had gone to his room and then back again, and it was clear that something was bothering him.

“Want to tell appa something, Wonnie?” Seungcheol asked, as he made sure that Wonwoo was properly tucked in.

_Yes._

_Why did appa cry? Was it really because of Seungkwan? Did Seungcheol lie when he said it didn’t hurt? Was it only him that missed when they were just the three of them?_

_Wasn’t he a good hyung?_

“Not really.”

Seungkwan was sleeping soundly in Jeonghan’s arms and Wonwoo resented him, only a little.

But he was _hyung_ now, he couldn’t get mad at Seungkwan.

Seungkwan was only five. He didn’t know better.

Wonwoo was nine.

Although Seungcheol was holding him close to his chest, Wonwoo still reached out to hold Jeonghan’s shirt, not minding that the movement could wake up Seungkwan (it didn’t).

“Baby, is there anything wrong? Can’t you sleep?” Seungcheol asked, voice groggy against Wonwoo’s hair.

Wonwoo shook his head, not wanting to say anything, because he only wanted them close, he didn’t want to say anything.

Sometimes he wished that things went back to normal, just the three of them, but then he’d feel bad and he’d bury that thoughts right away.

If he said that out loud, Jeonghan and Seungcheol would be disappointed in him and he didn’t want that.

He didn’t reply to Seungcheol’s question, and he thought that it had gone unnoticed by the adult, but Seungcheol pulled him a bit closer, cuddling him and rubbing his back up and down.

Wonwoo buried his head in Seungcheol’s neck, breathing in and out until he started to doze off.

His hand was still tightly clasped on Jeonghan’s sleep shirt.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol didn’t look mad at Seungkwan, so he shouldn’t be either.

He shouldn’t, big brothers were supposed to protect the little ones, not get angry at them.

So no getting angry. Not now, not ever

Wonwoo kept repeating himself that until he fell asleep.

***

“I thought that only Jeonghan-appa and Seungkwan would travel today.”

“They are.”

Wonwoo went silent, looking down at his joined hands, Seungcheol made sure that his son had fastened his seat belt and headed outside the school grounds, all while Wonwoo dwelled on their destination, Seungcheol was sure.

This wasn’t part of the original plan, when he had talked with Jeonghan and they had decided about Jeju and the whole spend-some-alone-time it didn’t include Wonwoo.

But Seungcheol kept thinking about their eldest and how thoughtful and worried he had looked after talking to Seungkwan and… he thought that Wonwoo was taking too much on himself to make this better.

He was thirteen, but he was still a child by Seungcheol’s standards and this… this wasn’t about Seungkwan getting hurt or upset over something like a toy, this was deeper than the children could ever understand.

Well, it was one of the things they hoped they could work out in Jeju, but he was deviating.

“Then why are you picking _me_ up early?” Wonwoo asked, in a whisper, looking like he was about to get scolded.

Seungcheol kept his eyes fixed on the road, but he reached out, patting Wonwoo’s knee gently. He was used to hold hands with his husband as soon as they got together in the car, so it wasn’t a distraction at all.

“Well…” He started, smiling small at his son. ”I thought _we_ needed some alone time too.”

“Appa… you didn’t have to.” Wonwoo started, looking a little scandalised. He had looked like that just a few minutes ago, when he found out that Seungcheol had asked for a day off to pick him early.

It looked like Wonwoo had a lot of adult concerns for his age and Seungcheol was the tiniest bit endeared at that. Sometimes he felt like he was actually more childlike than his son.

He also knew that he didn’t _have_ to, he wanted to though. Seungwan wasn’t the only one feeling lonely because of their absences.

Wonwoo was just better at hiding it.

Hence this small reminder to their eldest, his feelings are valid too, they can coddle him as well even though he’s thirteen.

He doesn’t have to be strong and responsible all the time.

“It’s okay, Wonwoo-yah,” He assured him, patting on his knee once again, as his hand returned to the steering wheel, focusing on the last turn to get home. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

He had this whole plan for today, he’d take Wonwoo home so he’d change his school clothes, then he’d take him out for lunch and then they’d go to the arcade.

All the nagging from his boss couldn’t take the happiness that would mean to have a _whole_ day to spend with Wonwoo.

Seungcheol parked the car, feeling a bit giddy all of the sudden, he felt like he hadn’t really interacted with Wonwoo lately, and he missed him a lot.

As a parent, he didn’t think it was okay to have a favorite kid, and Seungcheol didn’t really think he had one, but he knew one thing for sure, Wonwoo spent most of his time at home with him.

“Appa went to school today to say goodbye.” Wonwoo commented as they made their way inside the house, Wonwoo pulling off his jacket and Seungcheol leaving his keys by the door.

Jeonghan had told him he’d stop by to pick Seungkwannie up and give him the surprise, and obviously he had said goodbye to Wonwoo too, even though they’d see each other in like twenty four hours anyway.

Apart from a few work trips every now and then, they didn’t really get separated a lot, so while Seungcheol usually mocked Jeonghan for being a little overprotective, he understood where he was coming from, he felt anxious whenever he didn’t see his kids and husband for too long.

As Seungcheol observed Wonwoo put away his books on the table, he noticed he had an actual chance to speak to him.

Privately.

 _Something_ had been nagging him about this whole Jeju-thing and… he knew it was now or never to ask.

“Wonwoo, please be honest with me, okay?” Seungcheol started, dropping his bag on the sofa, causing a soft thump. “Do you really not mind? That appa went with Seungkwannie first.”

Because if they were trying to make Seungkwan feel less jealous and ended up making _Wonwoo_ feel neglected, then they deserved the award of parents of the year.

They just figured… that Channie would be fine either way and that Wonwoo would understand that they needed to do this, but just in case that wasn’t enough on his own, Seungcheol had decided to pick him up early.

Giving him some space away from all the drama too.

“I don't mind.”

Seungcheol tried to find any of the traces that would indicate a lie. He knew (most) of Wonwoo’s tells, how he shifted from one foot to another, how he avoided to look at him into the eye, his nail biting habit (he shared that one with Jeonghan), but… no.

He could always ask a bit more, but it really did seem like Wonwoo was okay with it.

“We’re going tomorrow.” He reminded him, gently.

There was another pressing subject in his mind and... well, since they were right here, all alone, maybe they could finally talk about it too.

“How… how are you feeling then? With all of this.” Seungcheol asked, waving a hand around the room, hoping his son would understand.

Seokmin’s adoption, Seungkwan’s feelings and Jeonghan’s workload.

Seungcheol had been messing up as well, just now he had noticed how many house chores he had no idea how to do.

He had been flawed as well, and it was only fair to admit it.

Wonwoo was never one to criticise, especially on Jeonghan or Seungcheol, he was extra careful with words, not wanting to hurt their feelings.

“I understand Jeonghan-appa is busy with work, but I-” He bit on his lower lip, struggling to finish the sentence. Seungcheol understood him, he felt the same way.

“I miss him.” Wonwoo whispered, and Seungcheol beckoned closer, so he could pull him into a hug.

They were all alone now, so Wonwoo didn’t need to pull out the I’m-a-teenager-now card with him. 

Seungcheol knew better.

Shy as he was, Wonwoo took a step closer, then another one, and _then_ he leaned into Seungcheol’s chest, wrapping his arms around him.

“I know, bud. I miss him too.” Seungcheol sighed, hugging him back. The smell of Wonwoo’s grape shampoo hitting his nose right away, his son’s hair tickled his chin as he leaned down to pull him a bit closer. “We’ll work it out, yeah?”

When had he grown _this_ tall? He faintly wondered, feeling a pang of nostalgia wash over him.

He remembered that one time for Jeonghan’s last birthday that all of the adults managed to gather and celebrate, and he had gotten slightly drunk and he had cried, because he realised he wasn’t able to pick his son up anymore.

(Next morning he had tried and almost succeed).

Jihoon kept mocking him for that one.

Wonwoo pulled back, giving him a small reassuring smile and it made Seungcheol feel a little better at himself.

“Wonwoo-yah.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He said, just because he wanted to, because he liked to remind him. Wonwoo went a little pink at that, which was his usual reaction to blunt declarations like these.

Seungcheol almost cooed out loud at his reaction (he didn’t though, he didn’t want to push his luck and get him embarrassed), but he did wonder how would Wonwoo react to the first time a boy or a girl decided to confess to him.

He’d probably malfunction. 

“Love you too.” Wonwoo whispered, albeit a little embarrassed.

And Seungcheol decided it was enough cheesy talk for today.

“Okay then, let’s get going.” Seungcheol started, clapping his hands together in enthusiasm. He pocketed his phone and car keys, he had his wallet too, maybe he should bring another coat though—

“Appa…”

Wonwoo was staying there, unmoving and a little anxious and Seungcheol just _knew_ that something was off.

“What is it, baby?” Seungcheol asked, stopping from where he was wrapping a scarf around his neck.

Wonwoo chewed on his lower lip, eyes trained on the floor.

“Can we stay?” He asked in a whisper. “I’d… I’d really like to go out with you, but I kind of missed just… being home.”

There was a beat of silence and Seungcheol pulled off his scarf altogether, smiling up at Wonwoo.

Of course.

This wasn’t a surprise at all, but for some reason it hadn’t crossed Seungcheol’s mind until now.

“But we wouldn’t… I mean, I was planning to take you to the arcade and for us to eat in that restaurant that you like,” Seungcheol started.

Wonwoo seemed undeterred though, only smiling softly at him.

“You sure this is fine?” He asked, not being able to shake off the feeling that Wonwoo was asking for his sake.

He always felt that maybe _this_ wasn’t enough for Wonwoo, but the boy was afraid to speak up his mind.

Besides he was thirteen already, surely it wasn’t _cool_ anymore to stay in doors and play video games with his dad until the sun rose, but Wonwoo kept acting like it _was_ and Seungcheol felt awed.

What did he do to deserve this child?

Sometimes his heart ached from how much he loved him.

“Yes,” Wonwoo assured him, and from the way he smiled at him, Seungcheol found it difficult not to believe him. “This is perfect.”

***

“Goodnight, Wonwoo-yah.”

Jeonghan slowly closed his son’s bedroom door and took a deep breath, all done for today.

He had managed to help with homework, make dinner, _and_ put down the boys to sleep before ten pm, he’d definitely would count this was a win.

As he turned off the lights and made it inside the bedroom, he all but dropped on the bed, exhaustion taking the best of him.

Both Seungcheol and Minghao were working on a project together, so his husband would be home around three am, as he had said.

The only thing that brought Jeonghan some comfort, it was knowing that at least Cheol would have some company and they could look after each other, but their deadlines were a bit crazy sometimes.

He should probably shower and tidy up the room before going to bed, but…

The duvet was so soft and comfy and it had Cheol’s perfume on it so it was tempting to just nap over the covers until his husband arrived.

Jeonghan’s hand gently traded over the cotton, suppressing a yawn.

He still remembered when he was seventeen and he could stay up late and get up early and it was _nothing_. But now… at the ripe age of twenty six, he wondered why the day wouldn’t just _end_ at one pm.

The first tendrils of sleep started to creep into his lazy haze as he heard socked footsteps heading his way.

Hadn’t he _just_ put both of the kids to sleep?

Jeonghan suppressed a groan and commanded his stiff limbs to respond, he was most definitely exhausted, _but_ he was whipped for his children so.

He was sitting cross legged on the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, when Seungkwan entered.

Jeonghan figured it’d be him, since the boy (and he had just noticed this a few days ago) didn’t like falling asleep when one of them wasn’t home.

“Where did appa go?” He asked, sounding wide awake for someone Jeonghan had put down to sleep just a few minutes ago.

Warmth creeped into his chest at the boy worried expression and Jeonghan patted the next so he’d come sit down next to him.

Unlike Wonwoo, Seungkwan had _immediately_ started calling them _appa_ , ever since that meeting when he had found out he’d get adopted. And the boy was very affectionate towards them, except when… well, when he remembered about his mom.

But Jeonghan didn’t want to dwell on that right now.

“He’s working late today, baby.” He explained gently and Seungkwan made a small humming noise, taking Jeonghan’s hand and then his arm, to pull him close.

Jeonghan complied, lying down instead and hugging the boy to his chest.

He’d get all cuddly during the night and at times like this, Jeonghan remembered how worthy was all the things they went through as he adapted.

This had been hard, even harder than it had been with Wonwoo and Jeonghan hated the comparison.

All kids were different and Jeonghan knew that better than anyone, but… he often found himself at loss of what to do and things had been spinning out of control.

If Seungcheol’s bruise was anything to go by.

“Is he mad at me?” Seungkwan asked with a pout, seemingly thinking about Seungcheol as well.

Jeonghan’s heart broke at the thought, he didn’t want Seungkwan to feel guilty, he wanted him to be happy here.

“No, baby, he’s not.” Jeonghan assured him, rubbing his back up and down, hoping to give him some comfort. “We know you didn’t want to hurt him.”

“I didn’t,” He whispered, sounding like crying, but Jeonghan shushed him, not wanting him to cry when Seungkwan was this close to falling asleep.

“I know.” Jeonghan repeated, letting Seungkwan hide in his chest.

He faintly wished that Seungcheol was here.

Jeonghan kept wondering if the boy was happy here, if he felt loved, if he loved _them_ , and sometimes it did, but sometimes it didn’t and he was confused and frustrated and—

“Appa,” Seungkwan whispered, shifting in the embrace to hug him tighter. “Thank you for adopting me.”

Silence.

Jeonghan’s breath might have hitched, but he wasn’t entirely sure.

Suddenly Jeonghan was wide awake, not knowing what to say, what to reply to that, had Seungkwan really said that? And he must have taken some time to think it through, because then Seungkwan’s breathing had gone even, signalling he had fallen asleep.

Jeonghan stared at the ceiling.

He hadn’t turned off the lights, he hadn’t changed into his pyjamas, only a few minutes ago he was about to nap on his bed and then Seungkwan had come inside their room to tell him _that._

It seemed unreal.

And he wished he could tell Seungcheol, maybe Seungkwan _was_ happy here, but he didn’t know how to express it, or maybe happiness just wasn’t that simple to obtain.

Jeonghan took a deep shuddering breath, closing his eyes and trying to focus on the facts.

Things could be alright.

Adjusting was hard.

Sometimes Seungkwan seemed happy here.

Time would make it better… and he hoped that wasn’t a lie he kept telling himself.

Seungkwan whined in his sleep, cuddling on his side and hugging him tight and Jeonghan’s eyes almost glazed over.

If he ever thought that doing this was not worth it, he’d remember this moment to give himself some courage.

_Thank you for adopting me._

And that’d be enough for him.

***

“Where are we going? This isn’t the way home.”

For the first time in _days,_ Seungkwan and Jeonghan found themselves all alone in the same place.

It wasn’t an accident.

The tension was palpable, even more when Seungkwan decided to speak in that accusatory tone of his, one he had been using a lot lately.

Especially towards Jeonghan.

“You picked me up early from school too.” Seungkwan added, sounding softer this time.

Jeonghan knew it was pathetic to consider this as an accomplishment, but he did. They weren’t yelling or fighting or crying (last time they talked, they did that a lot).

So _yes,_ maybe he had low standards, but he had just had one of the worst weeks of his life lately, cut him some slack.

His heart felt at ease knowing that they were just in their car, a soft ballad playing in the radio and only ten minutes away from their destination.

This wasn’t an ordinary trip, but Seungkwan didn’t know that yet.

“It’s a surprise.” Jeonghan replied, turning on his left to head to the airport’s domestic terminal.

Seungkwan looked skeptical, eyes fixing on the road instead, the building disappearing in front of them as Jeonghan entered the parking lot. It broke Jeonghan’s heart, but he willed himself not to get mad at him, he felt like he had betrayed his baby’s trust.

And now was the time to make it better.

“Appa, why aren’t you at work?” Seungkwan asked, reaching out to tug at his sleeve, but stopping himself before he could.

Jeonghan’s heart squeezed at the sight.

Seungkwan was the most affectionate of their kids and Jeonghan missed hugging him and pinching his cheeks and kissing the top of his head.

And apparently his son felt the same, until he remembered he was mad at him.

“Truth is… I took a few days off, Seungkwannie.” He explained, as he parked the car. At his side, Seungkwan clutched his school bag to his chest, his attention snapping back to him. This time, he wasn’t able to hide the surprise. “Just to be with you.”

“Oh.” Seungkwan replied, and Jeonghan didn’t miss the way his cheeks got a little red. “Just me?”

Jeonghan took a deep breath, this was the most that he had gotten out of him since monday, and he knew he was still walking on eggshells, but at least they were having a decent conversation for once.

“Yes, just you.”

Well, Cheol and the kids would join them tomorrow, but that was the _other_ part of the surprise so Jeonghan couldn’t tell him that just yet.

Silence reigned as the engine went off and Seungkwan kept his eyes on the ground, looking both disoriented and uncomfortable. Jeonghan couldn’t help the pang of guilt that invaded him, not knowing how to react to that, he _wanted_ to spend time with his son, but what if Seungkwan didn’t want to? What if he was too hurt?

Their vacation plan didn’t consider one of the kids not wanting to go, so he wasn’t exactly prepared for that kind of situation.

“Come on,” Jeonghan prompted gently, causing Seungkwan to break down from his stupor, scrambling out of the seat.

Seungkwan had missed the bags on the backseat, so the first thing Jeonghan did was to take them out, handing one over to his son and hanging the other one over his shoulder.

“How long are we going?” Seungkwan asked, curiosity taking the best of him, and Jeonghan didn’t blame him for that one, he was being very secretive about this. “Why do we need so much clothes?”

“The place we’re going… it’s not close.” He explained, and Seungkwan gingerly received his suitcase. “And we’ll be there for a week.”

“A _whole_ week?” Seungkwan asked, mouth forming an O as he looked at Jeonghan.

“Yes.” Jeonghan gave him a fond look. “A whole week.”

The boy frowned, eyes traveling around the parking lot, only stopping as he spotted a sign.

“Gimpo International Airport.” Seungkwan read, sounding more confused with each word he spoke. “Appa…” He started, voice full of uncertainty.

Okay, this was it.

He couldn’t possibly hide it anymore, could he?

Jeonghan looked at the sign too, chest filling with a sense of dread.

“We’re going to Jeju, Seungkwan.” He said, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

“Jeju,” Seungkwan repeated dubiously, tilting his head one way, reminding Jeonghan of a confused puppy.

It was endearing to see him try to figure this out, and Jeonghan would usually explain, but now… he wanted to wait it out.

Jeonghan knew that doing this meant something… that this trip would bring consequences. Apart from some alone time with Seungkwan.

But maybe it was the moment to have _this_ talk anyway.

“We don’t know anyone in Jeju,” Seungkwan stated, sounding certain. “We haven’t even been there.”

 _Yes, you have_.

“I know,” Jeonghan said gently, knowing it was a lie, that Seungkwan did know Jeju.

The truth would be exposed soon though and Jeonghan was getting prepared for that.

He extended his hand towards his son, and in response, Seungkwan’s eyes were shiny as he looked up at him, he was still hurt, it showed, but his baby reached out to take his hand anyway, following in silence.

As they made their way inside the airport, Jeonghan could only brace himself for what would happen now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I'm so sorry for the long wait, this chapter was really difficult for me to write, I dwelled on it a lot to convey what I wanted. Also as some of you might know, this was supposed to be one giant chapter (like 45k words or something like that), but I kept working on it and it'd be too long for one chapter only.  
> I don't know if this chapter turned out to be what you expected, so I'm curious to know what you think about, so if there's anything that caught your attention, I'd really like some feedback on that <3 (if you're shy, my curious cat it's Wish_us_luck).  
> (Thank you for all the encouraging words through twitter and curious cat, you're the sweetest!!)


	3. Jeju

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, the rating went up a bit (spoiler alert, jc make out) and there are new warnings so take those into account before reading.  
> ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: if you want to understand the ending better, I highly recommend you to read the entire series (or at least Bad Hair Day), before reading this chapter.  
> Enjoy!

“He’s going to be okay." 

At his side, Seungcheol reached out and squeezed his hand, a small reassurance, but it didn’t manage to calm Jeonghan’s rapid beating heart.

Luckily the doctor’s office was empty, which made sense since it _was_ a weekday _and_ nine am.

It gave them a small sense of privacy, and they needed that right now.

Jeonghan’s eyes kept inevitably traveling to the closed door, where Seungkwan and the psychologist were.

He _would_ be okay, not just because Seungcheol said so, but also because he knew this was for the best.

They needed help, and although they often thought that time and their parenting skills would usually do the trick with every problem that might arise, they quickly realized that this time, that wouldn’t be the case.

Hence this visit.

Both Seungcheol and Jeonghan had requested the morning off from work to come here.

It had been the fourth time for Seungkwan to come, _but_ the first one for both of them to be here.

Jihoon had come with him once, and then Minghao.

The last time had been with Jeonghan.

“You think she’ll ask about… _you know_.” Seungcheol waved a hand. “Don’t you think we should know a little more?” Seungcheol asked and even though he didn’t specify, Jeonghan already knew what he meant.

They had talked about this a million of times.

The story about Seungkwan’s family wasn’t unknown (like Wonwoo’s was), and Jeonghan and Seungcheol feared that Seungkwan would carry with that on his shoulders at the tender age of five.

They had a few details, not _names_ , because it had been a closed adoption, but still… it was enough for them to know that that information was for them to keep.

It wasn’t even _enough_ information to actually conjure something up, if you asked Jeonghan, but if the psychologist asked… he guessed they’d tell her, if they deemed fit.

“I think we know enough.” Jeonghan said tiredly, leaning on Seungcheol’s shoulder, with their hands clasped like this though, he felt a bit better.

“Is it okay? That we don’t ask a lot about his mom?”

Jeonghan took a deep breath.

“I don’t know.” Maybe they should ask, maybe they shouldn’t ask at all. “That’s why we’re asking for help.”

Seungcheol hummed in agreement.

And then they waited.

At least, from the sounds coming from inside the small office, Seungkwan sounded relaxed, talking from time to time.

Laughing.

Hyekyo-ssi had been a recommended by Sojung, one of Jeonghan’s most trusted colleagues, so he had been one hundred percent sure that she could be trusted.

He only worried that _they_ might have been wrong this whole time.

Trying to handle this situation the wrong way.

He felt a brief squeeze on his hand again, and blinked, he hadn’t noticed he had his eyes closed, waiting for the forty five minutes to go by.

“I think they’re done,” Seungcheol commented gently.

And just as he did, the door opened, revealing Hyekyo and Seungkwan.

“Seungkwan, how about you draw something in the meantime?” She asked, pointing at a small table, filled with blank paper and crayons. “Your parents and I will be talking in private for a while.”

Jeonghan squeezed Seungcheol’s hand one last time before standing up and entering the room, pressing a kiss on Seungkwan as the boy went to draw.

Seungcheol did the same, and in a matter of seconds, the three adults found themselves all alone.

“I think we haven’t met, Seungcheol-ssi,” She said, smiling warmly at him. “I’m glad that both of you managed to come this time.”

Then she proceeded to summarize Seungkwan’s process and progress so far, highlighting his strengths and weaknesses, which were accurate, if you asked Jeonghan about it.

“Now, about his mother.” She started and Jeonghan braced himself, he really wanted to hear a second opinion about this whole thing. “Why do you think he waits by the door?”

Jeonghan was pleasantly surprised that she asked for their opinion first and he hummed in thought before replying, gathering his thoughts.

“I don’t think he’s ready to let go that part of his life.” He commented. “I… as far as we know, he shouldn’t even remember her. He was left in the orphanage when he was two.”

Seungcheol looked at him and continued.

“We’re… worried about how this is affecting him.” He said. “We understand that adjusting is hard, and we have another child as well, but we’re worried that this… might not pass with time. That it’ll always be like this.”

 _I’m afraid that he will never love us_ , Seungcheol had told him once and Jeonghan thought that was a pretty accurate way to describe his feelings.

He was terrified of that too.

“Considering the adoption, the sudden change of one orphanage to another one, a new brother, new parents, new school. He’s going through a lot.” Both of them nodded, they knew. “I think that maybe he’s not ready to deal with the loss of his mom, because he’s got a lot to worry about right now.”

Jeonghan had thought that things might be overwhelming for Seungkwan, but it hadn’t hit him just how _deep_ could it be.

Not until now.

“He’ll grieve for his mom, in his own way. In his own time.” She suggested. “You can stay by his side as he does. It’s the best that you can do for him.”

Jeonghan thought that made sense.

They’d let Seungkwan deal with everything on his own pace.

Give him as much as space as he could need.

They could do that, they mostly were anyway.

“What if… what if he brings up the subject himself?” Seungcheol asked and the psychologist just smiled kindly in response.

“If anyone knows how to handle that it’s you.” She said, Jeonghan had to admit that after weeks and weeks of doubting themselves, hearing this just… felt reassuring. It made him feel a lot better. “No one knows him like you do right now, no one _loves_ him as you do.”

Jeonghan’s heart squeezed in his chest.

“You’ll know when to wait and when to push, when the time comes.”

Seungcheol and Jeonghan exchanged hopeful looks.

They could do that, they always did.

They’ll always will.

“Parental instinct exists for a reason.” She added. “You need to trust yourselves on this.”

*** 

“Not hungry?” Jeonghan asked, although he already knew the answer.

It wasn’t about hunger nor the liking of the food, it was about Seungkwan still being upset.

He was upset during boarding, then the flight, then not so much during the landing (because he got scared), and then _still_ when they made it to the hotel room.

And now _here_ , for lunch. 

Seungkwan kept picking on the rice, without actually eating it and Jeonghan placed his chopsticks down, causing a small _clink_ against the table.

The hotel was a lot fancier than he would have gone for, but since the kids had taken care of the booking, there wasn’t a thing he could do about it now.

Both Mingyu and Soonyoung had told him that he didn’t need to worry about giving back the money, but Jeonghan didn’t like for his dongsaengs to take it upon them to make the perfect vacation.

 _He_ had fucked up and _he_ had to make it right.

It wasn’t much about pride as it was from force of habit.

He and Seungcheol were the oldest ones from their group, and they somehow struggled with the concept of receiving help.

They took the concept of _parents of the group_ everywhere they went, to be honest.

He had also decided that it’d be the best not to eat in a restaurant, just in case a scene would end up happening between them, like last time… but Seungkwan was acting the opposite.

He was quiet in a way that unnerved Jeonghan.

He expected _quiet_ from Wonwoo, not from his middle son.

“Appa,” Seungkwan asked, sounding wary and the tiniest bit exhausted. His legs were swinging under the table as well, and Jeonghan knew that was one of his nervous tells. “Why are we here?”

Jeonghan wasn’t hiding anything from him, he hadn’t meant to be this secretive about this trip. It was just… he thought it’d be good to give Seungkwan some space.

Let him choose when and how to approach this situation.

Truth was, he was only trying to give back some of the control Seungkwan thought he had lost.

He thought Seungkwan might need that.

“I wanted to remind you how special you are to me.” Jeonghan said, feeling the smallest sense of accomplishment at the shy smile he got in return.

It seemed like _ages_ since Seungkwan had smiled to him like that.

“But why here? I mean… it’s pretty,” He quickly added, because Jeonghan knew Seungkwan hated to sound ungrateful. “But… don’t you miss appa?”

He still didn’t know how to reply to the first question (and maybe he could wait Seungcheol, so they’d approach _that_ subject together?), so he was glad Seungkwan had added another one, and that was something Jeonghan could reply to.

“More than anything,” He really did, and he was painfully aware of how broken it sounded, but he wasn’t lying.

It had only been a few hours and his last contact with Seungcheol had been two hours ago, to let him know they had arrived safely.

He wished Seungcheol were here.

And he wasn’t afraid to act vulnerable in front of Seungkwan, or any of his children.

“Your brothers too.” He added, tone gentler this time, he wished he could cuddle Chan to sleep and hug Wonwoo, but…

“Me too.” Seungkwan admitted, looking down.

Jeonghan’s heart warmed at the statement, he knew that they all loved each other, despite everything that had happened, but seeing a proof of it today of all days, it made him feel calm.

Still, this trip was only starting and Jeonghan was eager to make this right again.

“Try to eat some more,” Jeonghan said gently, after a small pause. He didn’t want to sound too authoritative, but he was still Seungkwan’s parent, and it was way past their usual lunchtime.

Seungkwan took a deep breath, for a moment looking like he wanted to say something else, maybe remember _why_ he was pissed, but he didn’t.

He just picked up his chopsticks again and ate in silence, all while Jeonghan decided to give a proper example and eat as well.

Jeonghan couldn’t help but think that being here would feel any different.

He thought that maybe it’d renew his energy, that he’d feel braver.

That he’d be able to look at Seungkwan in the eye and that he could tell him the truth about his origins.

Or maybe that he could just explain to him why he had been acting this way lately.

With Seokmin, with his kids, with Seungcheol.

Jeonghan took a deep breath, he _thought_ that being here would make him feel any different, but apparently not.

It wasn’t Seoul nor Jeju, it was Seungkwan. And him.

He had been wrong.

Seungkwan was still mad.

He needed to make it better.

He waited until both of them were done with their food and offered a smile to his son.

A talk was in order, they couldn’t possibly delay this any further.

“Seungkwan,” He asked, gently, eyes fixed on the window, and even further away, the sea. “Want to go to the beach?”

 *******

Jeonghan wished everyday was like this.

Sometimes their house was filled with the sounds of children’s laughter and the smell of homemade food, cuddles and kisses.

And today had been one of those days.

It was just an ordinary Sunday, everyone on their pajamas after they ate dinner and took baths, Jeonghan with a dozing Wonwoo next to him, and Seungcheol holding an equally exhausted Seungkwan to his chest.

Their couch might not be large enough for the four of them, but they didn’t care.

Not when for the first time in _weeks_ , they finally felt like a family.

Not that Jeonghan didn’t know they were… not that he could pinpoint an exact second anyway, but this was a nice day.

Seungcheol had made them all pancakes, and the kids had played around the house, Jeonghan had read them a story and now they had insisted they wanted to watch a movie, but both kids had fallen asleep in the moment they pressed play.

Jeonghan was endeared.

He didn’t even dare to speak, just in case this was an illusion, an actual dream. Something he thought had, but hadn’t actually earned.

They had made efforts, but were they enough? Were things suddenly okay now?

He didn’t want to be too ambitious, too hopeful and naive.

“Don’t overthink it.” Seungcheol’s soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Jeonghan turned towards him, still caressing Wonwoo’s soft hair. “Let’s just… enjoy it as it is.”

He didn’t even _say_ anything out loud, but Seungcheol must have known.

Of course he did.

They’ve been _craving_ for a uneventful day for weeks, and now that they had it, Jeonghan felt both joyous and appalled.

Joyous about _now_ , but appalled because… would they get another one of these days?

How about tomorrow? Or next week? Wonwoo’s birthday would come soon and they—

“Baby,” Seungcheol insisted, reaching out to hold his hand. “It’s okay, we’re okay.”

In their TV screen, the vampire character of Hotel Transylvania was finally realizing she was in love and at the same time the human had left for good.

Jeonghan muted all the sounds.

Everything was fine.

Seungkwan was snuggled into Seungcheol’s embrace, thumb on his mouth and a peaceful expression, and next to him, Wonwoo slept _soundly_ , for once.

Jeonghan dared to look into his husband’s eyes and smiled, reaching out to hold his hand as well.

Seungcheol’s hands were always warm, and Jeonghan squeezed his fingers, already feeling calmer.

Maybe they wouldn’t get another uneventful day in weeks, but he’d take this one.

He’d cherish it for today and he’d gather courage for tomorrow.

He had his family to join him either way.  
  
***

It turned out that Seungkwan hated the feeling of sand on his shoes (Jeonghan could relate a little), so instead of going directly for a walk on the beach, they sat on a bench, looking at the sea.

It was absolutely stunning.

Jeonghan had never been to Jeju before, he couldn’t believe that this sight was only an hour and a half away from Seoul (by plane, but still).

Such a shame they didn’t have the resources to make trips like these more often.

Although Jeonghan would give up traveling without a second thought if it meant having his three babies, so he wasn’t complaining.

He just wished the circumstances of the trip weren’t like this… yes, it was Christmas, but the end of the year had come in a rush and Jeonghan regretted many things.

He regretted how he had handled Seokmin’s arrival.

And his workload.

And how lacking he had been as parent lately.

At his side, Seungkwan’s eyes stayed glued to the floor, seemingly unaffected by the beautiful landscape in front.

It didn’t surprise Jeonghan.

What did surprise him though, was the sudden realization that Seungkwan had been with them for four whole years.

He was _already_ nine, almost ten.

It was like he had just blinked and the boy had gone from falling asleep on his arms, to be one of the stars in the drama club at school, his little class president.

His mouthy, sassy, smart, considerate little boy.

So mature for his age.

He had his way with words too, and he read other people’s emotions the best of all three of their children.

Jeonghan had always been proud of him.

Seungkwan was almost always right about everything.

And that definitely worried Jeonghan the most.

Because not only Seungkwan had the ability to see right through his shit, he was also _not_ even afraid to call him out on it.

 _I won’t tell appa you flirted with Hansol’s uncle if I can choose the ice cream flavors,_ was just an example.

Which worried him the most about that was that… Seungkwan was right about the whole Seokmin issue.

He really did make his son feel like he didn’t want to adopt him.

He was a bad parent.

He made Seungkwan think like he loved Seokmin more.

He wasn’t sure he could _ever_ forgive himself for causing this.

The sound of an annoyingly loud idol song interrupted his brooding and even before he pulled out the phone from his pocket, he knew who was the caller already.

_Soonyoungie._

Channie had set that song as a personalized ringtone because _he wanted to know when uncle Soonie called_.

Silence hung between them as Jeonghan pulled out the phone out of his pocket. At the same time, he didn’t miss the way Seungkwan’s eyes followed the motion, noticing the name on the screen.

He wasn’t about to pick up and make Seungkwan think that this was about Seokmin _again_ , so he quickly rejected the call.

Jeonghan really hoped that it wasn’t urgent.

“I’ll call him later.” Jeonghan said, hoping to somehow fill the awkward silence.

“Why won’t you answer him?” Seungkwan asked, in a small whisper.

 _I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you_ , he wanted to say, but Seungkwan didn’t let him.

“What if he needs anything? What if it’s _urgent_?”

Jeonghan was suddenly dumbfounded.

Did Seungkwan _want_ him to pick up then?

“I just don’t—”

“I’m… I’m a really bad person.” Seungkwan blurted out and then got up, before Jeonghan could say something.

The boy was up from the bench in a second, running towards the beach, seemingly without direction.

Jeonghan watched him for a moment, a heavy lump starting to form in his throat.

 _I’m a really bad person_.

What had made his boy say something like that?

Jeonghan immediately got up to chase him, just in time to see him fall face first.

Directly on the sand.

Jeonghan winced.

In any other occasion, he’d have laughed a little, maybe they’d have laughed together, but when he approached the nine year old, his face was covered in dirt and he was crying, his tears glueing the sand even more.

Jeonghan was heartbroken.

“Baby—”

Seungkwan shook his head, not even trying to get up, just sitting there, sniffling miserably.

The dam had broken, but it didn’t matter.

Jeonghan was right here this time.

“Baby, talk to me, okay? I just—”

Seungkwan scrambled into a standing position and started running _again_.

“Seungkwannie, _wait—_ ”

“You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my real dad!” Seungkwan yelled and Jeonghan stopped in his tracks.

His mind was suddenly blank.

Had he just… maybe he hadn’t heard correctly.

He thought that hearing _seems like you love him more_ would be the most painful thing that Seungkwan could ever say to him, but he was wrong.

 _You’re not my_ real _dad_.

Jeonghan’s eyes filled with angry and sad tears, but he still stepped forward, reaching out to him.

“Leave me alone!” Seungkwan cried, frantically wiping at his cheeks with his sleeve.

He couldn’t stop crying and Jeonghan was afraid he might start and never stop.

“I don’t love you, just leave me alone!” He repeated.

Jeonghan let that one sting, probably because deep down he knew he deserved it, but mostly because maybe Seungkwan needed to say it out loud.

“You’re not my real dad!” Seungkwan yelled, choking on his own tears.

Jeonghan still didn’t move, it was like he was numb from the pain, he didn’t feel anything at all.

But if he knew something, if there was something he was actually one hundred percent sure about, he’d try it to convey it on the next words.

“I—”

“ _Don’t—_ ”

“I love you, Seungkwannie.” He said, tone soft and gentle, caring eyes looking towards his son.

Seungkwan sniffled, clearly taken aback by the words, but his eyes stayed fixed on Jeonghan’s.

Jeonghan willed himself to calm down and be the adult here.

His son needed him, he needed his dad.

Jeonghan wouldn’t disappoint him again.

“I know you’re mad at me and you’re hurt, and I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry, baby.” He said, trying not to let his voice waver, Seungkwan deserved to hear this. He had to, he needed to. “But… did you stop loving me because of it? Don’t lie,” He asked softly.

There was a moment of silence, and Jeonghan faintly registered the sound of the ocean waves.

Seungkwan looked down, and he didn’t look _mad_ anymore, just hurt and sad. And Jeonghan could make it better, he knew, but his son needed to let him.

He didn’t reply, he only shook his head.

Jeonghan felt brave enough to take a step forward and reach out to cup Seungkwan’s cheek, eyes filling with tears when their eyes met.

“I can get mad too, and hurt by something you do. I’m only human after all. But there’s just… one thing I’m absolutely sure about.”

He gently tilted the kid’s chin up, smiling at him.

“I’ll _never_ stop loving you. Nothing can make me change my mind about that.”

“But, appa,” He whined. “You’re not my—”

“You might not be biologically mine,” Jeonghan interrupted gently, since he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the _real/not-real_ comparison again. “But you’re my son. You’ll always be my son.”

 _That_ seemed to break Seungkwan because he took a step closer, tears starting to roll down his cheeks again, and he let himself be pulled into a hug.

Jeonghan had never been more relieved.

He hugged him tight against him, afraid he might lose him, suddenly afraid because he _almost_ lost him, due to his own actions.

“But appa,” He whimpered, when the crying had subdued a little. ”I was mean… I was mean with Seokmin and… now with Un-Uncle Soonyoung, what if he needs anything and you won’t reply? You… you told me we were supp-supposed to help our friends.” He whimpered and Jeonghan just let the tears roll down his cheeks as well.

He couldn’t help it anymore.

This was taking a toll on him as well.

How was he supposed to keep a straight face when his baby was crumbling in front of him?

It was impossible.

“You’re not a bad person, baby. Don’t ever think that about yourself.” He slowly and gently cleaned his cheeks, pressing a kiss there. “You’re one of the most wonderful kids I’ve ever met. You’re so emphatic and sweet and smart.” He listed, smiling when Seungkwan tearfully did.

By this point, he was crying too, but he couldn’t care less.

This was what they both needed.

“I love you, I love you, I _adore_ you and I always will.” Jeonghan said and Seungkwan sniffled a little, pressing his face against Jeonghan’s chest in an effort to pull him even closer. “And I understand if you can’t forgive me right away, but… please if anything like this happens again, don’t go through this alone, okay, baby? Please promise me.”

Seungkwan looked up, he had always been a messy crier, and today of all days… his face was red and wet with tears and he still had traces of sand behind his ears, Jeonghan still leaned in and pressed a kiss on his nose.

“ _Appa_ ,” he whined, still a little tearfully. “Of course I forgive you… and I do promise, but I… I didn’t mean—”

_you’re not my real dad, why didn’t you adopt him instead, leave me alone_

Even after all of that, Jeonghan couldn’t bring himself to get mad at Seungkwan.

He had been hurt, yes, but his only instinct was to protect him from himself, to make it better for his son.

“I know,” Jeonghan shushed him, smiling warmly at him. He fixed Seungkwan’s hair too, it felt like ages since they had last hugged and Jeonghan didn’t want to let go.

“I love you.” Seungkwan said, as soon as Jeonghan pulled him in for another hug. “I really love you, appa,” He repeated, wet and broken.

 _Genuine_ , and that was all Jeonghan cared about right now.

“I love you too, baby.”

***

 _Everyone,_ okay, not everyone, but Jeonghan, Seungcheol _and_ Wonwoo knew of the importance of _the_ panda figurine.

It was just a small, regular looking, _panda_ porcelain made, figurine.

Location?

Living room.

More _specific_ location?

Bookcase, top shelf, right next to his parents’ graduation pic. 

The panda figurine was Jeonghan’s.

Wonwoo knew that much.

It wasn’t like their house was filled with ornaments, and that’s why Wonwoo knew (even before Seungcheol and Jeonghan could tell him) that that little _tiny_ thing was important.

And Wonwoo had confirmed his suspicions when only a few months after he had arrived, he had almost shook the shelf (entirely by accident) and the figurine had slid down, almost dropping to the floor.

Just when he thought he’d get scolded, Seungcheol (the only one in the house back then) had flinched, and then when _Wonwoo_ flinched, he relaxed into a smile, rushing to reassure.

 _It’s okay, Wonnie_ , he had said, _let’s be careful around that, yeah? It’s important to Jeonghannie-appa_.

And time had passed.

Now… Wonwoo never forgot Seungcheol’s words.

And right now, standing in front of the _broken_ figurine and a stunned Seungkwan, Wonwoo’s heart filled with a sense of dread.

Okay.

 _Okay_.

This wasn’t so bad.

Both of them exchanged looks, it was not like things had been simple between them… it wasn’t like things had gone _well_ , Seungkwan kept pushing him away.

But Seungkwan was only five! It hadn’t been his fault. He probably didn’t know the figurine was important…

Actually Wonwoo didn’t know _why_ it was important, but he believed in Seungcheol’s words anyway.

And! _And_ , Wonwoo didn’t even know _how_ the figurine ended up on the floor! What was Seungkwan even doing?

Seungkwan slowly and gently kicked the remnants of porcelain under the bookcase and Wonwoo tried not to freak out.

(Or cry, for some reason he felt like crying).

Okay, Seungcheol and Jeonghan were upstairs, there was time to fix it! Maybe he could tape it, or—

“That won’t work!” Wonwoo whispered, but Seungkwan only kicked again, trying to hide the broken pieces under the shelf. Wonwoo’s frustration grew a little. “ _Stop_ , we should—”

He must have been too focused on Seungkwan, because he totally missed the footsteps coming their way.

Which meant he also missed Seungcheol, standing in the living room, just a few meters away.

“Appa.” Wonwoo said, as he turned, heart hammering in his chest. He looked between the broken figurine, Seungkwan and Seungcheol’s stunned expression and he swallowed hard.

The question was obvious in Seungcheol’s eyes.

“Boys,” Seungcheol started, voice straining a little. “What happened? You guys okay?”

Okay, this was it.

Wonwoo should fix it, take the blame, that’s what a good hyung would do.

His cheeks burned as he looked up at Seungcheol, but he gathered the courage and managed to speak.

“I… actually it was my fault, appa, I was—”

“Hyung did it!”

 _What_.

That wasn’t supposed to be it.

Wonwoo turned to look at Seungkwan, appalled by his brother’s words.

How could he say that? He didn’t do it!

Well, _he_ could say it, but not Seungkwan, that was unfair—

“Hyung did it, appa!” Seungkwan _repeated_ and Wonwoo’s belly twisted with anger, cheeks burning.

How could he _think_ of doing something _nice_ for Seungkwan, when he got _this_ in return?

It was unfair!

“I didn’t!” Wonwoo replied, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“You did!”

“Boys.” Seungcheol looked confused, but he still stood between them, raising his hands. “It’s okay, I—”

“I didn’t do it. I swear, appa, I—”

“Yes, you did. Don’t lie, hyung!”

“I didn’t do it, shut—"

And Seungkwan managed to sneak between Seungcheol anyway and—

And he _pushed_ him.

Chaos ensued.

Wonwoo felt into his butt, frustration and sadness building up, as tears threatened to leave his eyes.

At some point he faintly heard Jeonghan entering the living room with a urgent _boys, what happened?_ and then Seungkwan was crying and running upstairs and then he couldn’t hear Jeonghan’s voice anymore, nor Seungkwan’s crying and…

His palms burned.

His back too, but he felt a knot on his throat and that hurt even more than everything else combined.

Seungkwan had pushed him, _hard_.

He had said it had been _his_ fault and that was a lie.

“Baby, are you okay?”

Seungcheol.

Seungcheol was talking to him.

Wonwoo blinked again and dared to look around, heart thrumming in his chest.

Right, the figurine had shattered, Seungkwan and Jeonghan had left the room.

Seungcheol was _still_ there.

“Shh,” Seungcheol said, cleaning _tears_ from Wonwoo’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. Tone gentle and caring even though his appa’s eyes had glassed over too. “It’s okay, baby. I promise.”

What was okay? Wonwoo didn’t know. But at the same time he knew it wasn’t.

It wasn’t okay.

Wonwoo shook his head, hiccuping as he tried to breathe.

He _tried_ to make it right, but he _couldn’t_ , how was he supposed to know it wouldn’t work?

Wasn’t he supposed to get mad about the figurine too? It was _special_ and Seungkwan had broken it, like it was nothing!

And then he _lied_!

“Appa, does—does he hate me?” He asked, and Seungcheol’s hand faltered, his fingers shaky as he caressed his cheek. “Am I a bad hyung?”

Seungcheol looked sad too, like he was about to cry.

“I thought—he liked me at first. But he—”

Seungcheol knelt in front of him and pulled him to a hug.

It was tight. Too tight.

But Wonwoo didn’t fight it, he just slumped in his hold, his crying intensifying.

“I’m—I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry that we’re—that I’m so lacking that—” Seungcheol choked on the words, and Wonwoo didn’t dare to look up.

His chest hurt, too much, even when he cried.

Crying was supposed to help feel better, but it was making Wonwoo feel even worse.

“But, appa, I’ve done _everything,_ I don’t know what else to—”

Seungcheol held him close, his chest heaving as he tried to breathe. 

And between the comforting words and the warmth and the hug, Wonwoo might have missed what Seungcheol told him after that.

*** 

The revelation came unexpectedly, and even though Jeonghan and Seungcheol had planned to talk this through during the trip (if they deemed fit).

Seungkwan had surprised Jeonghan, once again.

After the talk they had at the beach yesterday, things had calmed down between them.

They had both taken showers and they cuddled the rest of the afternoon, watching an animated movie about dogs with superpowers or something like that.

And today, they had decided to start the day with a morning stroll.

Jeonghan had always walked at a more leisurely pace, so Seungkwan had been walking a few steps ahead, and he suddenly had stopped in front of one of the street food stalls.

“Want to try the black pork?” Jeonghan had asked, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder. “They say it’s—”

“Appa.” Seungkwan had said, with a calm thoughtful expression. “I’m from Jeju, aren’t I?”

Jeonghan had stayed in silence for a few moments.

There was no point in lying now.

It didn’t make any sense and it’d be against everything that he believed in.

So he admitted it.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Oh.”

And now here they were.

Jeonghan had bought him a few meat skewers after all, but Seungkwan had gone silent.

This… was being easier than he thought. Well, it wasn’t the _Jeju_ revelation per se he was more worried about, it was… Seungkwan’s mom.

The two of them inevitably came together.

Jeonghan really wished that Seungcheol could be here to support him through this, but the conversation couldn’t wait.

“Appa,” Seungkwan started gently and Jeonghan knew what was coming already.

He had been dreading and expecting this talk ever since they adopted Seungkwan.

(Although he had never felt fully prepared anyway).

“I must have a...” Seungkwan swallowed. “A mom out there, right? And another dad. A biological one.” 

It must have been a shock, but not even Wonwoo had brought up this conversation before.

And Channie didn’t even understand _why_ they couldn’t be their “real” parents anyway.

This talk was a first for Jeonghan and now he was obligated to have it.

“Yes.” He said, watching as Seungkwan looked into the market, the people passing by.

“It could be one of the people that we saw.” He commented and Jeonghan took a deep breath. “Or maybe they moved out, didn’t they?”

Jeonghan turned to look at him, Seungkwan didn’t look sad, he just looked… thoughtful, calm.

Maybe he was more mature than Jeonghan thought.

He should never underestimate him, he knew that, but this was a good reminder.

“Do you think that I… that I can meet her?” He asked, and _now_ he sounded fearful, as if Jeonghan might get mad with the suggestion.

And honestly?

Jeonghan thought that the suggestion would have stung a lot more, but it didn’t. Not at all.

It actually made sense.

Seungkwan wanted to know his origins and Jeonghan wouldn’t feel betrayed if he did, but… it wasn’t as simple as that.

“I think it’d be very difficult to do so, baby.” Impossible, legally impossible at least. “A closed adoption means that… we can’t actually access to that information.”

“Oh.” Seungkwan replied, staring down at his food.

And he wasn’t crying or anything, but Jeonghan still reached out, rubbing a hand up and down his back to comfort him.

This was a lot of information to process in _one_ trip and Seungkwan was taking it like a champ.

“I think I might want to know more.” Seungkwan said, raising his head and giving Jeonghan the brightest, warmest, smile. “But not now. Not yet.”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but smile.

What had he _ever_ done to deserve this child?

He was so wonderful.

Seungkwan was up from his seat in a second, as if he had suddenly reminded something very important. He literally _ran_ towards the first food stall he saw and…

“Ahjussi, I’m from Jeju!” Seungkwan said enthusiastically. “Tell me all about it.”

“Really? What part?”

“I don’t know yet!” He replied, not missing his cue. He was still smiling brightly and Jeonghan loved him. _So much_. “What else do we have? I know about the tangerines and strawberries. Can you please tell me more?”

Jeonghan let out an amused chuckle at the sight of his son, now happily talking to the vendor

He could really pull himself back together _that_ easily, huh?

It was one of the things that Jeonghan admired the most about him.

Just then, his phone chirped on his pocket, a notification appearing on his screen.

 _Pick up Cheol + kids from the airport_.

Right, he hadn’t told Seungkwan about the surprise.

He was sure that he’d love it, that he’d be delighted, because he had already told him how much he missed appa and his brothers.

As Jeonghan stayed sit on the bench and watched the vendor offering Seungkwan a package full of dried tangerines, his chest filled with pride and love towards his son.

He had to tell him that they needed to go and pick up the rest of their family to the airport, but…

“Seoul is cool too, we have lots of—”

He smiled to himself, decided to just watch him, just a little longer.

***

Jeonghan woke up with a start.

Chest heaving as he panicked, breath hitching as he lightly rose his head from the pillow, reaching out towards nothing.

He didn’t remember what he was dreaming.

There was fear settling on his gut, his stomach churning anxiously, the cold air hitting his face didn’t manage to ease down his bubbling anxiety.

For only a second, his heavy breathing was the only sound in the room.

He was _home_. His husband at his side, their kids sleeping in their beds.

Maybe he should check on them, just to make sure—

“Baby?”

Seungcheol’s raspy voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Jeonghan turned, feeling a pang of guilt as he remembered it was a weekday and he had just woken up his husband.

He hadn’t meant to.

“Jeonghannie,” The bed creaked as Seungcheol turned towards his husband, gently pulling at Jeonghan’s elbow, until he recognized the gesture, and he was pushed down gently, into a tight embrace.

Jeonghan let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and laid down, fitting himself against Seungcheol.

“You’re shaking,” Seungcheol commented gently, when Jeonghan didn’t and his hand went to his husband’s arm, rubbing up and down gently.

“I just…” Jeonghan started, his voice shaky as he tried to get the words out.

Panic kept rising on his chest, twisting and threatening to burst.

“Shh, baby. Breathe.” Seungcheol said gently, pulling him impossibly closer and rubbing his back up and down.

Jeonghan complied.

One breath in.

Out.

Another one. 

And a few more, just until Jeonghan stopped feeling nauseous.

Then he reflexively tightened the hold with Seungcheol, burying into his warmth.

This was so much better.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Seungcheol asked and Jeonghan knew it was obvious, and he _also_ knew that his husband was just talking him through it for his sake.

Which he appreciated.

Jeonghan only shuffled closer, trying to get rid of the unpleasant feeling that had crawled into his chest ever since he woke up.

Seungcheol pressed a kiss against his hair, then his temple, shushing him gently.

And an idea started to form in his head.

Seungcheol sounded _very_ awake, which was weird, because he usually took time to get out of his sleepy daze.

Ever since Seungkwan had arrived, Seungcheol had been staying up late, saying he had “work” to do, but Jeonghan knew that it was bullshit.

An anxious Seungcheol was a _restless_ Seungcheol, and that showed on his husband’s sleeping habits.

“Cheol,” he ventured, just in case.

Just because it was probably like three am, and he’d drift off if Seungcheol kept rubbing his back like that.

And he wanted something to ease down his anxiety.

“You were awake, weren’t you?” Seungcheol’s caresses faltered for a second.

 _There you are_.

Jeonghan had been struggling.

But Seungcheol had been too, hadn’t he?

Then why it hadn’t been _obvious_ , until now?

“What is it?” Jeonghan pressed gently, not looking up from Seungcheol’s chest, but reaching out to lace one of their hands.

Seungcheol took one shaky breath and Jeonghan caressed his thumb in response.

Here, in their shared bedroom, in their _home_ , under the covers, Jeonghan was reminded of that crucial night where they were both only seventeen.

When everything began.

“Do you have them too, Cheol?” Jeonghan asked and he knew he didn’t need to say that one out loud.

Nightmares.

It wasn’t the first night that Jeonghan had woken up with a jolt and a haunted expression on his face.

But Jeonghan didn’t remember waking up for Seungcheol lately… and it had been difficult lately, for both of them, and Jeonghan felt a little guilty that Seungcheol hadn’t spoken to him about his concerns.

They talked all the time, but it mostly seemed like Seungcheol was comforting _him_ , but who was comforting Cheol?

Both of them were Seungkwan’s parents, and Jeonghan didn’t find it fair to put the spotlight on him.

Seungcheol talked to him, but was it _enough_?

“Baby,” He requested gently, and he could see the moment Seungcheol’s resolve slipped, his caresses on Jeonghan’s back finally stopping for good. “Please, talk to me.”

Seungcheol shifted, burying his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder, their cheeks pressing together now.

It was stuffy like this, too warm, too _close_ , but Jeonghan didn’t mind.

“It’s… they’re not pleasant.” Seungcheol spoke for the first time, making Jeonghan’s fears come true.

So he _was_ right.

Seungcheol _had_ nightmares, and Jeonghan slept through them…

Guilty was falling short to describe how Jeonghan felt right now.

“It’s a small room… I can see him, but he can’t see me.” _Seungkwan_ , that went unsaid. Seungcheol’s breathing halted and he hugged Jeonghan close, tangling their legs together. “He’s there, and the room starts to fill with water… he starts crying and I—I try to break the glass, I try to _scream_ , or something, but it won’t—”

He drowned.

They were different from Jeonghan’s, but similar.

There was the lack of control over the situation, Seungkwan getting hurt. Something _bad_ happening to their children and they can’t do a thing about it.

It was scary in his subconscious and it was scary in real life.

Jeonghan might not remember _today’s_ nightmare, but he clearly remembered all the other ones.

They didn’t say anything else.

Jeonghan just let Seungcheol bury in the crook of his neck, his favorite position when ashamed or in need for comfort, and he rubbed his hand up and down his back.

Their marriage worked like this.

One second one of them needs comfort and the next one, it’s the other one.

A balance they struggled with at first (Seungcheol was overprotective, Jeonghan a little selfish), but now it’s has become their second nature, they know when to push, when to comfort, when to give space.

“I got you.”

And Jeonghan’s shirt may have gotten damp with tears, but he held his husband to his chest, sushing gently until they both fell asleep.

They’d come through this together, Jeonghan would make sure.

***

The rush of the airport unsettled Chan.

Their youngest was always the most sensitive of their children, and although he hadn’t almost died (Wonwoo apparently had, considering his words), he still clung to Seungcheol as soon as they left the plane until the adult complied and picked him up.

Which usually wasn’t a problem at all… but Seungcheol _was_ carrying two suitcases (Chan and his) and three bags already (Chan, his and one filled with Christmas presents from Mingyu, Soonyoung, Jihoon and Minghao, and even Jeonghan’s parents as well).

Oh, and Jackson too, Chan’s stuffed otter.

He hoped he wouldn’t drop anything.

Chan kept hiding in Seungcheol’s shoulder, whining that he wanted to leave the airport and Wonwoo…

Wonwoo hadn’t liked flying on a plane for the first time, Seungcheol learned, since his son looked _green_ , but at least he was still helping Seungcheol and was carrying his own suitcase. 

His poor babies, Seungcheol thought, first one scared because of flying and second one, terrified of crowds.

If Seungcheol could only reach for his phone to call Jeonghan and ask where he was.

That’d be perfect.

“Appa, I don’t feel good,” Wonwoo whispered, tugging on Seungcheol’s sleeve as he trailed behind him like a little duckling.

Seungcheol chewed on his lower lip, not knowing what to do.

“Oh, baby, are you going to be sick?” He asked, because Wonwoo hadn’t thrown up in the plane, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t do it now.

The thing was... Seungcheol didn’t really deal well with vomit.

Could maybe Jeonghan find them _right now_?

He had no idea this airport would be so massive, it was his first time here too.

“Need any help?”

Seungcheol had no idea how helpless he looked, because he was carrying more suitcases than his hands could hold onto, and he had a five year old clinging to his chest, besides Wonwoo, who was still clutching his sleeve.

He didn’t think he had ever been more grateful to see Jeonghan.

His husband looked stunning, healthier than Seungcheol remembered seeing him just a few days back. And he had this glint in his eyes that Seungcheol thought it meant that things had gone well with Seungkwan.

Seungkwan looked happy, holding onto Jeonghan’s gloved hand with an excited smile on his face.

He couldn’t be happier to see them both.

(And maybe Jeju was a magical place after all).

“Please,” Seungcheol choked out and Jeonghan laughed.

“What happened, big boy?” Jeonghan asked, picking up Chan from Seungcheol’s hold. He rubbed his baby’s back as his eyes fixed on the eldest of their kids.

Seungkwan had thrown himself at Seungcheol as soon as his arms were free.

“Wonnie, are you okay?” He asked, wrapping one arm around Channie and reaching out to caress his other son’s cheek.

Wonwoo looked kind of adorable all bundled up and with a red nose because of the cold, but he was certainly paler than usual.

“Hi, appa,” He mumbled, leaning into the contact.

“Oh, baby, first time on a plane, huh?”

“Can we stay on this island forever?” Wonwoo replied instead, tone deadpan.

“Poor thing.” Jeonghan cooed, pulling him close so Wonwoo would have someone to lean on. 

As all of them said their proper hello to each other, Jeonghan was able to help with the bags and Chan started to look a lot calmer.

This was looking more and more like a vacation.

(Wonwoo was still green and he probably would be for a while longer, but Jeonghan was right next to him in case he felt sick).

“Okay, boys. Let’s go to the hotel.” Jeonghan instructed, after they had finally rounded up.

“Ah! Appa, I want to sleep with Seungkwan-hyung!” Chan said, raising his hand urgently and pointing at Seungkwan. He was finally on his feet, but he kept holding Seungcheol’s hand. Tight. The youngest had clearly missed his hyung, and it warmed his heart. “Pretty please?”

“You don’t wet the bed at night anymore, do you?” Seungkwan asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

Chan pouted, crossing his arms against his chest.

“...Everyone has accidents sometimes!”

***

“No. No, no, _no_.”

Seungkwan clung even more as Seungcheol tried to hand him over to Jihoon.

Seungcheol tried to suppress a sigh.

He didn’t have time for this.

He wished that they didn’t _have_ to do this at all, but they had to and he didn't have the time.

But Seungcheol had this meeting scheduled for weeks and Jeonghan’s boss had called him just this morning to ask him if he could come to the office.

Great.

A great coincidence.

Jihoon stood there, dumbfounded, clearly awkward about this whole exchange.

Seungcheol didn’t blame him.

He had just let him know that he’d bring the kids over, and Soonyoung wasn’t even in the house either.

Way to go for a peaceful Saturday morning.

Jeonghan had left for work already (by bus) so Seungcheol had assured him he’d be fine with dropping the kids off at Jihoon’s.

Things were _not_ going fine right now.

“Come on, baby, _please_?” Seungcheol gently bounced the boy up and down. Wonwoo had already made himself at home, and he was sitting on the couch, with his headphones on. “It’ll only be a while. We’ve got work to do, but we’ll be right back.”

Seungwan didn’t let go, if anything, he clung to him even tighter.

Seungcheol tried not to panic, he really needed to leave _right now_.

“Don’t leave me,” Seungkwan whined and it broke Seungcheol’s heart to hear that the boy was even thinking that.

“Look, Seungkwannie, look at me,” Seungcheol instructed gently. “We’re not leaving you.”

Seungkwan sniffled, cheeks red from crying and Seungcheol pressed kisses all over his face, until the boy giggled, feeling ticklish.

“We could never leave you, baby.” He added, rocking him gently on the spot.

When his eyes met Jihoon’s, his friend looked amazed, lips slightly parted.

“We only need to work, okay? Just during the morning.” He added, and he rubbed a hand up and down his backs, until Seungkwan slumped on his arms. “Uncle Jihoon is very cool, he can play a lot of instruments.” He smiled, and he didn’t miss the way Jihoon rolled his eyes, cheeks warming a little.

He had always been humble and Seungcheol loved to embarrass him from time to time.

“Uncle Jihoon?” Seungkwan asked, sounding calmer.

Seungcheol almost _cheered_ , it was working.

“Yes… Uncle Jihoonie.” Seungcheol confirmed, tone gentle since he didn’t want to stir him. “He’s like a brother to me. Okay?” He added, and this time Jihoon smiled, albeit a little fondly.

“Okay.”

“Uncle Jihoon and Uncle Soonyoung have a lot of cool stuff,” He said, pressing a kiss to Seungkwan’s temple.

He wasn’t crying and Seungcheol didn’t think he had ever been more relieved.

It just didn’t feel right to leave this house if the little one was crying his heart out.

“Remember he came to see you? When you had just arrived home.” It had been weeks from that now, and Seungcheol wished that Seungkwan would have spent a little more time with his uncles, but things hadn’t been well lately and he didn’t want.... well _this_ to happen in front of Jihoon or any of the kids, really.

“Uncle Jihoonie and Uncle Soonie gave you a bike, remember?” Seungcheol rubbed his back up and down and Seungkwan relaxed in his hold, his head lolling against Seungcheol’s shoulder.

The boy nodded, little fingers reflexively clenching and unclenching on his shirt.

 _Let’s try again_ he mouthed to Jihoon, who was patiently standing in front of him.

“Remember we talked about the aquarium the other day?” He asked and Seungkwan hummed again. “There’s a fish tank here, want to let Uncle Jihoonie show you the fishies?”

Seungkwan shifted a little on his hold and looked up, nodding.

“Good boy,” He praised, gently handing him over.

“I’ll be back soon.” Seungcheol said hurriedly, he was late already, he just hoped that there wasn’t any traffic. “Be good for Uncle Jihoonie, okay?”

He hurriedly pressed a kiss on Wonwoo’s hair, then Seungkwan’s and then… Jihoon’s. 

“Ew.”

“Shut up, you love me.” Seungcheol waved a hand, he looked at Seungkwan one last time, but he seemed more interested about the fish tank than anything else, still (and just in case) Seungcheol would try to hurry to go back. “Call me if anything happens, I love you all, bye!”

He couldn’t be more grateful to have Jihoon, and even though the circumstances hadn’t been perfect, he was glad that Seungkwan was opening up more and more.

His family had a lot of love to give him, and he hoped one day Seungkwan’d let them.

***

It had to be a very rare occasion for the Yoon family to be eating out, because they didn’t like the hassle and people gave you weird looks when you had three kids and sometimes one of them cried (... not necessarily Chan, it could be any of them).

They were on vacation though, so they couldn’t possibly cook any meal.

So they had found this little barbecue place, just a few blocks from the hotel.

It was perfect.

“Appa, when are we going to buy souvenirs?” Chan asked, through a mouthful of rice, Seungcheol gently reminded him to chew and swallow properly before speaking.

Jeonghan checked on grilling meat for a moment and then turned towards the youngest, giving him his full attention as he replied.

“I don’t know yet, baby.” Jeonghan replied, smiling down at him. “Maybe tomorrow, why do you ask?”

“Because I need to bring Sungyeon a souvenir now.” Chan claimed, sighing deeply and it almost made Jeonghan laugh, how this five year old could look so serious and business like sometimes?

It was hilarious.

From the other side, Seungcheol frowned a little, surely they had heard Chan talk about his classmates and Sungyeon’s had definitely popped out more than once, but he never thought that Chan would _need_ to bring her something.

“Aw, Channie has a girlfriend.” Seungkwan gushed, putting his chopsticks down to reach out and pinch his baby brother’s cheeks.

Chan immediately pulled away, with a whiny offended expression.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Chan huffed, as if the whole idea was crazy. “We’re married now.” He added dramatically and it made both Jeonghan and Seungcheol choke on their drinks.

“Aren’t you too young to be married, sweetheart?” Jeonghan asked gently, a soft smile playing at his lips, just after recovering from the fact that his youngest was _apparently_ already married (and he had _not_ been invited him to the wedding).

“I didn’t plan it, it just happened.” Chan said, crossing his arms against his chest, as if couldn’t be helped.

Seungcheol’s eyes traveled around the table, _clearly_ all of them were curious about the whole thing, but he was the first one to ask.

“What happened?” He asked, fully expecting the _we held hands_ or _we said we were married and they we were!_ , kids were like that.

What he didn’t expect, however, was Chan’s _actual_ answer.

“The thing that adults do,” Chan said, as if it were obvious.

Silence fell between them.

“This is going to be great,” Wonwoo added, suppressing his laugh.

“Wait, baby, what do you mean?” Jeonghan asked this time, getting seriously worried.

“I did the thing Cheol-appa does with appa,” Chan said, exasperated and Seungcheol’s cheeks went red despite himself, oh my god, had their youngest caught them doing _something_ and they didn’t know? But they were so careful, they always made sure—

“What’s the thing? I want to know!” Seungkwan added, with a cheeky smile.

He was really Jeonghan's kid, wasn't he?

“Wait, no, Channie—” Jeonghan started and Chan pouted. “What are you even talking about—”

“Please, Channie, hyung _really_ wants to know.”

“I lent her my coat.” Chan said and the whole table went silent again. “That’s what married people do, right? When appa is cold, appa let him wear his coat, even when he says _you should bring your own, you brat_.”

Oh.

That was… unexpected. And also the sweetest thing Seungcheol had ever heard, in his whole life.

Their table dissolved into a mix of cooing and gushing and _pinching_ Chan’s cheeks, hugging him and telling him he was adorable and a baby and-

Seungcheol, who was just in front of his youngest, knew it before it happened.

“Aww, Channie, that’s so cute~!”

“I’m going to cry, that was adorable.”

“Channie, you’re so—”

“Guys,” Seungcheol warned.

“So cute—”

“I think you’re embarrassing him and—”

Too late.

Chan’s lower lip started to wobble and he literally _dissolved_ intro crying.

Five minutes later, Seungcheol found himself with a lap full of Chan, arms and legs wrapped uncomfortably around his middle and him crying into his shoulder, hiding there. (Didn’t matter, not like he needed his arms to eat anyway).

Seungcheol bounced him up and down gently, murmuring that he was okay, but still, Chan kept being so shy.

“Honey, we’re sorry,” Jeonghan said, rubbing on Chan’s back. “That was so sweet of you. Don’t cry, baby.”

“Yeah, Channie, we’re sorry.” Seungkwan added, with a small pout. He reached out to pat his baby brother’s back in comfort. “Want some meat?”

Chan shook his head against Seungcheol’s chest, hiding there.

“Look, Channie,” Wonwoo said this time. “Wanna see what hyung can do?”

And that perked Chan’s interest, since he slowly turned, so he was sitting properly on Seungcheol’s lap.

Wonwoo smiled triumphantly and he patted his pockets until he found a coin.

“Look at it.” He said. “Don’t take your eyes off of it, okay?”

Jeonghan looked at the interaction with a fond smile, how Seungkwan was trying so hard to make it better, how Wonwoo performed the magic trick right in front of Chan’s eyes, and how his husband had one arm around Chan’s middle part and his other hand held his.

This was perfect.

“See, and then… it’s right here,” Wonwoo “pulled” the coin off Chan’s ear and the boy parted his lips, amazed by it.

Seungcheol had taught him that one, such a dad trick.

“Woah, hyung, that was so cool!” Seungkwan said, hyping him up even more and Chan looked dumbfounded (and he hadn’t even noticed he had stopped crying).

“Ah, hyung, do it again. Again.” Chan asked, bouncing a little in his excitement. 

Jeonghan leaned back down, squeezing Seungcheol’s hand and just watched.

Things were slowly going back to normal and Jeonghan’s heart hadn’t felt this light in weeks.

He couldn’t be more thankful.

***

“I love him.”

“Really?” Jeonghan asked, sighing in relief, and then noticed how _bad_ that sounded.

He hadn’t mean it like that though, he knew Seungkwan was a sweet little boy, he really was, it was just that this… adjusting part was making them all anxious and Jeonghan and Seungcheol were both terrified that the kids (well, not kids, but Mingyu, Minghao, Soonyoung and Jihoon) and Wonwoo wouldn’t _like_ their child.

That they wouldn’t loved Seungkwan as much as they loved Wonwoo.

Since they had been having a hard time at home and Wonwoo seemed like he needed some time alone with them, they had asked Mingyu to babysit Seungkwan for a while, since Wonwoo wanted to see Spiderman.

They thought that maybe Wonwoo needed to have them all to himself, even if only or a few hours.

Jeonghan worried even more since Minghao wasn't even in the country, having left for China two weeks ago to deal with “family issues”.

So Mingyu was all by himself with Seungkwan.

Jihoon had managed pretty well for himself two weeks ago, but…

“I do! He’s adorable and he keeps talking, he’s sweet.” Mingyu assured him.

Even though the phone wasn’t on speaker, Seungcheol and Wonwoo could hear most of the conversation, and Seungcheol had sighed in relief too, he had been worried that Seungkwan was a bit too much to handle for Mingyu.

“Mingyu-yah, we know he’s handful,” Jeonghan said anxiously, chewing on his lower lip. “You sure you’re—”

“I’m fine, hyung, really!”

Jeonghan hated to be that kind of parent that thought badly of their child, and knowing that Mingyu was okay handling it made him think.

Were they the problem? Or maybe they were exaggerating? Or maybe… it was just them that Seungkwan got so upset about?

“Remember you can still call us if anything happens, okay, Gyu?” Jeonghan said over the phone.

“Appa,” Wonwoo interrupted, while Jeonghan was still giving instructions to Mingyu relating Seungkwan’s sleep schedule. “Appa,” He added, a little louder.

Seungcheol looked at him through the rearview mirror, it was weird for the kids to interrupt conversations like that, so it must have been important. He gave him a small questioning look. 

“We should… we should go with Seungkwan too.”

Jeonghan stared at him and Wonwoo felt shy, looking down.

“Well… it’s just… we’re a family and families spend time together… and-” He stopped talking, clearly embarrassed to continue. “Sorry.” He added bashfully, when neither Jeonghan nor Seungcheol spoke.

“Mingyu-yah, I’m calling you back.” Jeonghan said and hung up.

Seungcheol looked surprised, mouth hanging and everything, but then he lifted a hand to his cheek, and just then Wonwoo noticed that his eyes had glazed over.

His parents looked dumbfounded.

Jeonghan looked as moved as Seungcheol as he pocketed his phone and extended a hand towards their son.

“Baby… there’s no need to be shy, that’s so sweet of you.” Jeonghan praised, stroking Wonwoo’s palm with his thumb. “I… we, we thought that maybe you could talk to us, about how are you feeling, we know it’s been difficult so far.”

Wonwoo’s cheeks went impossibly redder at the thought of Seungcheol and Jeonghan doing this just for him.

“I... “ He thought about Seungkwan in the movie theater, he probably wouldn’t like the movie and he’d cry or throw a fit. But Wonwoo thought that he was still his hyung, and his job was sharing.

And that meant sharing his parents too.

“It’s okay, appa.” Wonwoo assured him, looking between Seungcheol and Jeonghan. “We can invite Seungkwan too, it’ll be okay.”

“You sure, baby? It’s not that we don’t want him to come, but… we’re worried about you.” Seungcheol said gently, it made Wonwoo’s eyes prickle with tears, but the boy shook his head, smiling as he looked up.

“I’m sure, appa.” He said brightly.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol complied.

They called Mingyu back and asked him if he could please drive Seungkwan to the cinema they were going and Jeonghan and Seungcheol made sure to buy an extra ticket.

Things were going well, Seungkwan arrived, they went to their seats, the movie started and they were halfway there until Seungkwan started to get fussy and wanted to leave.

Maybe it had been ambitious to think that the five year old could sit through a whole two hour movie without wanting to leave, but Seungcheol and Jeonghan (and Wonwoo) were apparently feeling faithful that day.

Since they wanted to avoid people giving them weird looks, Seungcheol easily picked Seungkwan up and left the room, Wonwoo followed them with his gaze and Jeonghan tried not to sigh.

They were supposed to watch this together and that didn’t include two family members leaving the cinema…

Jeonghan immediately reached out for Wonwoo and squeezed his hand, mouthing to him to keep watching the movie.

He didn’t need to figure that probably Seungcheol hadn’t been able to come back inside because of Seungkwan and they’d meet after the movie would end.

Jeonghan didn’t want to look disappointed or worried even though he was, not because of Seungkwan… just because they should have probably gone through all of this with Wonwoo.

They should have a better judgement of the situation and now Wonwoo hadn’t been able to watch the movie with both of them, and Jeonghan knew his son wanted to, even though he thought it’d be selfish to say it out loud. 

In the end, Wonwoo took the rest of the movie like a champ, even though Seungcheol wasn’t there.

Jeonghan was proud of him, how Wonwoo managed to master the art of being a big brother still amazed him.

And it lasted until they left the movie theater and Jeonghan pulled out his phone to call Seungcheol.

Wonwoo slowly sat down, bringing his knees to his chest and breathed, heavy and shaky.

Jeonghan had to take a deep breath himself, he was glad that not a lot of people were surrounding him, and the hallway near the cinema was almost empty.

“Baby,” He approached gently, placing a hand on Wonwoo’s back. “Talk to me.” He asked, tone firm yet soft.

“Appa.” Wonwoo whispered, hiccuping as he tried to speak. “I really—wanted to see that—”

Jeonghan didn’t speak, eyes welling up with tears, he felt so guilty, they had a chance to tell Wonwoo to go with them only, and they had decided to change their minds at the last moment.

It hadn’t been smart, if they could have just let Seungkwan with Mingyu for a few hours more…

Were they taking Wonwoo’s feelings into account like this?

Jeonghan was conflicted.

“I wanted to—to see the movie with appa too.” He whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks now.

Oh, God. They were so wrong with this.

Wonwoo was there, trying his best to keep them all together and Seungcheol and Jeonghan were nowhere near doing this right, Seungkwan was being a challenge and he certainly kept disrupting the peace they used to have, but that was okay, they wanted Seungkwan, they loved him… and at the same time, it didn’t mean they should just let Wonwoo be.

He deserved their attention too.

“Oh, baby, we’re sorry.” Jeonghan said, voice breaking. “You’re being so brave, so strong for us. We don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Appa, but I—I wanted to be good and—”

“You are, Wonnie, I promise you are.” He assured him, gently pulling Wonwoo away from the hold he had on his knees.

Jeonghan cupped his son’s cheeks and gave him a reassuring smile.

“You’re good, I promise. It’s okay if you can’t be hyung all the time, baby. You’re trying so hard, we admire you so much.”

Wonwoo’s crying had subdued for a second and now it started going full force again, Jeonghan deciding it’d be the best to pull his son into a hug.

“I know you’re trying your best, but you need… we need to give you some space too. You deserve some alone time, you can be sad or want us just for yourself sometimes and that’s okay.” Jeonghan assured him, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. “You can be a little selfish too, Wonwoo-yah. Just because we adopted Seungkwannie, it doesn’t mean we stopped being your parents.”

Wonwoo let out a little sob at that, then another one, and then he clung to Jeonghan, burying in his chest.

Jeonghan could only rub his back, tears threatening to roll down his cheeks as well.

Parenting was hard, and today of all days, Jeonghan dreaded the reminder.

***

“Appa.”

Seungcheol furrowed closer to Jeonghan, seeking his warmth and hiding further into the covers.

Five more minutes, _please_.

“Appa.”

Was he still dreaming or did this pillow feel a lot different from the one back at home?

“ _Appa_.”

Oh.

That was unmistakably, Seungkwan’s voice.

Seungcheol willed his exhausted body to react, blinking up sleepily at his middle son.

Right, they were in Jeju. Hotel room.

What was Seungkwan even _doing_ awake at this hour?

The sun hadn’t even risen yet.

He extended what looked like Jeonghan’s phone right in front of his face.

“Appa, can you unlock it? I need to make a call.” He said seriously, with a determination that shouldn’t be allowed on a nine year old’s face.

Seungcheol, still half asleep, blinked up at him _again_.

How did Seungkwan look so awake?

How did he sneak off of his hotel room without no one noticing?

“What, why?” He asked, wanting to just pull the boy in and cuddle for the rest of the morning.

It was so _unfair_ that he was up this early while they were on vacations.

It should be illegal.

“Appa, it’s private.” Seungkwan pouted, clearly offended by his insistence. “Unlock it, _please?_ ”

It took him a minute, but Seungcheol sat up on the bed, sheets pooling on his waist. Okay, this definitely sounded like one of those things he needed to look into. He also tried not to jostle Jeonghan too much, since he was sleeping right next to him, and he had been exhausted after they went tangerine picking yesterday.

His husband needed the rest.

“Okay, baby.” Seungcheol replied, not thinking too much of it and handing the unlocked phone towards his middle son, trying to see what he’d do now. “There you go.”

Seungkwan took it in his hands and he suddenly looked down, apparently he wasn’t sure what to do with it now that he had it.

Seungcheol waited for his son to speak.

He knew him well enough, he’d say something eventually.

“I…” _there it was_. “I want to apologize to Seokmin.” He admitted sheepishly.

Oh.

That was it.

Seungcheol tried not to coo out loud at that, because _damn_ , that was so sweet and mature of him.

He never thought that Seungkwan would do this _willingly_ , although he was sure that even if the boy didn’t want to do it, they’d try him to coax him out of it.

He was glad that they hadn’t.

Seungkwan was always one step ahead of them.

“Can… can we go out to talk?” Seungkwan asked, since he had left his room not to wake up his brothers, and with Jeonghan sleeping soundly in the bed… it felt wrong to wake him up as well.

“Of course, baby.” Seungcheol was definitely awake now, as gently as he could, he left the bed, picking up one of the robes they had lying around and heading outside the room.

Just by the end of the hallway, there was a large lounge, with sofas and a TV. The hallway was empty, but it didn’t surprise Seungcheol, since it was still early in the morning.

As they made it there, Seungcheol pressed a kiss to the top of his son’s head and handed the unlocked phone to him.

“I’m proud of you, Seungkwannie.” He said, heading to one of the couches and sitting down, yawning.

Now he’d wait.

He thought that any other kid might have hesitated or might have taken a while, but Seungkwan took a deep breath, as if he was bracing himself, and dialed.

As simple as that.

You gotta admire this boy’s guts.

“Hi, Uncle Jihoon,” Seungkwan started, with a small smile. “No, I’m fine, thank you. We’re good. I just wanted to talk to Seokmin... if that’s okay.”

There was a small pause and Seungcheol held his breath.

What if Seokmin didn’t forgive Seungkwan?

He had _never_ thought about that scenario.

He had just figured that things would work out, what if they didn’t?

Seungcheol tried not to show his insecurity just as Seungkwan’s eyes landed on him, and he gave him a thumbs up instead.

He needed to encourage him, how could he do that if he was having second thoughts himself?

“Oh, hi, hyung.” Seungkwan suddenly said, his heart beating overtime as his cousin finally replied.

This was it.

He needed to do it.

“I… you don’t have to say anything, just… just let me say this okay?” Seungkwan asked, taking a deep breath. Seokmin only a small confused _okay?_

It was enough for Seungkwan.

“I just… wanted to say I’m sorry for being mean to you, when you arrived and then later on. I’m not usually like that. So you can play karaoke with me and I promise I won’t get mad like I did last time. And…” Seungkwan tried to remember everything he had planned to say, this is _why_ he made lists, so he wouldn’t forget anything important. “Ah! And that there aren’t any ghosts at your place.”

Seokmin let out a small genuine laugh, and Seungkwan relaxed a little.

If he was laughing it meant he was happy, which was good, right? Seungkwan was doing good.

But then Seokmin went _really_ silent.

“Are you sure?” He asked and Seungkwan parted his lips to reply, _of course_ he was sure.

Wait, what if he wasn’t?

Seungkwan nodded to himself and decided to cover the phone, turning towards the couch until his eyes met Seungcheol’s.

“Appa, Uncle Jihoon and Uncle Soonyoung’s house doesn’t have any ghosts right?” He asked, tilting his head towards his dad.

“Ah,” Seungcheol didn’t miss his queue, adding with a deadpan expression. “No, baby, we got rid of them years ago.”

Seungkwan nodded seriously, going back to the call.

“We’re safe.”

Seokmin laughed _again_ , which was really nice to listen to.

He didn’t think he had paid attention to his laugh before… and it was pretty contagious.

Seungkwan found himself laughing a little as well.

“When we go back… um, maybe we could have a sleepover and…” Seungkwan trailed off, suddenly unsure that Seokmin would forgive him that easily.

There was a small pause and Seungkwan’s heart skipped a beat.

“I’d like that.”

“Huh?”

Wait, _really?_

“I said that… I’d like that and... I’m not mad at you."

Ah, that was... reassuring really, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Cool.” Seungkwan said enthusiastically, getting ready to say goodbye and call this a successful apology. Every person knew that only friends could have sleepovers, Junnie and Wonwoo-hyung had them all the time, and they were definitely best friends! “Wait, one more thing. One more thing.”

He had forgotten the most important thing.

“Yeah?”

This one was harder to admit though.

“I….” He chewed on his lower lip. “I just wanted to say that… it’s okay if Jeonghan-appa loves you a lot, because… we’re family, and family loves each other very dearly.”

There was a small halt in Seokmin’s breathing and Seungkwan faintly asked himself if the other boy was _crying_.

“I love you too.” Seokmin said and Seungkwan blinked his surprise.

He hadn’t expected that at all.

He hadn’t wanted that answer, not precisely, but…

_family loves each other_

And they were.

“Love you too.” Seungkwan admitted, with a small blush, it was something he very rarely said to anyone but his parents, and his brothers from time to time, but although he was embarrassed… it didn’t make it less true. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Seokmin singsonged.

And then he was gone.

Seungkwan stood there, phone in his hand, smiling a little at himself.

“How did it go?” Seungcheol asked, with a smile, as he patted on the couch next to him. He had heard most of the conversation, and he thought that it had gone well, but he still wanted to make sure.

Seungkwan slowly went over his dad, sitting next to him.

He still looked surprised, but not in a bad way, if you asked Seungcheol.

“He said he wasn’t mad, appa!” Seungkwan said enthusiastically, toothy smile making its appearance. Seungcheol couldn’t be happier. “After everything I did—”

Suddenly his smile dropped, and a sense of dread invaded Seungcheol.

“After everything I _said_.” Seungkwan’s voice got significantly lower, tone breaking. “He’s _so_ kind—”

And his eyes filled with tears.

“Oh, no, baby,” Seungcheol reached out, cupping his cheeks. He couldn’t resist and pulled him down on his lap, pressing kisses all over his face. “You’re such a brave, caring and sweet little boy, Seungkwannie. I’m so proud of you.”

“What’s going on?” Jeonghan’s rough voice interrupted the interaction, and he appeared on the lounge, the robe messily tied around his waist. “Are you guys okay?” He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Oh, baby,” Seungcheol said gently. “Did we wake you?”

Jeonghan’s gaze softened, approaching to them and pressing a kiss on the top of Seungkwan’s head and another one on Seungcheol’s cheek.

“It’s okay, I was only supposed to sleep until seven anyway. What are you two on about? Will you tell appa?”

“I was just… saying sorry to Seokmin-hyung, because I was mean to him and… might have told him there was a ghost in the house.” Seungkwan commented, giving them a bashful look.

“Really? That’s actually pretty funny—”

“ _Han_.”

“Not funny at all.”

“What appa meant,” Seungcheol said, giving a stern look at his husband (who was just smiling cheekily, by the way, what a brat). “Is that we’re really proud of you.”

Seungkwan looked between both of his parents, lower lip trembling.

“We are,” Jeonghan agreed, tilting Seungkwan’s chin up. “Now, come on, we’re freezing here. How about we cuddle for a while, huh?”

“Race you to the room.” Seungcheol called, with a cheeky smile, already running towards it.

“Choi Seungcheol, that’s unfair!”

Seungkwan was the second one to bolt off, laughter echoing the hallway as he followed his Seungcheol.

“Hey you two! You’re supposed to let _me_ win!

***

Wonwoo’s eyes were glued to the TV screen.

(And Seungcheol didn’t really blame him.)

They hadn’t had any time to play in _weeks_ , just the two of them.

And there was something else different too, they were all alone in the house as well, since Jeonghan was picking Seungkwan up from the football club they had signed him up for.

Although Seungcheol should have been focusing on pressing the right button at the right time (those red shells wouldn’t throw themselves), he just _couldn’t_.

He couldn’t look at the screen, or his joystick.

His own eyes were glued to his son.

Sometimes he still saw the seven year old in him, remembering the times where he’d go to their bed for comfort and cuddles when he got scared because of the storms.

Time _had_ passed though, and Wonwoo was nine, almost ten.

And Seungcheol was terrified.

He didn’t want to admit it out loud, but he _was_.

He never thought Seungkwan’s adapting process would be this chaotic.

As soon as they had adopted Wonwoo they had promised to each other that they’d give him a peaceful home, a loving family.

That he’d be happy here.

Seungcheol wondered if they were keeping that promise lately.

And from the little bags under Wonwoo’s eyes and his tired smile, It seemed like they hadn’t.

Wonwoo had cried his heart out these past weeks... he wanted Seungkwan to love him, he wanted Seungkwan to play with him, to share things with him as two brothers would do. 

And Seungkwan kept pushing him away (that _one_ time, literally).

“Appa, you’re distracted.” Wonwoo said quietly, from his side, only sounding a little whiny.

Their TV screen kept showing the various characters driving around and celebrating, signalling the end of the career.

Damn, he really _was_ distracted.

“I never win at Rainbow Road.” Wonwoo added thoughtfully.

“Ah, that’s because it’s a difficult one.” Seungcheol commented, not wanting to admit he was distracted.

He thought it’d be unfair to Wonwoo to say that he was, considering how little time they had spent together.

“You did choose Toad, and he’s the fastest one.” Seungcheol conceded, trying to act normal. Comforting.

Wonwoo looked unconvinced.

Truth was… last week’s movie incident kept playing in Seungcheol’s mind.

He hadn’t been there, but Jeonghan had told him that Wonwoo had cried after he wasn’t there to see the movie with them. And it had absolutely broken Seungcheol’s heart.

They were going through a rough patch as a family and Seungcheol and Jeonghan didn’t know what to do.

They had tried _everything_ and finally Seungkwan was starting to like them both, but he still seemed reluctant to interact with Wonwoo.

And maybe, Seungcheol thought, maybe they were wrong because they were putting so much pressure _on_ Wonwoo.

Seungcheol’s mind latched onto an idea.

He didn’t know if it’d work, but even if there was a small chance that talking about _this_ would make Wonwoo feel better, he’d do it.

He had said it before, he’d do anything for this kid.

That much hadn’t changed.

“Wonnie, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never _ever_ told anyone before.” Seungcheol said quietly, his voice only a little lower than the sounds coming from the TV.

Neither of them liked loud noises while gaming.

Wonwoo slowly put the joystick down, curiously looking up. The lights from the screen kept reflecting on his specs, so Seungcheol couldn’t make up his expression, but he knew his son was intrigued.

How couldn’t he?

“Not even appa?” Wonwoo asked, tilting his head to the side.

Seungcheol gave him a small smile and nodded.

Yup, not even Jeonghan.

“Come over.” He said, patting just next to him, so Wonwoo would shuffle closer.

His son happily did.

It made Seungcheol’s heart flutter, he had always thought he wasn’t very wise or smart, but every time he gave a little piece of advice to Wonwoo, he’d listen intently.

As if he were the most intelligent person in the world.

Seungcheol loved this little boy with his life.

He’d do _anything_ to make him feel better.

“What is it?” Wonwoo asked eagerly, tugging on Seungcheol’s sleeve.

“Okay,” Seungcheol took a deep breath and wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulder, pulling him even closer and pressing a kiss on the top of his head.

 _How should I do this?_ he wondered, _where do I start?_

He wasn’t lying when he mentioned that he hadn’t spoken to anyone about this.

“You know how I…” He cleared his throat, suddenly worried that maybe Wonwoo wouldn’t be mature enough to handle this.

His son was nine.

And he had been through a lot, that much was true, so maybe Seungcheol figured that he’d be able to understand this properly.

“I do have a brother.”

“Uncle Jihoon?” Wonwoo asked, blinking up at him and Seungcheol almost cooed out loud, because he knew he told the kids all the time they were.

It was heartwarming how Wonwoo thought that if Seungcheol were to talk about his brother, it’d be Jihoon.

“No, baby.” He said gently, taking another deep breath. “Um, a blood related brother. You haven’t met him.”

Wonwoo parted his lips, confusion taking over his features as he frowned.

He clearly wanted to ask a few things, but he didn’t, which Seungcheol appreciated it.

“We… he’s older than me.” He added. “We were so different, even when we were little… and we didn’t talk much.”

Wonwoo parted his lips, eyes fixed on his.

Of course that Jihoon and Jeonghan knew about him having a brother, but they knew little else.

Seungcheol had never told them and they hadn’t asked.

“Once… I was seventeen and had this big fight with my parents, hyung wasn’t living with us anymore. I was so mad at them… I actually left the house.” He explained, a lump forming in his throat just because he remembered that moment, how helpless he felt, how he should have gone to Jeonghan’s but he couldn’t, because Jeonghan was the thing they had fought about. “I didn’t know where to go and I actually thought about just sleeping on a park or something.”

His son parted his lips, as if he wanted to say something (probably along the lines of _wouldn’t that be scary?_ Or _wouldn’t you be cold?_ )

Before Seungcheol could dwell on the implications of what this would mean to Wonwoo, he decided to keep going, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to finish.

The next part was the _important_ part.

“Then hyung called.” He whispered. “I figured that my parents told him I had left. He was on his dorm, but he let me stay for the night. He didn’t ask why, just made me ramyeon and lent me his bed. We talked about lots of things, but he never did ask me what happened.”

Wonwoo was quiet, wondering if the story stopped there.

If he were being honest, Seungcheol never told Jeonghan or Jihoon about that night, because they’d have told him to go to their houses and Seungcheol knew he couldn’t.

Not that time at least.

“What I mean with this—”

“He was there for you.” Wonwoo whispered, and Seungcheol almost missed it, because the game was still playing and the music was starting to annoy him.

With that any doubts that the boy wasn’t understanding flew out the window. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan said it all the time, but he _was_ a smart one, wasn’t he?

He was mature too.

“That’s exactly what I mean, Wonnie.” He agreed and Wonwoo smiled, albeit rather shyly.

“I see.”

There was a small pause where Seungcheol wondered if this was enough… one look at his son told him that maybe he needed a little more.

This wasn’t about giving Wonwoo some advice though, it was about letting him vent.

Letting him cry.

“We… we don’t need you guys to get along, I mean—” That didn’t sound right, maybe he should have planned this next part better. “We’d love to if you do.” He rushed to add.

Wonwoo blinked up at him, trying to understand what he meant.

“You don’t have to be together all the time, or like the same stuff. You guys don’t need to share _everything_ , okay? You can like your movies and your video games and maybe find something else to have in common with Seungkwannie,” Seungcheol said, tilting Wonwoo’s chin up. “We put so much pressure on you, baby. And you’re already doing your best… I’m sure Seungkwan will love you, _so much_ , because how couldn’t he? You’re the most responsible, sweet, thoughtful little boy.”

Wonwoo’s eyes filled with tears and he tried to look down, but Seungcheol didn’t let him, caressing his chin with his thumb as he held him.

“Are… are you sure, appa?” Wonwoo asked, voice wavering and it made Seungcheol’s breath hitch too.

Truth was, he couldn’t be sure.

Maybe things would go to hell, maybe this wouldn’t work even if they wanted it to work.

“Yes.” Seungcheol said. He had never been one to lie to his children, but he’d give him hope, and he’d pray for things to work out. And he’d try his hardest.

 _But what if…_ his mind provided, _what if it doesn’t work out?_

At the immediate pang of guilt he felt, he rushed to add.

“Even if we fail, if it doesn’t work out, if anything happens—we’re together, okay? We love you so much.”

Wonwoo’s shoulders started to shake as he let out a sob, then another one. Then he threw himself at Seungcheol, hugging him tight.

Seungcheol was hit by the sudden urge to protect him, to shield him from harm.

“We love you.” He repeated, pulling him close and pressing a kiss on the top of his head.

 _We’re together_ , he meant by it and he hoped that Wonwoo would understand, if not now, then eventually.

Seungcheol would trust him too.

***

“So things went well between Jeonghan and Seungkwan.”

Seungcheol smiled a little, although Jihoon couldn’t possibly see him.

“Yes.” He confirmed, watching Chan jumping around from the pavement to the grass, quicker every time.

The boy was adorable, and Seungcheol’s eyes lingered on him for a few seconds.

He hadn’t seen him play like that in a while.

And now that he thought about it, they hadn’t gone to the park as a family in _weeks_.

They used to go all the time, but then Jeonghan had gotten even more responsibilities and Seungcheol got more projects…

“You don’t sound very happy.” Jihoon said and even though they were talking through the phone, Seungcheol could imagine his friend’s expression.

He sounded _accusing_ , but not entirely in a bad way.

Like he wanted for Seungcheol to cut out the bullshit.

Which he probably should, don’t get him wrong, but still. It wasn’t easy.

Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair, struggling with his thoughts.

“Where have you guys gone to?” Jihoon asked, and Seungcheol visibly relaxed. Even if it was for just a moment.

He was sure Jihoon would bring back the other topic later anyway.

But for now… this was _good_ , perfect.

“Teddy Bear Museum.” Seungcheol said, with a small smile. “Yesterday we spent the day at the beach, and tomorrow we’ll go tangerine picking.”

“Are you supposed to be talking on the phone in a museum? Even if it’s a… teddy bear one,” He added, with a disdainful tone.

_Just you wait until Seokminnie wants to go to Everland everyday of the year, then you’ll see!_

“No, I’m with Channie,” He explained. “We had to get out. Teddy bears and those animatronic-thingies freaked him out.”

Jihoon stayed silent for a moment.

“He got scared? Or... was it you?”

Damn, how did Jihoon do it?

“... shut up.” Seungcheol said, rolling his eyes. And before Jihoon could tease him any further, he added. “We’ve… we’ve had a great time so far. Jeju is beautiful, the boys are really happy.”

He could almost hear Jihoon’s smile.

“I’m glad.”

Seungcheol was too.

He wished that they could have vacations like these all the time, but they needed money, and even with the money, both of them had to work.

Another chance like this would be hard to get.

“How did Jeonghan even manage to escape from his crazy boss and deadline?” He asked and just then Seungcheol noticed that of course Jeonghan had asked the kids for help, but that didn’t mean that Jeonghan had told them _how_.

He could be very secretive when he wanted to.

And it was one of Jeonghan’s traits that Seungcheol still didn’t fully understand, even after all these years.

Also this was the exact topic that Seungcheol was trying to avoid before… the _one_ thing that kept nagging him about this trip.

“Jeonghan asked his boss for permission…”

“And he gave it to him? Shocking.”

“He didn’t… well, he sort of did.” He explained, Jeonghan hadn’t told him at first either, he only told him the truth when they were already here and Seungcheol could do nothing about it. If Seungcheol would have known the conditions back then… he wasn’t sure he would have agreed to this trip at all. “He did give him the week off to come here, technically… Jeonghan has to keep working, because he didn’t move the deadline.”

Before Jihoon could even say anything, he added the worst part.

“As soon as he comes back from Jeju, he’ll have to work extra time and he won’t pay him this week.” Seungcheol said, with a sigh.

He would have _never_ agreed to this if Jeonghan would have only told him the truth… but now it was too late.

“That’s—“

“Yeah, say the bad word for me, ‘cause I can’t.” Seungcheol mumbled, as Chan played just a few meters away from him.

“He’s such an asshole.”

Seungcheol just hummed his agreement.

He didn’t know what else to do.

When they had just adopted Wonwoo, Seungcheol understood that they had to work to gain as much as money as possible, but now, they were… maybe a little better.

Surely Jeonghan could find a better job, a better _boss_.

Seungcheol’s heart ached every time he noticed how exhausted his husband was.

“You know how Soonyoung told him to quit. At first I told him he was meddling too much, but now I...” Jihoon trailed off, the rest going unsaid.

It wasn’t about wanting to make a choice for Jeonghan, it was about… worrying for his health.

And Seungcheol knew.

He understood.

He would never get mad at his friends for worrying about his family.

“I have too. Countless of times. It’s not my decision to make though.” Seungcheol sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Sometimes… I try to protect Jeonghannie, but… truth is I can’t protect him from his own decisions.”

Jeonghan was strong. He was independent, had always been.

If he was working there, it was because he _wanted_ to, even though Seungcheol strongly disagreed.

“I’ve been trying to get him to realize how exhausted he actually is… how hard it’s has been for him lately, but, Jihoonie,” He took a deep breath, worry and apprehension invading his chest. “I think it’s something he needs to realize on his own. Or at least without _our_ help.”

Jihoon stayed in silence.

“We’ve done enough, now it’s his turn.” Seungcheol said.

And he could only hope that Jeonghan would come to the realization soon.

***

Breaking points had to come eventually.

This one came on a December evening, when snow fell in Seoul and it got so thick and heavy outside that they didn’t even _decide_ to stay in, they had to.

Jeonghan was actually thankful for that one, he had a lot of work to catch up on and this way they’d also prevent the kids from getting sick.

(Especially Wonwoo, since he was prone to sickness every day of the year).

“No, appa, you have to follow the recipe.” Wonwoo said with a whine, from where he was sitting on the kitchen counter, reading Jeonghan’s mom recipe book.

His eldest and husband were making hot chocolate and homemade cookies.

“What if I do this instead?” Seungcheol asked cheekily, smearing warm chocolate on Wonwoo’s cheek.

“ _Appa!”_

Jeonghan smiled from where he was working.

His boys.

He loved them dearly.

His eyes immediately traveled around the living room, until they landed on Seungkwan.

The five year old was sitting on the entryway (yes, right next to all of their shoes) with a few toys scattered around. Weeks had passed since he had arrived, and Jeonghan had already identified the entryway as Seungkwan’s favorite place of the house.

And he knew exactly why.

Apparently back into _The Angel house_ , the boy had had a spot too (Hyungwon had told him that one), where he could see the entry of the orphanage.

The truth was evident, but still hard to chew for Jeonghan.

Seungkwan was waiting for his mom.

 _Literally_ waiting, as if she’d appear one day and knock on the door.

Jeonghan had gotten worried at the sight at first, but he had learned that it was best for them to leave him stay right there than to try to coerce him out of it.

If Seungcheol’s black eye was anything to go by.

Jeonghan swallowed at the memory, his half written report promptly forgotten by now.

They had offered to Seungwan to cook with _hyung and appa_ , but he had only shook his head, saying he had _things to do_ , and he hadn’t left the doorway in an hour or so, the sound of his voice filling the room from time to time when he talked with his bear.

Jeonghan knew he should be relieved that he wasn’t crying or fighting with them, but… somehow this felt worse.

Like this peace was only an illusion.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol (and Wonwoo sometimes, but not lately) took turns to join him there and play, but sometimes he liked to be all by himself, and they respected that too.

It seemed like one of these days now.

“Appa,” Seungkwan said, and Jeonghan wondered how long he had been staring.

Besides, Seungkwan sounded like he had been calling his name more than once already.

“Appa,” He insisted and Jeonghan shook off his stupor, leaving his laptop on the coffee table and padding towards the entryway.

“May I sit here?” He asked gently and Seungkwan nodded, patting the floor with an impatient look.

Jeonghan faintly wondered what might the boy want, and at the same time he knew he was ready to give it to him.

He’d do anything to make this boy happy, and he knew that might turn dangerous with time, but he didn’t care.

Not when he felt so damn happy when Seungkwan smiled.

He’d do _anything_ for him to smile all the time, to take his pain away.

“Appa, it’s snowing outside.” He commented, pointing at the window, Jeonghan hummed his agreement, staring at his stuffed bear, the only toy Seungkwan seemed to really care about. “How will she know where I am?"

The words took a moment to properly register, and when they did, Jeonghan had to will his heart to calm down.

His breath hitched in his throat at the mention of Seungkwan’s mom.

Of course it was her, who else?

_How will she know where I am?_

Right. In Seungkwan’s mind, the snow might have make it difficult for her to make it here.

It made sense, but Jeonghan still didn’t know what to say.

What was he supposed to reply to that?

He wanted to reach out, comfort him, hug him, but Seungkwan didn’t look sad.

He just looked determined.

And that was a first.

“I don’t know, baby.” He replied, realizing as he spoke that he had no idea if he should have said that.

His mind was blank though, his hands clammy as they rested against the wooden floor.

Was he giving him false hope? Maybe he should have asked Seungcheol… not for the first time since they became parents (and even _more_ since they adopted Seungkwan), Jeonghan was hit by the painful realization that they didn’t know everything.

And that scared him.

He was scared to death to be fucking up now.

After all he and Seungcheol had gone through. After everything they had done to make Seungkwan feel at ease here.

“There’s so much snow, no one can find us here.” He explained, and Jeonghan decided to wait, hear him out.

Maybe he didn’t need to say anything.

Seungkwan frowned a little and leaned back against the door, staring into Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Uncle Gyu can’t,” He said wisely, staring at him. “Uncle Jihoonie can’t.”

Jeonghan’s heart was threatening to burst from his chest.

What did this _mean_?

He was afraid to ask.

But Seungkwan wasn’t done.

“We’re all the way here, and they’re all the way _there_.” He explained, pointing around, and it caused a lump to start to form in Jeonghan’s throat.

Oh God.

This was dangerous territory.

“She can’t come here, appa.” Seungkwan added after a thoughtful pause. “If she does, will you let her?”

Jeonghan struggled with the next one, that was tricky on its own.

Because Jeonghan knew she wouldn’t come and maybe he should have said _that_ first.

_Sorry, baby, your mom won’t come._

It was harsh, but it was the truth.

It was unfortunate and cruel, but it was the _truth_.

Seungkwan was five, but not because he was a kid he deserved anything less than the whole truth.

Still, the words died on his lips before he could say them.

It wasn’t as easy as he thought.

He couldn’t just break his baby’s heart like that.

And besides… if Jeonghan’s experience and knowledge was anything to go by, _something_ had called his attention.

Seungkwan had sounded fearful.

For once.

“Do you want me to?” Jeonghan asked instead, hoping he wasn’t ruining it.

Hoping he could actually get something out of this conversation.

Seungkwan stared at him for a long time, and Jeonghan thought the anticipation might kill him.

Wonwoo and Seungcheol were still chattering and laughing in the kitchen, but Jeonghan could barely hear them now.

What if Seungkwan said yes? It would make sense, since Seungkwan had been waiting for his mom for years, but Jeonghan thought he might have caught something and…

And he wanted to be right about this.

He _needed_ to be right, otherwise he wouldn’t know what to do.

Seungkwan looked down and and shyly shook his head.

Jeonghan almost breathed in relief.

Oh God.

Was this actually happening?

After months?

“I want to be from here.” Seungkwan added.

A conversation they had with Seungkwan’s psychologist played in his mind right way.

_He’ll grieve for his mom, in his own way._

“Ah!” Seungkwan stood up abruptly, dropping his precious bear to the floor, but he didn’t care. In a matter of seconds, he was running towards the kitchen and Jeonghan quickly followed, still dumbfounded by the whole interaction.

He couldn’t believe this.

“ _Appa_.” He tugged on Seungcheol’s sleeve, and his oblivious partner just turned around, looking puzzled.

Seungcheol looked like he didn’t understand anything (Jeonghan would tearfully explain him later), but he did recognize the plea and bent down, picking him up.

“I want to be from here,” He repeated, against Seungcheol’s chest. “I want to be here.”

Wonwoo looked between them and Jeonghan’s eyes stung with unshed tears, wrapping an arm around the confused nine year old and placing a hand on Seungkwan’s back, as Seungcheol shushed him gently.

And as he hugged Seungcheol and Seungkwan, his arm wrapped tight around Wonwoo, he thought that this might have been the turning point they were all waiting for.

He had the upcoming winter and months of effort to thank for.

***

Seungcheol said that a Christmas without watching Home Alone wasn’t Christmas _at all_.

So as soon as they ate dinner on the 24th, they moved around the beds in the room and made themselves a huge pillow fort on the floor, to watch the movie all huddled together under the blankets.

They had two rooms, one for them and the other one for the kids, but Seungcheol loved when they slept together.

It was one of their Christmas traditions.

The thing was Christmas was… that they hadn’t really _celebrated_ Christmas until they got kids.

Neither of their families did, and even when they got together they hadn’t done anything more than in any other date.

When they had kids though… lot of things had changed when they had kids.

On their first Christmas with Wonwoo, they hadn’t really done anything, just stayed in, had some nice food, watched Home Alone (Cheol’s pick, of course), then went to bed.

During the _second_ year with Wonwoo, Jeonghan had noticed something.

He had been putting together a photobook and he was appalled by the small amount of photos Wonwoo had.

And not only that, it wasn’t just about the photos, it was the memories, the celebrations, the _family time_.

Truth was, that Wonwoo had missed all those holidays over the years, all those Chuseok’s and birthdays and new years and children’s day-

So on the second Christmas, they bought gifts. And made an unnecessary amount of food. They didn’t buy a Christmas tree (they were a little low on budget back then), but they still bought decorations, and ugly matching sweaters and everything.

Their kids deserved _all_ the holidays and Seungcheol and Jeonghan would give it to them.

Which was why, even though they were all the way down to Jeju, they found themselves following one of their Christmas traditions.

But this time, as soon as they pressed play, the kids had fallen asleep one by one.

First: Channie (no surprise, he kept dozing off in all places).

Second: Seungkwan (a little surprising, since he loved to talk _during_ the movies, Seungcheol didn’t think he had ever slept through one).

Third: Wonwoo (extremely rare, he liked movies and he had always been the night owl between his brothers).

Couldn’t be helped.

Jeonghan took off the blanket from his feet and covered the kids, endeared by how cute they looked, all of them cuddling as they slept.

He would never admit it later, but Seungcheol might have dozed off as well, as Jeonghan absently caressed the hair at the back of his neck.

When the movie was over, the clock hit 11.37 pm and Jeonghan thought it might be a decent hour to wake up the children and open the presents.

“Baby, wake up.” Jeonghan said gently, reaching out to pat Seungcheol’s cheek, smiling when his husband blinked up, seemingly disoriented. “It’s Christmas.”

Seungcheol looked only a little mortified after falling asleep during his _favorite_ movie, but he recovered quickly enough.

He always got excited when it was the time to open the presents.

As Jeonghan woke up the children, Seungcheol made sure to pull up the presents that he had bought.

(He didn’t blame Jeonghan for not having time to go Christmas shopping, so he had taken care of that this year).

Wonwoo, Seungkwan and Chan looked up a little dazed after being woken up so suddenly, but Jeonghan and Seungcheol knew that if they let him sleep, they’d complain about missing Christmas, so this was the best option.

“Okay so, since we’re here, I’d like for all of us to say something we’re thankful for.” Seungcheol started, clapping his hands together. They had naturally formed a small circle and he thought that was perfect for the dynamic. “Channie, you can start.”

It was kind of corny, but they were used to do this from time to time, talking about why they were thankful, or saying nice things to each other from time to time.

Seungcheol thought him it helped them to develop their self esteem.

“Thank you for making pancakes for breakfast on Sundays.” Chan said, thinking hard, his cheeks were still a little red from his nap and Seungcheol resisted the urge to reach out and pinch them. He looked adorable. “And for telling great bedtime stories. And for dancing with me, even though it’s tiring.”

Jeonghan reached out to squeeze Chan’s shoulder with a small _well done, baby_ , and then Seungkwan was next.

“Thank you for not yelling at me, even when I yell.” Seungkwan started, a bit shyly. They all knew what he meant, but they didn’t comment on it. “Thank you for not missing any of my plays, and for always supporting me.”

He got a little teary eyed in the end, but Wonwoo had absently (or that’s what he wanted to pretend anyway) squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb up and down his brother’s palm.

Jeonghan’s heart warmed at the sight and he smiled a little.

It was his turn.

“Okay, I’m thankful for each one of you. I hope we stay together for a long time. Thank you for forgiving my mistakes,” he looked at Seungkwan and then just for a second, at Seungcheol, but he didn’t think his husband caught it anyway. “And for letting us be your parents.”

Seungcheol beamed at him, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek.

Wonwoo’s cheeks had gone red even before he started speaking, he didn’t like to do these kind of thing out loud.

He’d rather write a letter, but Seungcheol thought that it might be good for the boy to express his feelings like this from time to time.

“Thank you for accepting me as I am, and letting me become the best version of myself.” Wonwoo said and Seungkwan parted his lips in amazement.

“Oh, hyung, I want to be as cool as you.”

“Hyung is so cool,” Chan agreed, with a serious nod.

“He is cool,” Seungcheol agreed as well, chuckling when Wonwoo let out an embarrassed _appa_! “Okay, _okay_ , my turn. I’m thankful for these vacations, for the time we spent together and all the good food we ate too.” He said, eliciting laughter from all of the kids (and a smile from Jeonghan as well). “I hope you made precious memories and I hope all of us can come back here and remember this moment.”

Chan, at his side, clapped profusely and Seungcheol chuckled in response, pressing a kiss at the top of the youngest head.

Now they were done, he actually felt a little better.

“The thing was… I think I wanted to highlight that Christmas isn’t just about gifts, it’s more about how you must cherish those around you and share the-”

Jeonghan lightly elbowed his ribs, pointing at the kids, just as Chan was starting to doze off against Seungkwan’s shoulder.

It was way past his bedtime, so Seungcheol cleared his throat and continued.

“Okay then. I told your uncles not to go overboard with the gifts, but since these kids don’t ever listen to a word I say and they’re always looking for excuses to give you guys stuff…”

He pointed at the larger suitcase they had brought, it was just behind the kids, and they hadn’t even noticed it.

All the kids turned to look at it with awe.

Seungcheol was reminded of how great was to be a kid and to get excited over presents.

It was refreshing to see.

He gave all of them a fond smile.

“Open up.”

*** 

As soon as Wonwoo opened his book, he willed himself to ignore all the background noise and read.

School was usually noisy, and sometimes it got too much.

And _The Angel house_ had been too, which made sense, since it was filled with children (and he had been one of them).

But he wasn’t a noisy kid.

Ever since he was young he had learned to just block any sound and concentrate.

And it had worked pretty well so far!

The _only_ thing that didn’t help though, was Wonwoo ‘s (only) friend.

A very noisy one.

“Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo!”

Exhibit A of noise behavior: Minhyun running down the hallway in his direction.

Wonwoo took a deep breath, the last sentence he had read hadn’t even registered, he gingerly closed the book.

“Wonwoo, Wonwoo, WON-”

His eyes had just traveled to his best friend, who was just slowing down next to him (too late) and then proceeded to trip _and_ fall over him with a loud thump.

That kid really needed to control his speed.

“Ow, ow, _ow_ , what’s wrong?” Wonwoo asked, immediately patting the floor and checking his glasses. He was glad that they hadn’t broken with the force of the impact. “What is it?” He gently pushed Minhyun again, just enough to see the worried expression on his face.

Minhyun was usually loud and more usually clumsy, but he was never serious.

About anything.

(Maybe about plants vs zombies).

“Wonwoo.” Minhyun said, seemingly unbothered by falling on him _and_ for all the yelling. “Your brother is Seungkwan, right? You need to come. Come _on,"_ He insisted, pulling his sleeve to get him to stand when he didn’t react. “Hurry.” He whined and finally Wonwoo snapped out of it, leaving his book on the floor and quickly heading to where Minhyun was leading.

“What is it?” He asked, not being able to hide the confusion and worry in his tone.

What had happened with Seungkwan?

“Is he okay?” Wonwoo asked, heart sinking in his chest, what if something bad had happened to his baby brother?

How could he even tell Jeonghan and Seungcheol?

How could he be such a bad hyung to let—

“Your accent is weird.” He heard, as soon as he turned the corner to get to the little kids’ playground.

“Why do you talk so funny?” Another one said and they were like four of them, and they were surrounding _something_ , but Wonwoo couldn’t see unless he approached.

Which he did, even though Minhyun warned him not to, by a small tug on his sleeve.

“I’m from Seoul too.”

A mumble.

That had been unmistakably, Seungkwan’s voice.

He sounded so _tiny_ and he was tiny already.

He was only five.

As he got closer and closer, the kids around him naturally parted, and Wonwoo noticed Seungkwan sitting on the floor, hugging his knees against his chest.

He was crying.

It wasn’t the first time he had seen him crying, but this one infuriated him the most.

“What a baby.” One of the kids said, with a sneer, causing all the rest of them to laugh and Wonwoo resisted the sudden urge to turn around and _hit_ him right in the face.

Violence was a big no in his family.

He didn’t dare to reach out and comfort Seungkwan, even though he was standing right in front of him.

Had Seungkwan even _noticed_ he was right there?

Wonwoo took a deep breath and stared into the kid’s eyes, the one who had just spoken.

What would Jeonghan even _do_ in a situation like this?

“You’re hurting my brother’s feelings.” Wonwoo said, trying not to let fear get the best of him. He hated conflict above all things and he really didn’t want to start a fight with a bunch of kids (they looked older than Seungkwan, but maybe they were younger than him? He wasn’t sure). “Leave him alone.”

“You don’t even talk alike. He’s so weird.” Another kid added, and Wonwoo took a deep shuddering breath. “Why don’t you come back to-”

Well, Seungcheol was from Daegu and Jeonghan was—

But that wasn’t the point, was it?

 _I’m from Seoul too_.

“He’s from Seoul because all of his family is from Seoul.” Wonwoo said, shielding Seungkwan from the other boys. His heart was beating so fast, he was _so_ scared. “And that includes _me_. So leave him alone.”

He was surprised at how steady his voice sounded, and his eyes met with Minhyun’s for a second.

He really wanted some help.

Wonwoo had a lot of questions too, had they actually hurt him? He couldn’t even see Seungkwan, he wanted to look into his eyes and tell him it’d be okay, but he couldn’t move.

“You’re just as weird, aren’t you?” Wonwoo swallowed, he wasn’t lying when he talked at how bad he was at confrontation, and he had no idea what he would do if they kept picking on them, his hands were trembling already.

Oh God.

Just let it be over already.

“They’re not weird.” Minhyun broke the silence said this time, and Wonwoo was glad, because he didn’t think he could keep talking anymore. “Leave him alone, you heard him.”

Wonwoo held his breath.

Both of the kids took a threatening step towards Minhyun and the other two towards him, and Wonwoo could only stay put, in front of Seungkwan.

This wasn’t going to end well.

“Boys, what are you doing?” A teacher asked, effectively breaking the tension between them.

Everything was a blur after that, they brought them to the Principal’s office and told them to wait outside.

And even though Minhyun wanted to stay with him ( _are you sure you guys are okay?_ ), they told him to go back to class.

Wonwoo would thank him for being a good best friend later.

And he was even more glad that they hadn’t included him.

Minhyun hadn’t done anything wrong, he just wanted to protect them.

Now that they were just the two of them, Wonwoo tried to even his breathing. Jeonghan or Seungcheol would be here any minute and he needed to be calm.

He’d explain everything that had happened and things would be okay.

He could do that.

A small whimper pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Seungkwan, who kept hugging his stomach.

Oh _right,_ Wonwoo hadn’t made sure that he wasn’t hurt.

He knelt in front of Seungkwan, lightly dusting off his uniform, _why_ his clothes were so dirty was another thing he wanted to ask, but he’d wait.

Seungkwan kept covering his face and crying.

Wonwoo’s heart hurt, his chest felt heavy. He wanted to make it better, but he didn’t know how.

“Your accent it’s not weird.” Wonwoo whispered. “I actually like it. And… and I’m not mad at you. Appa won’t be either. Neither of them will be.”

Seungkwan only sniffled and Wonwoo patted his pockets, until he found a tissue.

“I’ll always protect you, Seungkwan.” He whispered, reaching out to blow his nose. Seungkwan let him and for the first time Wonwoo noticed how dirty his face was, and how flushed his cheeks were.

He must have been crying for some time.

The thought made his insides twist with anger.

“You don’t have to be afraid, because hyung will always protect you, okay?” Wonwoo said, reaching out to squeeze his hands and pulling him a bit closer, hoping to comfort him somehow.

It was okay if Seungkwan didn’t hug back, he understood, he had never hugged him anyway, so he didn’t exactly expected—

Seungkwan threw himself at Wonwoo’s arms, hiding in his chest as he wept.

This was just…

Wonwoo gingerly wrapped his arms around Seungkwan, blinking down at him disbelievingly.

 _I’m sure Seungkwan will love you_ , Seungcheol had said and Wonwoo felt his eyes sting with tears.

Maybe this actually meant that… after all he…

“Wonwoo?” Seungcheol’s voice interrupted, coming from the hallway. He sounded surprised and worried too. “Seungkwan?”

He was right by their side in a second.

“Are you guys okay?” Seungcheol started worriedly, already searching for any sign of harm on their faces. “I thought this was about…” His eyes landed on Seungkwan. “Baby, what are you doing here too?”

Well Wonwoo couldn’t exactly explain _why_ he had ended up intervening, but he was glad that he had.

He parted his lips to reply, but someone else beat him to it.

“Well, yes, apparently he broke down the fight.” The teacher said, appearing from the one of the offices.

Wonwoo looked down.

He wouldn’t call that a fight, it was four against Seungkwan. They weren’t _fighting_. But if someone had told the teacher he had done good, it was certainly Minhyun.

He’d thank him that too later.

“Oh.”

“Come inside, Mr. Choi,” The teacher said, calmly and Wonwoo didn’t dare to look up. “I’ll explain what happened to you.”

Seungcheol looked reluctant to enter the office without them, but Wonwoo gave him a smile, wrapping his arms fully around Seungkwan.

“We’re okay, appa.” He said and Seungcheol frowned a little, he was confused. 

But Seungcheol had nothing to worry about!

Wonwoo had made sure that nothing had happened to his baby brother.

And he’d always would.

Everything was fine.

***

Wonwoo was sleep deprived.

It didn’t happen often, if you asked him. _Sure_ , he did remember having bad dreams when he just got home (and sometimes when they went on vacation), but five whole years had passed since he got adopted and… and he knew that this wasn’t one of those places where he couldn’t sleep.

He wasn’t homesick.

Ever since he had turned ten and with Chan’s arrival, he had stopped coming to his parents’ bed in the middle of the night for comfort.

(Well… unless he was _really_ scared or worried about something).

The thing was… he was thirteen now.

He was the eldest.

And he had decided long ago that there were things he could solve on his own.

And he thought this sleeping problem definitely qualified as one of those things.

Then why… why was he waiting outside his parents’ hotel bedroom, knowing full well that Jeonghan was all alone inside, busy packing their things to leave tomorrow?

In the other bedroom, things were chaotic.

Seungcheol was helping his two younger brothers with their packing _and_ to get ready for dinner, so Wonwoo had silently slipped out of the room, heading down the hallway until he arrived to his parents’ bedroom.

He had had a great time in Jeju so far… but he was tired, he had been exhausted ever since they arrived and he hadn’t wanted to say anything, because he knew this trip wasn’t about him.

This was about Seungkwan making up with Jeonghan, not about him.

He hid a yawn behind his sleeve as he knocked on the door.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted, but maybe some quiet time would help him figure it out.

And quiet time usually meant Jeonghan not Seungcheol (no offense).

From inside the room, Jeonghan quietly singsonged _come in!_ and Wonwoo smiled a little, opening and closing the door behind him.

“Oh, baby.” Jeonghan said, gently placing the suitcase down. He had piles of clothes on each side of it, and Wonwoo faintly wondered _why_ they brought so many, considering they were only for a week. “Didn’t think it’d be you,” Wonwoo’s smile faltered a little and Jeonghan was quick to add. “But I’m glad.”

He patted at his side.

“Come here.”

Wonwoo shifted his weight from one foot to another, suddenly antsy about this whole thing. Did this mean that maybe Jeonghan wanted to talk?

He shouldn’t have come.

He could have walked it off.

He didn’t know if he _wanted_ to talk at all?

He hadn’t realized, but since that cereal incident back home, he hadn’t really spent much time alone with Jeonghan.

Sure they had talked, very briefly, but nothing else.

Jeonghan didn’t insist again, but Wonwoo still complied, feeling awkward standing in the middle of the room like that.

Instead of sitting though, he slowly laid down on his stomach, right next to Jeonghan _and_ a pile of socks and he pressed his face against the pillow.

(He made sure to leave his specs on the nightstand though).

His breathing had gone shallow.

“Wonwoo-yah.” He said gently, and it wasn’t a question, Wonwoo would have noticed if it were.

A whole minute must have passed, and then Wonwoo started to register the soft motion of fingers carding through his hair.

“Baby, I…”

Wonwoo felt like crying.

His stomach twisted at the worried tone his dad used and he couldn’t bear it any longer.

Jeonghan hadn’t said anything, but it sounded like an apology already.

He knew him.

 _And_ he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

Jeonghan must have caught the change of behavior, because Wonwoo felt even tenser with every passing second.

“Baby?”

 _I miss you_.

“I just… want to be here,” Wonwoo mumbled, muffled thanks to the pillow, but they were right next to each other, and Jeonghan still heard it.

He must have caught how shaky he sounded as well, but he didn’t comment on it.

He didn’t _want_ to talk, he thought that maybe he could rest, instead of just lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling…

But Jeonghan understood, he always did.

His dad took a deep breath and went silent, and _still_ as well, the bed didn’t move, the pillows next to him didn’t shift.

Wonwoo was thankful.

He already felt more relaxed, this room was quieter, but that wasn’t the only thing… something about Jeonghan had always made him felt calmer.

Jeonghan kept caressing Wonwoo’s hair and it took less than five minutes, and the boy had drifted off.

He must have been exhausted, Jeonghan thought.

He wouldn’t lie, he was worried about Wonwoo.

This whole situation had taken a toll on the eldest, just like when Seungkwan had arrived.

Wonwoo had always had the same tells, he’d sleep less, he’d go quieter and he _always_ got even better grades at school.

It was like he was trying to tell them _no need to worry about me, I’m fine!_

Jeonghan knew he wasn’t, and he knew it was unfair that people thought he were, just because he was the eldest.

But at least Jeonghan knew that Seungcheol had talked to him before they’d come here and that as soon as things got a little calmer back at home, his boy would be alright.

He was strong.

And they’d be there to talk and comfort him if he needed.

And he had wanted to apologize too, but Wonwoo hadn’t exactly let him.

Jeonghan figured that it’d make Wonwoo feel like this was about him and not about Seungkwan, but it _was_ about him too.

He had been affected by this whole thing, they all were.

His hand stilled in his son’s hair for a moment, examining his features, he looked so calm when he was asleep, it made him look younger.

Still, he couldn’t miss the small bags under his eyes and it made Jeonghan’s stomach churn with guilt.

He wanted to make it better for all of them, and he knew he had to take one step at a time, but it was so painful to see them suffer.

And all because of him.

Even though Seungkwan might have forgiven him, Jeonghan didn’t think he was ready to forgive himself.

Not until things were right again and time had passed.

“No! Let _me_ hold it!”

Ah. Chan 

“I _won_ , I get to hold it!”

Seungkwan.

They were one room away, but the walls were thin, and before Jeonghan could text Seungcheol and maybe tell the boys to keep it a little quieter, since Wonwoo was asleep, the thirteen year old was stirring awake, blinking up at him.

He looked so cute, with cheeks flushed and a dazed expression.

It had only been twenty minutes or so, but Jeonghan was glad that he had been able to rest.

He looked like he needed it.

“Sorry, baby.” Jeonghan gave him a small smile, fixing his sleep mused hair. It was really a shame, maybe he could have squeezed in some more minutes before dinner if the boys weren’t so loud. “Do you want to stay here?” He asked, just in case, but Wonwoo shook his head, yawning as he rubbed his eyes. “Then let’s see what they’re up too, shall we?”

Wonwoo might want to talk about this whole thing, but Jeonghan wasn’t about to pressure him any further.

He took it as a win that Wonwoo had come to him on his own, he wasn’t about to ruin it.

They headed to the other room, the sounds of the boys only intensifying as they opened the door. They met the (usual, but still surprising) sight of Chan and Seungkwan arguing for what looked like Seungcheol’s ipad.

Jeonghan tried to suppress a sigh.

He didn’t even know why Seungcheol brought that?

His eyes met with his husband’s for just a second, and Seungcheol smiled shyly, then continued with the packing.

Damn him, just because he was cute.

“Halmeoni, look what I bought!” Seungkwan hadn’t even noticed that Jeonghan and Wonwoo were inside the room, he was too busy showing one of the bears he had picked to the screen.

Ah.

That’s what all the excitement was about.

“I want to talk to her too,” Chan whined, pushing Seungkwan out of the way to no avail.

“Boys,” Jeonghan warned gently, passing by to press a kiss on each head. “You can share, remember?”

Immediately whines with _appa_ and _not fair_ started and Jeonghan bent down, enough to see the screen.

“Hello, eomma.”

“Jeonghannie,” She said, frowning a little and Jeonghan already knew what was coming. “Have you been eating properly? You look thinner—”

Before Jeonghan could even reply to that, Chan pushed at his cheek so he’d move out of the way, toothy smile in display.

“Halmeoni but you talk to appa all the time,” He whined again and Jeonghan couldn’t help it but chuckle. “It’s not fair.”

They were so fond of her.

Not that Jeonghan didn’t relate.

But he knew that the boys hadn’t talked to her in weeks, so he waved at the screen and left Seungkwan and Chan take over instead, heading to the other bed and snuggling with Seungcheol instead.

He loved seeing his family interact.

“We went tangerine picking too!” Seungkwan commented, his little feud with Chan promptly forgotten as he held one of the fruits, giving enough space for his brother to appear in the screen too.

“Yes, tangerine picking!” Chan said excitedly, totally messing with the _tangerine_ pronunciation, but he was cute and he tended to talk faster when he was eager, so they let it slide. “I’ve got the biggest one.”

Seungcheol’s arms had wrapped around his waist the moment he had sat down on the bed, and he leaned back into his chest, watching the boys talk with their grandma.

They told her about the museum, and the beach, and the barbecue.

Wonwoo didn’t interact once, just sitting on the opposite of the bed, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully.

Jeonghan was about to ask him what was wrong, when Chan suddenly brought a small package in front of the screen and held it in front of it.

“Wonwoo-hyung bought something for you!”

“I didn’t! Shush!”

And that was what it took for Wonwoo to appear in front of the screen as well, covering his brother’s mouth with a flushed expression.

Wonwoo _always_ bought _everyone_ souvenirs, and Jeonghan and Seungcheol had noticed this when they had gone to Busan a few weeks after he got adopted and he had only brought matching keychains for both of them (Jeonghan had _not_ cried at that) and nothing for himself.

After gently insisting him that he _could_ buy things for himself too, he had gingerly picked out a book (being back at Seoul already, but it was the thought that counted), thanking them profusely for it.

It was always like this, he’d buy candies for Soonyoung, or artsy stuff for Minghao, handicrafts for Jun, or tea for Jeonghan’s parents and so on.

“But you did—” Chan insisted, muffled through Wonwoo’s fingers.

“ _Appa_ ,” Wonwoo whined, pouting.

He hated to be put out in the open like that.

Poor boy, they had interrupted his nap, and now this.

“Channie, your hyung would appreciate it if you keep that as a secret, huh?” Jeonghan said gently, since Wonwoo seemed too embarrassed to say it himself.

“I’m really sowwy.” Chan mumbled, and Wonwoo slowly let him go, if he thought that by acting cute Wonwoo suddenly would forget it he was… probably right.

“Okay, boys,” Seungcheol appeared behind Chan and picked him up. “Sorry, eomeoni, we’ve got to keep on packing and then eat dinner.” He said with a apologetic smile, pressing a kiss on top of Chan’s hair.

“But, appa,” Seungkwan whined and Seungcheol kissed him too, ruffling his hair gently.

“Say bye to halmeoni, okay?” Jeonghan now said, waving too at the screen, it was messy, but his mom could actually all five of them, and Jeonghan always loved the fond look his mom gave to the children.

Seungkwan and Chan finally complied, dissolving into a giggling mess as they blew kisses and waved their goodbyes at the screen.

Before they could end the call though, Jeonghan gently squeezed Seungcheol’s shoulder and gave him a look.

Seungcheol understood right away.

“Right boys, let’s pick up the clothes for dinner, okay?” He asked, carrying Chan and leading Seungkwan away from Wonwoo and Jeonghan.

“Bye, eomma.” Jeonghan also blew a kiss at the screen and pressed another one on the top of Wonwoo’s head, leaving him alone with the ipad in his hands.

He had been wanting to talk to her, Jeonghan could tell.

Wonwoo watched both of his parents leave somewhere else in the room, and his younger brothers followed suit.

Just an hour or so ago, he had been in Jeonghan’s room, to try and get some sleep and now…

“Hi.”

The thing was… his grandmother knew him the best.

Wonwoo had no idea how she did it, it’s like he hadn’t even _talked_ to her, but she could already sense his distress.

Must be some grandmother magic thingy.

So he was more than a bit uncomfortable when he was left all alone in front of the screen.

“Are you okay, love?” She asked in a whisper, and Wonwoo thought she might have sounded gentle so no one could hear, but he thought that maybe she had always been a bit softer for him.

She was smiling too and Wonwoo almost cracked right away.

She was good.

She was even better than Jeonghan, which made sense, because someone must have taught him.

Wonwoo’s eyes traveled from his parents, to his brothers.

“Yes, we’re fine.” He whispered, with a small smile, his eyes coming back to the screen right away.

He had been able to sleep, just a while, and Jeonghan was right there for him.

And Seungcheol had his back too.

Seungkwan wasn’t mad and Chan was the same as always.

He hadn’t really noticed… but the lump on his throat had disappeared after he woke up.

Huh.

“I’m fine.” He said, smiling when he did. And it was genuine this time, he was happy.

Happier than he ever remember being, these past months.

They were together, what else could Wonwoo ever need?

***

“Shh."

Seungkwan immediately covered his mouth, nodding.

Wonwoo had been preparing this for _weeks_ , he couldn’t let Seungkwan spoil the surprise, otherwise it would all have been for nothing!

And certainly his brother padding into the kitchen practically _yelling_ about why everyone was still asleep didn’t help his case.

It was parents’ day today and Wonwoo was prepared.

He had made a cake. With buttercream decorations and everything (Uncle Mingyu had helped him with that), he had made coffee too (he had no idea why adults loved coffee that much, but it wasn’t _his_ day) and he had a gift.

(And he had written a letter too, but he was embarrassed for that one, so he’d probably deliver that one later on).

He hadn’t considered waking Seungkwan up because they hadn’t… exactly gotten along, until last week.

And he had planned this for a _whole_ year, he didn’t want _anything_ to go wrong.

He could do it by himself, he didn’t need any help.

“Do you _not_ know what day is it today?” Wonwoo asked, pressing his index finger to his lips, to make his point. If they woke up _now_ , it couldn’t possibly work.

Seungkwan tilted his head, looking confused and just then it hit Wonwoo.

Every orphan knew about parents’ day.

How couldn’t they?

He took a deep calming breath, that had been very insensible of him.

“Sorry,” Wonwoo said, it was just… he had been preparing this for _so_ long, he only wanted it to work. “It’s parents’ day.” He explained gently and Seungkwan blinked up at thim.

Apparently every orphan _didn’t_ know about parents’ day.

Seungkwan acted like he had only heard about it now.

Which made Wonwoo feel a little better, but not that much. He wasn’t being very nice to Seungkwan right now.

After everything that had happened in school last week…

He still remembered Seungkwan’s face with traces of dirt and tears.

It made his skin crawl, although after that… he finally felt like they could get along…

The beep from the coffee machine pulled him out of his thoughts, right, everything was ready. Now he just needed to carry this upstairs and… 

“Hyung,” Seungkwan said, climbing into the kitchen counter to get a closer look at the cake, it was light green with _happy parents’ day_ written in yellow icing. And he had made some flowers too. “Can I help?”

It warmed Wonwoo’s heart to hear that, maybe he should have let Seungkwan help after all. How was he supposed to know that he wanted to though?

“Um,” Wonwoo looked around, it was pretty much all set up. He had the trays with the breakfast (not like he expected to go with the two of them upstairs, but he couldn’t possibly tell Seungkwan to carry one), he had the cake and the gift…

“What is this?” Seungkwan asked, picking up the small package that was right next to the cake.

Wonwoo’s cheeks went red with embarrassment.

“I… I bought a gift.”

“ _Woah_ , hyung. You’re rich!” Seungkwan said, with amazement. “How did you buy this and made that?” He asked, pointing at the cake.

“I have savings,” Wonwoo replied after a moment, as seriously as he could.

 _And Uncle Minghao helped me too._ But Seungkwan didn’t need to know that, he’d be cooler this way.

And he _did_ have savings, so he wasn’t lying.

He had bought matching phone charms with carnations in them, since he didn’t have enough money to buy actual flowers.

Besides, flowers got dry! And the phone charms would last forever.

Which reminded him… he knew how Seungkwan could help. But he needed to be quick, he didn’t want Jeonghan and Seungcheol to wake up.

“Come here,” He instructed softly, patting on the seat next to his, when his brother did, Wonwoo went to pick up the (fake) flowers he had made at school.

(He had kept them on a shoe box, so they wouldn’t get stepped on by accident and they wouldn’t get any wrinkles).

As he pulled them out, he realized they were just fine.

Seungkwan let out an _oohh_ in amazement and Wonwoo smiled a little, sitting next to his youngest brother.

“These represent red carnations.” Wonwoo handed one over. “You give them out for your parents on parents’ day,” He added, as Seungkwan gently leaned against him, engrossed with Wonwoo’s explanation. “You place it on the left side of their chest, like this.”

Seungkwan’s eyes followed the action and Wonwoo smiled again.

“You can do this for Jeonghan-appa,” He entrusted, giving it back to him. He had thought he’d have a hard time sharing _his_ gifts, but as he talked with Seungkwan, he realized he didn’t really mind. “And I’ll do it for Seungcheol-appa, okay?”

“Really, hyung?” Seungkwan asked, worried that Wonwoo might have given him too much of a responsibility. 

“You’ll do great, I trust you.” Wonwoo asked, and he didn’t know what drove him to it, but he leaned in, pressing a kiss on Seungkwan’s hair.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol did that all the time, and it was a nice reassurance.

Seungkwan went _really_ still for a second and Wonwoo wondered if he might have ruined the moment with the gesture.

“Thank you, hyung,” Seungkwan said, smiling at him, cuddling closer to Wonwoo and then looking up. “So should we do it now?”

Right, otherwise the coffee might get cold or they could wake up.

“Let’s go.”

In the end, he carried the cake (as carefully as he could) and Seungkwan took the gift and the fake flowers.

The coffee and the rest of the breakfast could wait for later, since these two were the most important surprises, Wonwoo thought.

When they made it to the second floor, Wonwoo managed to slowly open the door with his foot.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan didn’t move from the bed.

“They’re asleep.” Seungkwan commented, in a small whisper.

“Yup.”

“But it’s _so_ late.”

“Because they’re tired.” Wonwoo explained gently. “Jeonghan-appa works until four and he’s the only… _psychologist_ in his company,” He said, struggling with the pronunciation. “And Seungcheol-appa works until six or eight, depends on the project he’s working on. Sometimes he doesn’t sleep.”

Seungkwan stared at his brother, mouth slightly agape.

“I also… turned off their alarm for today.” Wonwoo added, with a sheepish smile.

....

What about it? How else was he supposed to make sure they wouldn’t wake up?!

Besides, he thought they deserved the rest.

Wonwoo liked it when his parents let him sleep a little longer.

And... he just _now_ realized why he cared so much about the surprise and everything being perfect.

He just wanted to say _thank you_.

And he couldn’t be happier that Seungkwan had decided to do it with him too.

“I just… they’re working hard to take care of us.” Wonwoo explained, and Seungkwan just stared back, looking at the adults with awe.

He loved them too, and if he didn’t, Wonwoo was sure he’d love them eventually.

They were the best parents in the world.

“So we can take care of them too.” Wonwoo concluded, smiling. “That’s what families do.”

***

“There you are.”

Seungcheol’s voice came from somewhere behind him, but Jeonghan didn’t move.

The sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks was almost too loud, but Jeonghan liked it, it gave him some peace of mind.

He had been here for an hour or so now.

Just sitting in front of the sea, watching the stars.

You could only see a few from Seoul, but right here… it was beautiful.

Only a few more steps and Seungcheol dropped on the sand, next to him.

It was cold, _very_ cold, but Jeonghan for once didn’t care.

He appreciated the reminder that they were somewhere else, it made him feel more alive, somehow.

“Hey you.”

Jeonghan didn’t move, although he smiled, keeping his eyes fixed on the horizon. Right where the sea met the sky.

It was late, but it wasn’t _that_ late and Jeonghan worriedly looked up, remembering—

“Wonwoo’s got my phone, and they’re watching a movie. They’ll be fine. Wonwoo-yah will call us if anything happens.” Seungcheol explained, even when Jeonghan hadn’t said a thing.

Lots of things went unsaid between them, and Seungcheol was glad, but lately… he had been thinking that maybe they should start talking a it more.

Jeonghan let out a small “ah” in acknowledgement, shoulders relaxing.

Seungcheol opened his jacket and before Jeonghan could even ask him what was he doing, his husband pulled out something from his inside pocket.

“Here.”

It was a bottle of soju, Jeonghan recognized. 

“Is it—”

“Strawberry, yes.”

Jeonghan looked up at him, giving him a small private smile.

“Thank you, baby.”

Seungcheol pulled another bottle for him and started drinking, in a matter of minutes his cheeks and nose were red from the cold, but he didn’t dare to say anything.

Just maybe until Jeonghan did.

The trip was already ending and Seungcheol dreaded to go back to Jeju with some unfinished business here.

He wanted things to be normal between them again, but he didn’t know _how_ , he didn’t know where to start.

Jeonghan looked thoughtful, as he wanted to drink the view in, and even though they were only a few steps away from the hotel, it felt like they were in their own universe.

Seungcheol gulped down the last of his bottle and sighed.

Jeju was beautiful, wasn’t it?

He didn’t even remember the last time he had been at the beach at night, how calming was the sound of the ocean.

He probably was a teenager the last time he did this.

When silence dragged on, Seungcheol turned to look at his husband.

He had downed half of the bottle, and he wouldn’t say anything.

Seungcheol’s heart was threatening to burst from his chest.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol blurted out, he just couldn’t resist himself from asking. Not if there was the smallest chance that Jeonghan _wasn’t_ okay and he wasn’t saying anything because he didn’t want to worry him or something like that. “Would you tell me if you weren’t—”

Jihoon’s conversation kept playing in his mind and he was hit with a sudden wave of worry towards his husband.

Jeonghan smiled, albeit a little tiredly, but it seemed genuine.

“I am. I promise I am.” Jeonghan assured him, reaching out to cup Seungcheol’s cheek.

The gesture caused electricity to go down to Seungcheol’s spine and he stilled.

Jeonghan’s fingers were freezing against his warm skin and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him.

It was like he hadn’t seen him in days.

He just wanted to memorize every inch of his skin once again.

Seungcheol was about to scold him for not wearing any gloves (and maybe offering his), but then Jeonghan gently swept one of his thumbs over his cheekbone, so tenderly that the words died on Seungcheol’s lips before he could recite them.

“I missed us.” Jeonghan whispered, so freaking close to Seungcheol that the small puff of warm air hit his lips as he got closer.

 _I missed us too_ , Seungcheol wanted to say, but he didn’t think he could resist any longer, so as soon as Jeonghan’s forefinger and thumb grabbed his chin, Seungcheol met him halfway in a kiss.

Jeonghan let out a small sound at the back of his throat.

He had missed this. So much.

Seungcheol thought that this was how breathing must felt like after almost drowning, it had to be as great as this, as wonderful.

He was warm all over and when Jeonghan pressed against him a little more and their shoulders pushed against each other, Seungcheol sneaked a hand to wrap around his husband’s waist, all while they kissed.

He couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to have Jeonghan here, all to himself.

He didn’t need anything else.

His parka was too big on him to allow proper movement, but Jeonghan still managed to find his waist and he gripped him, _hard_ , wanting him as close as possible.

Seungcheol didn’t stay behind.

His hands kept seeking warm skin and his fingers slid up, under all the layers of clothing that Jeonghan was wearing, following the line of Jeonghan’s ribs and caressing with his thumb.

Jeonghan shivered in response, unlatching from Seungcheol’s mouth to let out a breathless huff.

He had always been ticklish and it deeply endeared Seungcheol.

Jeonghan’s shirt was rucked up, his chest heaving, as they looked at each other, Seungcheol realized he had forgotten where they were.

They were at beach, in Jeju, vacationing with his three kids.

They were in public (although no one was around).

But more importantly, they were also leaving tomorrow.

Jeonghan’s hand grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in again, nipping on Seungcheol’s bottom lip. Seungcheol immediately opened up, letting him in.

He had missed this, not the sex… not the _foreplay_ (well, yeah, he had missed those things), but just being _close_ and _intimate_ with Jeonghan.

Having him all to himself, even if it were only for five minutes.

It was thrilling and exciting and it made his heart ache with something familiar.

He loved him so much.

And for the way Jeonghan was looking at him, the feeling was mutual.

As soon as they parted for air again, Jeonghan’s words left his lips in a hurry.

“Let’s go inside.”

***

Wonwoo stood in front of his brother door, feeling only a little silly.

It wasn’t the first time he had a talk with Seungkwan, but it felt like _ages_ since they had sat down peacefully, like that time in _The Angel house_.

It had only been months, but so much had happened between them and Wonwoo felt like they needed to talk things through.

Jeonghan would surely be proud of him for that, because he said all the time that talking helped.

When things got rough, or when you were sad, it always helped to talk things through.

With someone, anyone.

So talk.

Talk he’d do.

He took a deep breath, practicing his words.

 _Thank you for helping me with parents’ day_ , that was one.

 _I wasn’t lying when I said I liked your accent_ , _it’s cool, I wish I had one too_ , that was two.

 _We could play together from time to time. Not just here, but in school too. Minhyun says it’s okay_ , that was three.

Okay.

Another deep breath in.

Out.

He knocked on the door (it was half-open, but it was only polite to do so anyway).

As he heard Seungkwan padded around the room, Wonwoo squeezed the fabric of his jeans, willing himself to stay calm.

Seungkwan opened the door fully and stared at him with a curious expression, probably noticing how nervous Wonwoo looked.

It didn’t help to lessen his anxiety.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked, right away, otherwise he might miss his morale.

Seungkwan had apparently been playing, since all of his toy cars were scattered around the room.

He’d turn six soon, and that thought made Wonwoo smile a little, he didn’t play at the entryway anymore, he hadn’t done it in a while.

“I wanted to...” He said awkwardly, not knowing how to start.

Actually, he _knew_ how to start, he was just worried that things might end up badly, like they had done with the whole panda figurine incident.

He did _not_ want a repetition of that, thank you very much.

Just _thinking_ about it made him want to cry.

Okay, one thing at a time, which was the first thing on his list?

Wonwoo entered the room and sat down on the bed, then stood right up again, feeling awkward that Seungkwan was standing there and he was sitting down.

“I just wanted to say… thank you for helping me with Parent’s day.” He said, and Seungkwan positively beamed at that.

It made Wonwoo feel a lot better already.

Jeonghan was right, talking did help.

Things had gone perfect in Parents’ day, Seungcheol and Jeonghan had cried (from happiness, they confirmed later) and they had all eaten cake in his parents’ bed, and they had loved the phone charms too.

Wonwoo really cherished that day.

He hadn’t had the chance to celebrate Parents’ day in seven years and suddenly now he got a family…

“Hyung, are you okay? Don’t cry.” Seungkwan said, reaching out to pat his cheeks.

Wonwoo hadn’t noticed the way his eyes had glazed over at the memory, and he wiped at his eyes, trying a smile instead.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” He assured, squeezing his baby brother’s hands gently.

He had made a list for a reason.

He really wanted to continue with it.

“Thank you for protecting me, hyung.” Seungkwan said, before Wonwoo could say anything. He reached out to pull at one of Wonwoo’s curls too, smiling at him. 

He probably meant it as an affectionate gesture, and Wonwoo took it as one, although it did hurt a little.

“Seungkwan,” Wonwoo started again, suddenly nervous. “I… There’s… you know how—”

He took a deep steadying breath.

He was _hyung_.

He got this.

There was a lot he wanted to convey, but he didn’t know how, and he didn’t know if he could remember the second and third thing on his list.

Seungkwan looked up at him attentively and Wonwoo thought he found the perfect way to explain it to him.

Just like he had done with the carnation meaning.

“You know when it rains, Seungkwan?” He asked gently. 

His brother frowned a little, tilting his head in confusion.

“When it does… water fills up the colonies and sometimes… sometimes insects like ants might get washed away by the water.” He said and Seungkwan reached out to hold his hand, swaying it gently as he listened. “You know what they do? So nothing bad can happen to them?” Wonwoo asked, and he was pleased when he noticed how _attentive_ Seungkwan looked.

That felt great, it made warmth spread all around his chest and tummy.

He wasn’t done, but he was already a little proud of himself.

“Ants work in teams, not individually. So they gather and form a raft, and they can survive like that for days, even weeks.” He explained, noticing that Seungkwan had been holding his breath in anticipation, letting out a tiny gasp when Wonwoo proceeded to explain.

But then Seungkwan went silent.

And _that_ wasn’t supposed to go like this.

Now Seungkwan needed to say something like how smart that was, or how much sense it made.

Not that… unreadable expression.

“What I mean is…” His cheeks went pink with embarrassment. “If we—”

“We’re stronger if we’re together,” Seungkwan chanted obediently, wrapping his arms tight around Wonwoo’s waist. Wonwoo stood there, had it actually worked? He couldn’t believe it, but it made him so happy. He thought he had a lot to teach Seungkwan as well and he couldn’t wait to be a proper hyung. “Thank you, hyung.” He whispered, before pulling back from the hug with a small laugh.

“Hyung, hyung, hyung.” Seungkwan reached out to hold his wrist and pulled gently. “We should ride that, will you teach me?” He asked, pointing at the bike that Jihoon and Soonyoung had given him when he had just gotten here.

Wonwoo’s eyes glazed over immediately.

“I’d really like that, yeah.” He said, gently rubbing his eyes so he wouldn’t cry.

He didn’t want to, he was so happy, he thought that his heart might burst from his chest.

He had always wanted to teach things to Seungkwan, to protect him and love him and now Seungkwan was letting him.

And not only that, he _liked_ him as well.

“Boys?” Seungcheol’s voice came from the hallway and Wonwoo rushed to make sure that his face didn’t have any trace of tears.

“Oh, both of you are here.” Jeonghan and Seungcheol entered the room after a few seconds.

Jeonghan seemed surprised to see both of them here, but he looked happy too, and it was just as Wonwoo felt.

“We wanted to say goodnight.” Seungcheol explained and just then Wonwoo remembered how late it was.

“Appa,” Seungkwan asked, before Wonwoo could. “Can we all sleep together? Just for today, please?”

Jeonghan and Seungcheol exchanged a surprised look and then they smiled.

“Of course baby,” Jeonghan quickly picked Seungkwan up and Seungcheol, after a thoughtful pause, did the same with Wonwoo.

He yelped in surprise.

He was not expecting that at all.

“Appa,” Wonwoo’s cheeks went red with embarrassment. “I’m big, stooooop.”

Seungcheol didn’t listen though, and Wonwoo stopped struggling, because… well, because he had missed being with him.

He liked the reminder that he was loved just as much.

“You’ll never be too big for cuddles,” Seungcheol said wisely, tickling him before gently laying him down on the bed, just as Jeonghan did the same with Seungkwan.

In a few minutes, the lights were off and they were cuddling, both of them in the middle and Jeonghan and Seungcheol at each side.

Wonwoo gingerly wrapped an arm around Seungkwan and the boy tensed at first, but then cuddled into his chest and Wonwoo was invaded by the sudden urge to cry.

Seungcheol placed a kiss on his temple and he faintly felt Seungkwan receiving a similar display of affection from Jeonghan.

“We love you. Both of you.” Jeonghan whispered, caressing Seungkwan’s hair to lull him to sleep.

“We love you,” Seungcheol repeated, wrapping his arms around both of the children.

Wonwoo was already starting to doze off, when Seungkwan stirred from his daze, and almost as if an afterthought, he said, very clearly:

“I love you too.”

Wonwoo wasn’t entirely sure, but he thought that maybe that was the first time Seungkwan said _I love you_ back, and if Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s sniffles were anything to go by…

Wonwoo might have been right.

*** 

Every year Jeonghan wondered how he’d end up spending the last day of the year, what plans should he make, or what purpose the new year would have… right now, he found himself not only a bit nostalgic, but maybe a little unsatisfied with himself.

It was the seventh year they had spent with kids now. First with Wonwoo, then Seungkwan and Channie.

And even before that, during his college years, it was always Seungcheol.

He’d always try and come back home for holidays, but ever since they started getting _serious_ with Seungcheol, his husband’s family had gotten a little… well, difficult, and Cheol had decided not to go back to Daegu again.

So Jeonghan stayed to join him.

There was no way in hell he was letting Seungcheol spend holidays on his own, so ever since _that_ had happened between Seungcheol and his parents, Jeonghan had decided to invite him over to his house and they’d all spend it together.

Years had passed and he couldn’t imagine spending it alone.

Right now though… he would be lying to himself if he said that new year preparations hadn’t taken a toll on him.

After the Jeju trip, they unpacked, visited their friends’ houses, and they had let Jeonghan’s family know they’d be there for a full weekend in January.

The end of the year came in a rush and Jeonghan had to admit he wasn’t prepared.

He just wanted to finish his work and then sleep, but Seungcheol’s words kept coming back to him.

_Are you okay?_

_Why didn’t you tell me the truth about the week off?_

_Baby, you look so tired, let me handle it._

Jeonghan covered his face, suddenly overwhelmed.

_Please, Han, this isn’t healthy for you. I’m sure you can find any other job._

And maybe Seungcheol was right, but that wasn’t the point.

And Seungcheol wasn’t the only one either.

 _Hyung I know it’s not any of my business, but…._ Jihoon.

 _Tell him to fuck off, hyung, I mean it._ Soonyoung.

The point was he was afraid what might happen if he couldn’t do this.

Work and kids.

He could handle it, he knew he could.

 _Yes_ , maybe sometimes (like right now) he needed more help, but he refused to give up when he could give _this_ life to his kids, where he knew that he wouldn’t need to sell a kidney for one of his kids to go to college.

He was _fine_.

He just needed a break.

A small one, a weekend.

Then he’d be right on track.

He stared at his laptop screen, the words didn’t even make _sense_ anymore. He had no idea about which report he was writing and he hid a yawn behind his palm, reaching out for his mug of lukewarm coffee.

As his eyes fixed on the reflection, he found himself invaded by the crippling feeling of _loneliness_.

And that was new.

At the same time, it made sense.

The last piece of his puzzle.

He had a beautiful family, the most loyal friends, and even a few workmates he could talk to from time to time.

But… he didn’t think he had ever felt so lonely as right now.

He always got along with Jihoon and the rest of the kids, but… they were Cheol’s friends first, he got there later.

He didn’t think he ever had a best friend until he met Seungcheol.

And then he _married_ him.

He wouldn’t change any of what he had right now, but he thought that he might want something else?

The sounds of socked feet padding downstairs pulled him out of his thoughts and he immediately felt a pang of guilt, he hoped he hadn’t woken up any of the kids.

“Jeonghannie,” Seungcheol called, his voice only a little whiny and rough, as if he had just woken up. Two seconds later, he appeared in the living room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “What are you doing up? It’s late.”

Ah, luckily it _wasn’t_ any of the kids, just his husband, looking exhausted and it kind of made Jeonghan want to take him upstairs and cuddle him.

For an entire night and maybe for the rest of his life.

And besides it wasn’t really late, it was just… that Jeonghan hadn’t had any sleep the day before either and Seungcheol knew it.

“I’m finishing up.” Jeonghan assured him, trying to look convincing.

He’d be finishing up as soon as the letters started to form _words_ again.

Seungcheol didn’t move though, he stood there, clearly not knowing what to do.

Must have not been convincing enough.

Silence hung between them, for only a few seconds.

“Baby,” Jeonghan called softly, and he could tell how much Seungcheol relaxed by him using the pet name. “I’m fine, I promise. If I’m not in bed in twenty minutes, I give you my express permission to _drag_ me there, okay?”

Seungcheol visibly relaxed and he could see him smiling.

“Love you.”

“Love you too, Cheollie.” Jeonghan said, smile disappearing only when he noticed that Seungcheol was out of his sight.

Being left alone again, Jeonghan’s mind latched onto an idea.

It was risky and definitely out of character for him… but maybe it was just as simple as _that_.

Maybe he needed some fresh perspective.

He clumsily picked up his phone, fingers tapping the screen as he frantically searched for one contact he was pretty sure he had saved.

Someone’s brand new opinion.

His fingers hovered over the contact when he found it. Usually he didn’t do this, but…

It might help.

He wanted it to help.

Otherwise he wouldn’t know what else to do.

He quickly typed up a text and stared at it, the screen glowing against the reflection of his specs.

_2019-12-30._

_I know we only met like once. But I really need someone to talk to. (23.47)_

He needed someone different.

Someone new.

Hopefully a friend.

 _Joshua Hong_.

He pressed _send_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're finally done with Seungkwan's part <3 Thank you for reading/supporting/commenting and leaving kudos on this series, I'm really thankful.  
> There's a lot going on in this chapter, so if anything caught your attention, feel free to share it!  
> My twitter and curious cat are down below if you want to talk a little more <3

**Author's Note:**

> My [twt](https://twitter.com/Wish_us_luck) and my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Wish_us_luck)


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